


We Were Strangers

by saucyminx



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-02-04
Updated: 2010-02-04
Packaged: 2017-10-28 11:27:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 54,895
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/307403
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/saucyminx/pseuds/saucyminx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jared is on a quest to save his possibly forever damaged relationship. He'd never normally pick up a hitchhiker along the side of the road but something about the man's appearance had him too curious and Jared breaks from his usually safe life, discovering just how much more can be out there.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Jared sat on the edge of his bed, reached out for his phone and pulled up the calendar. It had been three months, two weeks, and four days since Chad had left San Antonio for New York City. Jared had known it was coming, after all, Chad wanted to be an actor and there was only so much he could do for his career in Texas. Jared had hoped that Chad would sort of grow out of it, decide on some other career - but it hadn't happened and that had left Jared Padalecki, hopelessly in love with a man who was hundreds of miles away.

Jared had a few theories about what was going on between them. Chad obviously hadn't wanted to ask Jared to come with him. They both knew that Jared was happy with his life in San Antonio. He'd been working as a reviewer for one of the local music magazines since he graduated from College. He was in no rush to climb up the corporate ladder; in fact, reviewing local bands was pretty much Jared's dream job. Chad had higher aspirations. After making the rounds through the local theater companies, then some small TV stations Chad wanted out. _Out_ just happened to be New York City. No one had said the words _break up_ so Jared figured - he had a long-distance relationship. It was just that... it was starting to feel a bit one-sided lately.

Flipping through the contacts on his phone Jared's thumb hovered over the _connect_ button once he saw Chad's name. Swearing softly under his breath he pushed the button quickly before he could change his mind.

"Hello?" Chad asked around a gasp, choking on laughter a moment later before clearing his throat. "Sorry. Hello? Who's this?"

Closing his eyes, Jared listened to the sounds on the other end of the line, "Hey Chad - it's me. How you doing?"

"Jared, hey," Chad coughed and the background noise cut off with the snap of a door. "Sorry, didn't see the caller ID. I'm back stage so I've only got a few minutes, what's up?"

"You haven't called me in a while - I miss you." He tried to make his voice sound casual - like he wasn't sitting at home pining away, missing Chad every single moment he was gone. "Just felt like talkin'."

Sighing softly Chad shifted the phone and cleared his throat once more, "I've been pretty busy. Jared... I thought... we've talked about this you know? I miss you too it's just... you know, I've got things going for me here."

"I know you're busy; it's just, well, you know - we should spend some time on the phone, catch up, stay in touch. Chad..." Jared's voice broke slightly and he coughed. "You gonna come home for a visit soon?" _God_ , why did everything have to change so much? Things were great between them, the high school friendship that became more once they'd moved on to College. It had felt to Jared like their lives were on similar paths.

"Um... well probably not for awhile. I got a part, in a play. It's not Broadway or anything but I've got some lines, so that's something. And I landed myself an agent which means a lot of auditions. Can't miss the chance to be an extra whenever you know?" Something loud clattered behind Chad and he hollered a quick, "yeah I'll be right there. Look Jared I gotta go but..." Chad sighed once more, stalling for a few moments. "Jared... you should get out there you know? Go on some dates, there's loads of guys who'd be interested in you, you're a real catch. I promise we'll talk soon okay?"

"Call me tonight," Jared insisted, "after your show, please?" They'd said they would talk at least once a week and now they were drifting apart so quickly it was making Jared's head spin. "Chad? I love you..."

"Okay I'll try. Bye Jared," Chad cleared his throat and flipped the phone shut.

Jared listened to the silence on the other end of the line then turned his phone off and tossed it on the bed beside him. If he could just see Chad's face, remind Chad of how good things had been, touch him. Snatching up his phone Jared called the magazine and told the assignment desk that he would be taking some time off and moved quickly to his closet to pull out his back pack. It took him about half an hour to pack some clothes, find his iPod and sunglasses and head out to his truck. It wasn't until he was pulling out of his driveway that it occurred to him that he'd never driven out of state and needed to buy some sort of road map if he was actually going to get as far as New York City.

It was the single most impulsive thing that he'd ever done -but Chad was worth it. Jared almost turned back at the gas station when it took him ten minutes to figure out which State Highway to get on. He almost turned back at the San Antonio city limits when he started to wonder what would happen if he broke down somewhere on the way. The first rest stop was nearly his last as he ended up pacing around the truck a few times. Finally, convincing himself that he could get Chad to come back with him, that everything could go back the way it was, he slipped back behind the wheel and pulled back onto the road.

Early evening turned out to be a pretty stupid time to start a road trip. By the time Jared had been driving for about two hours he was already starving, and had listened to most of his favorite songs on the iPod. Turned out he didn't have such great taste in music he downloaded and he ended up skipping most of them. After listening to his stomach growl for about five miles Jared pulled into a drive-through and got himself a burger, fries and a soda. The burger was kind of soggy and the fries were limp but Jared ate half of both then tossed the rest back into the bag and onto the floor until he could find a garbage can.

The novelty of singing at the top of his lungs had worn off after the fourth hour of driving, and Jared wasn't quite ready to start planning out what he was going to say to Chad when he finally saw him. In fact, Jared didn't want to think about much. The sun had gone down, there was nothing but straight road ahead of him and he could feel his eyes starting to close after his fifth hour of driving. It only took about one second of Jared's eyes closing sleepily for him to crank the window down and start looking for a motel. What was one more restless night without a phone call from Chad? He's said he would _try_ and call so Jared couldn't really be mad at him - he was busy.

-=-=-=-

The Motel wasn't the best choice Jared had ever made. He spent the first part of his night listening to a couple in an adjacent room having the loudest sex he'd ever had the misfortune to overhear, then he just lay there. By the time his alarm went off on his phone Jared wasn't actually sure if he'd had any sleep at all. His eyes were so gritty he was convinced that he'd just stared at the ceiling. After stocking up on coffee and doughnuts he dragged his ass back into the truck and started out on his first full day of driving. Windows down so the cab would fill with cool morning air, Jared cranked up some talk radio and pulled out onto the highway.

Caffeine, sugar and boring political analysis kept him focused on the road for the first couple of hours. Jared was seriously questioning the sanity of his friends who had insisted in the past that road trips were about the most exciting thing in the world. About the only thing Jared could even focus on after hour number two was the fact that all the coffee he'd drunk had gone straight to his bladder. As soon as he finally saw a gas station he slowed down and signaled to turn in. As the truck pulled onto the access road in a cloud of dust Jared glanced up in time to see a young guy standing on the side of the road hitchhiking. He swerved slightly to try and minimize the amount of rocks that shot up around the guy. The hitchhiker waved, and Jared's hand was up in return before he was really aware of what he was doing. They guy looked a little bit unusual, but then Jared hadn't seen all that many hitchhikers in his time. Really all Jared managed to see as he sped around the corner was long wavy brown hair, a rainbow patch on a denim jacket and a rather nice ass. The ass combined with the wave made Jared blush so he parked as far away as possible from the guy and ran inside the gas station to use the bathroom.

For some reason, the rainbow patch stuck in Jared's mind. Even as he was lowering his zipper he found himself wondering what kind of a guy wore a rainbow patch on his jacket. After actually counting out almost fifty seconds of peeing, Jared decided that the coffee thing just wasn't going to work out long-term. By-passing the small shop in the front of the gas station he climbed back into his truck and started it up again. One glance in the rear-view mirror told him that the rainbow guy was still standing by the side of the road, thumb up, and hip canted to the side. Brow furrowed slightly above a curious smile, Jared put his truck in reverse and backed out of the parking spot. One more glance at the guys denim clad ass and Jared found himself driving back over to the entrance and stopping to roll down his window. Eyes on the guy's rainbow Jared cleared his throat. "You lookin' for a ride?"

With bright eyes and a wide smile Jensen nodded, stepping forward, "I'd appreciate one yeah." He let the strap of his backpack slide down his arm as he walked around the truck, tugging open the passenger side door and climbing in. "Seriously thought no one would ever stop. Texas, not the easiest place to hitchhike," Jensen turned to him and grinned, shifting his backpack between his legs. "I'm Jensen."

Holding out his hand Jared finally looked up to meet the man's eyes. "J..ared." He blinked, started by the colour. "You… have very green eyes." Conscious of the slight blush that was creeping up his neck Jared looked back out the windshield and headed back out on the highway.

"Are they green? They were brown last time I looked," Jensen flipped down the visor and peered at himself, brushing sand from his cheeks and glancing over. "Kidding." He added as he caught the strange look. "So... J...ared," he repeated the name slowly and grinned, "Where we off too?" Jensen settled back in his seat and openly stared at Jared, pleased by how attractive the man was. Jensen was used to often grimy truckers who responded mainly with grunts and weren't very interested in any sort of conversation outside the occasional one with the odd theory about government conspiracy or life on other planets.

"M'headed to New York City... where ya goin'?" Resting his arm out the window he stole another glance at Jensen. He was a good looking guy; slightly curly golden brown hair, full lips, strong jaw-line and lashes that most of the women Jared knew would _kill_ for. It actually took more than one glance. Jared smiled; at least he had good taste in hitchhikers.

Jensen turned his gaze from long brown hair and tanned skin, admittedly a little reluctant, and surveyed the landscape. "I'll go as far as you'll take me. Always wanted to see NYC, sounds like a nice change of pace. Deserts get wearing after awhile," Jensen smiled and used his elbow to push the lock down, leaning against the door heavily. "You're really tall huh?" Jensen mused, eyes sweeping over the long frame once more. "Saw you walking, makes everyone else look a little munchkin...ish."

Shrugging a shoulder Jared grinned shyly and glanced quickly at his passenger, "I guess, yeah... six four or so. You some kinda free spirit or somethin'?" The rainbow patch sprang to mind and Jared couldn't help his grin spreading across his face. Reaching out he turned the volume down on his stereo, far more interested in the honeyed tones of Jensen's voice.

Chuckling softly Jensen shrugged and shifted forward to pull his coat off and lay it over his legs, tugging down the light blue shirt as it rode up. "Something like that. I'm on a quest," Jensen informed him reached out to push at the dash, flicking the compartment open and peering at the papers inside before closing it. Realizing Jared kept glancing his way Jensen looked back at him and grinned, "See I've got this theory that there's _something_ for me out there and if I look hard enough, I'll find it."

Brow furrowing slightly Jared turned for a moment to look at Jensen. "Like a job or somethin'? A girlfriend? What?" The girlfriend comment might have been Jared fishing a little but - hell - the guy was interesting and he felt more alert driving than he had since he'd left home.

Another laugh had Jensen's head tilting back and he tucked his jacket between his legs on top of his backpack. "If I found a girl who I'd be willing to date, it'd be a fucking miracle, like praise Jesus, hallelujah the boy isn't really as flaming queer as we all thought he was." Looking back at Jared he lifted a hand to run through his hair and continued to grin. "Guess I might be looking for _someone_. I just kind of thought I'd know it when I found it. Whatever it is," Jensen shrugged trailed his fingers along the edge of the seat.

Jared couldn't help laughing. Jensen had a great laugh - and he laughed so easily. "So... you're gay? Is that what you were so subtly trying to clear up?" Relaxing back in his seat a little Jared shifted to get comfortable. "So -when you find this great thing... or person - you'll just know like the instant you see them? Or it. Or whatever?"

"Hard to say. I have entertained the notion that it might be instantaneous but most things in life aren't. Some are, and usually those are the things that dramatically shape and alter the course your on. So by theory, this _thing_ should be... instant you know? But maybe I won't know right away. Guess I'll just wait and see," Jensen stretched his arms as far out in front of him as he could in the cab of the truck before settling back in his seat. "So you're obviously okay with me being gay. You swing along those lines too or just one of the few raging democrats of Texas?"

"No, I'm... yeah... I'm gay." Jared cleared his throat and curled his fingers over the top of the steering wheel. "On my way to see... well, my boyfriend. He's an actor in New York. Haven't seen him in a while so I thought I'd drive up and surprise him." Jared's smile faded a little as the weight of his last conversation with Chad settled back on his shoulders.

Considering the sad look on Jared's face Jensen's smile fell slightly. "Well, he's one lucky boyfriend. Not a lot of people would make such a trip," Jensen wet his lips before dipping down to dig through his bag for a bottle of water. "I'm gonna go out on a limb and say things aren't one hundred percent with you two? So the surprise might not be so... great?" Retrieving the water Jensen sat back and twisted the cap off, bringing the bottle to his lips.

"No… no... I'm sure he'll be pleased. I mean, he's just too busy to call a lot you know? I figured we'd probably spend more time talkin' on the phone and stuff when he moved but..." Jared shrugged and the smile that twitched across his lips all but disappeared, "I think he's just busy. And, he says I should get out more, date... maybe." Jared had no idea why he suddenly couldn't stop talking, "Guess he figures I'm lonely and feels bad or somethin'." He took a deep breath and snapped his jaw shut, running a hand through his hair.

Jensen watched Jared for several quiet minutes, mile markers flashing by the window. He knew that tone, recognized that place, and didn't wish to revisit it in memory so he spoke up, "so the actor boyfriend who moved to New York doesn't call any more and wants you to date other people?" Jensen blew out a slow breath and twisted the cap back on his water bottle. "Well, so... you're going to make up with him? Prove that you're meant to be or whatever? Been dating long?" Jensen was curious by nature, always had been, and since he'd begun life part two - as he called it - he'd learned to ignore the filter between his mouth and brain. It often got him in trouble but it also provided information. And Jensen _liked_ information.

"Yeah, I..." Jared shrugged, and realized he had to try and give that up or accept the fact that he didn't really know the answer to anything anymore. Taking a deep breath Jared slumped down in his seat a little. "I guess the thing is... well, we've been together since just after high school, a few years and he needed to move." Jared nodded, mostly for his own benefit, "I think he just needs... we just need to see each other maybe." _Remember_ the life that they used to have together.

"Brave move," Jensen noted and drummed his fingers along the seat of the car. _Stupid move_ he added to himself but in this case it seemed wise to not piss off the first person who'd offered him a ride in several days. Jensen's legs and feet were sore from walking; relaxing in the nice air conditioned truck was a relief. "So what do you do? Anything that can be uh, relocated. To be closer to the actor boyfriend?"

"I like San Antonio, I don't really want to move... I guess..." the other man's words stuck with him for a few moments and Jared turned to look at him for a few moments. "Brave as in - you think it's a dumb idea?" He'd wondered that himself but - it was so hard to talk on the phone about important stuff and Chad had _never_ liked talking on the phone.

"I'm a firm believer in going with your gut," Jensen said as an answer, smiling softly at the man. "There's a part of us that _knows_ when something is important. So you listened to it, and it led you here. I just wouldn't put all my hope in... well... honestly someone who sounds like they might not be as willing to put all their hope into you," Jensen glanced up at Jared and shrugged. "Then again, I don't know him or you, so who am I really to say anything at all?" Jensen was definitely playing the peace maker card, but he wasn’t often playing with a full deck and he always strived to chose his safest bet in any given situation.

"You sound like you're speaking from experience," Jared said. "You running away from someone as well as running to this _big thing_ of yours?" He smiled to soften his words. Chad had hope... in him. At least Jared thought he did. He had... at one time.

Jensen stared out his window for awhile, lifting a hand to smear along the glass slowly. "I'm not running away from anyone," he said softly and finally turned his gaze back to Jared. "Got over that awhile ago. Completely different circumstances I'm sure." Jensen shook his head to rid his mind of the thoughts clouding it and dipped back down to his backpack to grab a large bag of sunflower seeds. "Want some?"

"No thanks, I... ate a kinda crappy dinner last night and I think it's still fighting back. So what happened to you... was it an ex-boyfriend?" Jared leaned down and turned the volume right down on the stereo. He was curious about this Jensen and the conflicting emotions that seemed to flit across his face.

"He... I'm not sure he was ever really my boyfriend. Ex-lover would be more appropriate," Jensen frowned, wondering why he was speaking at all. This was an _off limits_ line of conversation but he felt he owed Jared after the way the man was so open with him. "We had some form of a relationship, on and off for a few years. He was... intense. Extreme. Very passionate. Possibly beyond description," Jensen pulled out an old bottle he used for the sunflower seeds and popped a few into his mouth. "I've learned though that being _passionate_ doesn't necessarily make you a good partner of any sort."

"See I would have thought that was a really good quality." Jared smiled warmly at Jensen. So, it seemed they both had their extra baggage. "Subject change?" He laughed quietly and adjusted the temperature on the AC. "Where's home?"

Jensen rolled his shoulders under the weight of unpleasant emotions, shaking them off, shoving that dark angry place away. When he felt a little more in control of himself he glanced at Jared and lifted a hand to gesture at the road before them. "Once I lived in California but I don't consider it home any longer. The open road, right now, is the closest thing I've got," Jensen smiled softly, looking over once more at Jared. "You never did say what it is you do." He much preferred this line of conversation, less intensity, less pressure, easier to handle.

"Music critic." Jared tucked his hair behind his ear and smiled when he glanced at Jensen and saw him relaxing. "The music scene in San Antonio is amazing so I cover local bands - up and comers ya know? See their shows and, write about 'em, promote them if they've got something. We run sanantoniolive.com - it's pretty popular. People can download new music and find out the tour schedules of bands and stuff. S'kind of a cool job." Of course, even saying that out loud brought back all the concerts that Chad and Jared had gone to together, pressed up against one another in the crowd, swaying. Jared sighed and refocused his attention on the road in front of them.

Spotting Jared's iPod hooked into the tape deck Jensen reached out for it, glancing at Jared to ensure it was okay. Getting a nod he began to browse through, not recognizing a good majority of the people on the playlist. "Sounds like a fun job. I've been out of the music scene for awhile. Hard to keep track of all those things when you're constantly on the move." Jensen smiled and played with the iPod, learning how it worked.

"Let me guess... you're an artist? A writer?" Jared smiled over at him. Jensen had nice hands, the kind that looked like they were more than capable of creating something beautiful. Or... blinking, Jared looked away and swallowed. The last thing he needed was to lose track of why he was headed up to New York. Yeah, he was lonely and it was great to be talking to someone - let alone a someone who looked as good as Jensen did but... still...

Glancing over at Jared, Jensen couldn't help laughing; thumb sliding in a slow circle around the iPod's front. "Actually... I was a lawyer. Suppose I still am. Won't have to retake the bar until next year," Jensen shrugged. "If I need money though, which I do occasionally, I stick around a place for a little while, do temp jobs and stuff. Or I pull money from my accounts. Just depends on my mood."

Jared couldn't hide the surprise on his face. "A lawyer?" He stared until he realized he should be looking at the road and whipped his head back to the front of the truck. "A lawyer," Jared chuckled softly, "you don't seem all stuck up and posh." _Money from my accounts..._. "So - you're not some spoiled rich kid or somethin' are ya?" His lips twitched into a smile.

Jensen laughed and shook his head, "nope. Just smart with my money. Made some good decisions. Made some bad ones. Story of anyone's life I suppose. I just made the decision to do something different." Jensen leaned forward to set Jared's iPod back down settling against the seat. "I graduated high school early, got my law degree. Was a lawyer for about four years before..." With a shrug Jensen turned to look out his window, watching the same landscape passing by.

"Before what?" Jared was fascinated, "you can't leave me hangin'. You didn't have a _And Justice For All Moment_ did you? Like suddenly realized how messed up the legal system was or somethin'?" He grinned and it faded when he glanced over and saw the tension in Jensen's shoulders.

In all the time Jensen had been hitchhiking, he'd met some really interesting people and he'd met some not so interesting people. Jared was like a class all his own. Hardly an hour of knowing the guy and Jensen felt compelled to tell him the entire, brutal story. Some secrets were too hard to give up so easily however. "Before I wasn't a lawyer anymore," Jensen shrugged and leaned his head against the window. "And no. There was no moment. Not regarding law at least. I wasn't one of those lawyers who defended the bad guy even if I knew they were bad. I was one of those guys who trusted to easily. And paid for it." Jensen pulled his coat up onto his lap for something to fiddle with.

"What happened?" Jared was surprisingly tempted to reach over and brush Jensen's hair back from his forehead. For someone so carefree and spirited there sure seemed to be a lot of things that were dragging him down.

"Life," Jensen shrugged and rolled his shoulders, turning to look at Jared, considering him for a long few minutes before shaking his head. "So got a lot of family back home? How do they feel about you spontaneously driving across the country for actor boyfriend?" Jensen was ready for the conversation to be off him for awhile. He'd safely detached himself from those memories and bad things and it was safest that way.

"Well, no one knows actually. It was one of those spur of the moment things... phone conversation... promise of a phone call that didn't happen and then I was just _in_ the truck and going." Jared shrugged and reached up to rub the back of his neck. "M'not sure..." he blew out a breath and let his hand fall back onto the steering wheel.

Jensen considered Jared for a long moment before tucking his leg under him, "have you considered what you're gonna do if he doesn't want you there? I mean... what if it all explodes in your face and you just drove three days across the country for nothing?"

"I..." a smile flitted across Jared face and was gone as quickly as it appeared, "I didn't really think... about it. I kind of hoped that... well, maybe when we talk to each other." He cleared his throat, "if I could touch him..." Sighing he looked out the side window for a few moments, "you think that's what's gonna happen?" He _hadn't_ really thought about it, or at least, he'd tried not to.

"I think your supposed boyfriend told you to date other people," Jensen stared at Jared, watching the different play of emotions across his face. "I'm definitely not a relationship expert but you know? That's a break up line if I've ever heard one. But you know, if I were him I'd probably cave to a touch, especially from you," Jensen smiled and picked at the frayed patched on his coat.

"So, you think it might work?" Jared had no idea why it was so important to him that someone else thought things might work out, that things might not be over. "I... don't want everything to change. Life was good, Chad and I were good. It was kind of how I had imagined things working out. Then..." he waved away the rest of the story. Jared was quiet for a few moments, staring straight ahead along the long stretch of road. "You think he meant for me to see other people." It hadn’t occurred to Jared that Chad had actually meant that. Jared would never tell someone to do that, not someone he cared about, someone he _loved_.

"Life changes, Jared," Jensen pointed out softly, small smile on his face. "That's unavoidable. It's like the seasons and such you know? You can't escape changes and sometimes you shouldn't. So maybe it won't work out, this thing with actor boyfriend, but you can always look on the bright side of things. You met me after all, and that's always a good thing," Jensen grinned brightly at Jared, laughing to let him know he was joking.

"Yeah...” Jared forced a smile. "I just love him... I mean... that's what this is... right?" What the _hell_ was he talking about? And why was he asking a guy he'd know for minutes? "I'm sorry... I haven't talked to anyone... about this. I'll shut up."

Jensen's smile fell and he considered Jared for a long few minutes before shrugging, "it's okay. It's the least I can do, what with you giving me a ride and all. But if you're asking about what love is... well... I'm definitely not the one to give you advice on that. I think you'd know though. If you loved someone. That's not something you go without knowing right?" Jensen scratched at his brow before trailing his hand through his hair. "Tell me about you. What do you like? What are you passionate about? What makes you tick?"

Brows furrowing for a few moments as he thought about it, a slight smile grew on Jared's face. "I love music. It can make me feel stuff, change my mood even... s'like I can feel it here," he pressed his hand over his heart, "all kinds of music." He took a deep breath and stretched his arm out to the side, "love Texas, the land is beautiful... the people. Never really wanted to leave there even though... I mean I'd like to travel, see other places. Just never had the balls to do it alone I guess." His eyes flickered past Jensen's face, freckles across his cheeks and the bridge of his nose. It was... _cute_. "And... Chad," Jared added quickly. "If... I mean... if our careers were on the same kind of path, I bet things would be different."

"Chad? Actor boyfriend," Jensen chuckled and gestured toward Jared. "You never gave me a name before. You said you guys knew each other in high school? Didn't you discuss futures and stuff?" Jensen watched the man because, honestly, he was far more beautiful than the land around him no matter what Jared thought of it. In fact, Jensen was fairly certain he hadn't seen someone so stunning since before he left his old life. And even Jared might possibly be more beautiful than that man. Each little half turn exposed a nicely curved jaw line and the flash of hazel eyes. Swallowing, Jensen slowly wet his lips and forced his eyes away. "I'd thought that was one of those things long term couples talk about. You know, the future."

"Well, that was always more _my_ thing... Chad was pretty busy with his career. I figured... I mean I liked him all the way through high school and - he was right - it was good that we didn't get together then. We were too young." Jared stretched his neck to the side, tired of staring the same direction. "So... we started seeing each other when we were in College. Chad liked going to the gigs with me and it just sorta... happened. A few drunken nights and ya know... then things..." He dragged a hand down his face, resting his palm over his mouth for a few moments. "Are you some kind of counselor or somethin'? I never talk... about things..." Jared flashed a crooked smile at Jensen.

Jensen chuckled and shook his head, tucking a loose strand of hair behind his ear as it fell down in front of his face. "I should think about that as a future career option." Jensen fell into silence, turning to stare out the other window for awhile. He felt for Jared, though the circumstances were ones he'd never personally experienced. He'd gone through his own situation so he could relate, with the feeling of loving someone and feeling that fading away, just out of reach. If Jensen were more of a cynic he might point out to Jared that, even without knowing this Chad at all, things didn't sound too promising. But Jared had a hopeful glow to his features and a pretty damn fantastic smile and Jensen would rather see those than sadness.

"What about you?" Jared reached over and pressed his knuckles to Jensen's shoulder lightly, surprised at how firm his arm was. Blushing slightly he settled his hand back on the steering wheel. "You got somethin' you been through? Something... hard?" There was a look sometimes on Jensen's face, fleeting, something that Jared couldn't quite put his finger on - but it was the look of someone who'd faced something that had changed them.

"Of course," Jensen nodded, hand reaching up to lay over the place Jared's knuckles had so briefly touched. "Everyone does right? In their own way. My _something hard_..." Jensen sighed softly and glanced over at him. "Maybe you should be the counselor, I've already told you more than I've told anyone in... a long while. Years even. Are you pumping truth gas through the air conditioner?" Jensen teased, chuckling softly.

"Yeah," Jared laughed softly, "I was waiting for the first really _hot_ hitchhiker I saw to..." he cleared his throat when he realized what he'd said. "Hey... you wanna stop and pick up a coffee? Get a coffee? Or snacks or something? You don't have to answer all my stupid questions."

Jensen grinned, pleased that Jared thought he was hot. "I could go for some coffee. Snacks too. You never officially answered, is it cool if I ride all the way to NYC with you?"

"Sure, provided you don't turn out to be some sort of axe murderer or something." Jared grinned as his eyes started scanning the side of the road for somewhere to stop.

Snorting a laugh Jensen nodded, "oh yeah, that's me. Flaming queer, rainbow patch wearing, axe murderer. Aren't I just terrifying?" Jensen grinned and reached over to push his fingers into Jared's arms.

"Dude! How d'ya know these days? Crazy shit happens all the time." Jared made a small humming noise as he spotted a pull out on the highway with a diner and some other small stores. "I am a great hunter! Coffee." Nodding firmly he grinned at Jensen and pulled off the road stopping in front of the diner.

Still chuckling Jensen kicked the door open and slid out, stretching with a slight tip back, groaning as all his muscles pulled and relaxed. "Well I've been doing this for almost a year and I've yet to come across any actual axe murderers but I have seen some funky shit," he grinned at Jared, waiting until he stood beside him before walking toward the diner.

"A year? Man. That's a long time. Guess... I guess you aren't the _relationship_ kind of guy then are ya?" Jared had always wanted to travel but the idea of not having a home for a year was just crazy. Leaning forward he grabbed the handle on the door and pulled it open for Jensen then held his hand out to usher him through.

Jensen nodded a thank you at Jared as he walked past him and inside, stopping to turn back and eye him, "I told you. I'm on a quest. It's weary work. But I _know_ it'll be worth it. I did go home for Christmas, saw my family and such. But until I find _whatever_ I have to keep going. It's my only option." Jensen shrugged and headed toward a booth, sliding in the furthest open bench.

"You need a Sam then." Jared slid into the booth across from Jensen and grinned, resting his hands on the table in front of him.

"A Sam?" Jensen stared at Jared for a moment before laughing loudly, "are you calling me Frodo? Really? I have no ring and there is no Mordor and _man_ I hope there's more for me at the end besides riding off with some elves and my uncle on a boat." Jensen shook his head, pulling up the menu and laughing.

"Well," Jared muttered, "he _was_ on a quest too. And... he really only got there 'cause of his Sam." Jared rubbed his forehead and shrugged, "did I just totally out myself as a geek? Love that movie," he murmured as he grabbed a menu. "Always makes me cry... when Sam wades into the water..." his eyes widened, "well, makes my eyes water…" He lifted his menu up and hid behind it for a few moments, swearing softly. He certainly wasn't making himself sound all that appealing. _Not_ that he was trying to.

Jensen grinned, "I bawl like a baby when Sam asks Frodo if he remembers the taste of strawberries. You know they just had to be more than friends." Jensen nodded wisely and laughed, shaking his head, "okay we're stopping this before we seriously start considering hobbit sexuality. So you look like the type of guy who enjoys a good meal, you gonna get anything to eat? It'll be my treat. As a thank you," Jensen smiled brightly and tabbed the menu on the table top.

Lowering his menu again, Jared smiled, "you don't have to do that - I'm happy for the company. Was hard to stay awake. I have a feeling you'll keep me awake." His eyes flicked up to Jensen's, "I mean, in the truck," he added quickly, "while I'm driving." Blushing again he was really glad when a rather tall young man showed up to take their order. "Thank God," he blurted out as he looked up at the young man, "you just saved me from making a complete ass of myself."

Jensen's eyebrows lifted as he grinned from Jared up to the waiter, "and here I was feeling all flattered and such." Jensen reached out and laid his hand on the waiter's arm. "You'll have to forgive Jared, someone is running a truth gas through his air conditioner, and the affects take awhile to wear off."

The waiter, who's name tag read Trevor, smiled at the both of them and nodded, "truth gas, sounds very dangerous."

"Only if you have something you'd rather not say," Jensen shrugged and smirked slightly before looking at his menu. "Okay Trevor," Jensen shot him a grin, shamelessly flirting as he usually would, before looking back at the menu. "I'll take a coffee, black, and a chicken sandwich with fries." Jensen offered his menu to the man, continuing to smile before turning his gaze to Jared.

"The chicken sandwich is my favorite, so good choice," Trevor grinned in return before also looking to Jared. "And for you?"

"I'll have the same but cream and sugar... in my coffee." Handing the waiter his menu he thanked him and watched him walk away. _Trevor_ glanced back at Jensen as he walked into the kitchen. Jared hummed softly and raised an eyebrow. "You... you like him?"

"Not my type," Jensen shook his head and tapped his fingers along the table top. "Besides if I wanted a whole string of one night stands I could have stayed back in California and had exactly that." Jensen glanced at Jared and arched an eyebrow. "Why? You jealous?" He smirked at Jared and settled back on the bench, extending his legs and crossing them at the ankle.

"I..." Jared looked up, "no," he blurted out. "I mean... I ..." He stared at Jensen for a few moments. "Nothing wrong with me wanting to be the center of attention now is there?" He smiled and added a bit of Texas drawl just for effect then leaned back stretching his legs out on either side of Jensen's. "So, I'm curious. You don’t want a string of one-night stands but you do nothing but travel around. How does that work?" Brushing his hair back off his forehead he smiled and studied Jensen's face. _God_ he was a good-looking man, his lips were... pretty perfect. Jared's fingers unconsciously drifted to his own lips, thumb running along his bottom lip.

Jensen watched Jared's fingers, trying to decipher the thoughts going through the man's mind. "Well... basically it works by me not sleeping with a random guy every time I stop somewhere," Jensen chuckled and shook his head. "I've had a couple of flings, a few weeks here, couple days there but that's about it. Maybe I think my _something_ is a person and I'm worried if I keep up a long line of conquests I'll miss that one good one when it comes along you know?" Jensen smiled and tucked another loose strand of hair behind his ear.

Nodding, Jared smiled, "that makes sense. I think maybe... Chad's my one." Jared's brow furrowed slightly. "I'm pretty sure I think he is..." Glancing up when _Trevor_ slid their coffee cups on to the table between them. "Thanks," he murmured and reached for the cream.

Something unpleasant nagged at Jensen which wasn't very comforting and may possibly have affected the way Jensen smiled sweetly at Trevor as the waiter slid his coffee in front of him. "Why thank you Trevor, I've been itching for a caffeine fix."

"Well, I'm here to help with any _fix_ you might be itching for," Trevor practically purred the words and Jensen laughed, watching him walk away.

Looking at Jared he shrugged and slid his hair back through his fingers. "He must not get very many flirty gay customers. Poor kid."

"Well, you _are_ flirting with him... not surprising he's flirting back." Jared fixed his coffee with cream and sugar, spoon tinking against the side of the mug. It was stupid to be bothered by Jensen's flirting but he was just that kind of guy. When those green eyes looked at him, Jared found himself just wanting them to stay there - like somehow it made things feel a little better, a little more real.

Jensen considered him for a moment and shrugged, "nothing wrong with harmless flirting." Sipping from his coffee Jensen arched his eyebrow slightly and brought it back down to the table, fingers resting along the rim. "Everyone wants to be _wanted_ Jared. It's human nature." Jensen shrugged, completely sound with his logic.

"I know, I didn't... I didn't mean anything by it." He sipped at his coffee in silence for a few minutes, fiddling with the paper place mat on the table in front of him. "I just have this thing okay? About... flirting and people getting led on - it's my issue... not yours." Unable to meet Jensen's gaze he looked down at the remaining coffee in his cup. "Think you could use your great flirting powers to get me a refill?"

Jensen wet his lips and glanced to the side before looking up. Sure enough Trevor was waiting behind the counter, looking their way every couple of seconds. He hadn't considered that flirting as such could be leading anyone on and the thought twisted his gut unpleasantly. Lifting his mug Jensen tilted it slightly toward Trevor and smiled. Moments later the waiter was by their side pouring them both refills even though Jensen hadn't drunk half of his. "Anything else I can get you?"

"I think we're good until our food comes, thanks," Jensen smiled softly at Trevor and watched him walk away, slightly deflated. "Oh well, now I just feel like an asshole."

"What?" Jared's eyes snapped up. "No..." he shook his head. "I didn't mean that... about you." Reaching across the table he let his fingers curl over Jensen's wrist, pulling his hand back quickly when Jensen looked up at him. "I... okay..." He sank back against the bench. "So when Chad and I were in High school he flirted all the time, with me..." He shrugged. "But every time I tried to," he tilted his head and rolled his eyes, "he had a thousand excuses you know?" Resting his face in his hand for a moment he sighed, "you probably _never_ had that problem." Looking up briefly he could only see a rather blank expression on Jensen's face. "I'll stop talking now."

"He was married." Jensen blurted out, blinking in surprise and looking sharply to the side. "My ex. He was married, and I never knew. For years." Jensen swallowed thickly and dropped his gaze to his coffee, swirling it slowly.

Trevor appeared out of nowhere, setting their plates in front of them and ensuring they were okay before heading off. Jensen didn't even notice this time how disappointed the waiter was by the sudden mood shift. He felt oddly raw, part of his little secret laid out there for Jared to absorb and digest, to pick apart and scoff. Jensen took a long drink from his coffee before poking at his sandwich, hoping that by some miracle Jared had simply never heard him.

"Years..." Jared's face saddened, "that must have really... hurt." He reached across the table again and grabbed Jensen's hand, thumb brushing his knuckles. "I'm _really_ sorry..." He didn't need to know all the details to know that Jensen's heart had been broken.

Jensen forced the thoughts away and twisted his hand under Jared's so their palms could brush. "Th..." the word trailed off at the odd little sparks coursing through his system where their skin touched. Clearing his throat Jensen slowly took his hand back and swallowed thickly once more. "It did. It hurt a lot. But... you know... life..." He half shrugged and picked at the fries, popping one in his mouth.

Jared stared down at his hand where it still rested on the table, still tingling from the brief touch. Slowly pulling his hand back he grabbed the side of his plate and stared down at it. "Life." Jared nodded. "Maybe that's why you're so skeptical about my Chad." He wasn't sure if he was trying to convince himself or Jensen.

"Maybe I'm skeptical because he told you to date other people," Jensen pointed out, gesturing at Jared with a fry before smearing it through a large dollop of ketchup and popping it into his mouth.

" _Maybe..._ " Jared paused and tilted his head, "he just wanted me to experience more - just wants me or... him to know that I'm sure." He wasn't quite sure how everything had turned around on him again and stuffed some French fries in his mouth.

Jensen barely resisted rolling his eyes. Clearly Jared had it bad for the guy, it really wasn't Jensen’s place to step in. "Hmm yeah, maybe that's it," he shrugged and fell into silence, picking up his sandwich and using it as a well needed distraction.

They ate in slightly uncomfortable silence, both lost in their own thoughts. Jensen had, for the most part, happily ignored any and all memories revolving his ex. A man he could hardly name any moment without feeling that sharp stab of betrayal. As it always was, when these thoughts rose, Jensen wondered how he could even consider getting involved again. Of course if it were to happen, if he were to find his _something_ in the form of a person, he would ensure they didn't have those secrets. Any secrets. Anything that might harm him.

Jensen didn't have to know Jared well to guess that his thoughts were revolving almost constantly around Chad. After all, his whole journey was about getting to the man. It really was a shame because Jensen was already pretty fond of Jared and he could really see something there. Especially considering the way his skin had sparked in response to one simple touch moments before.

By the time they'd finished eating Jensen felt he had a little better grasp of the secret he'd unintentionally shared. Despite Jared's protest Jensen paid for the meal, handing his debit card to Trevor with a soft smile. An offering of peace.

They left the diner, heading out into the afternoon sun, both ready to be back on the road. Jensen's heart seemed to be beating differently as his eyes slid toward Jared's frame, the strip of skin appearing between his shirt and jeans as he stretched his arms up in the air. For the first time since he met Jared hours before, Jensen openly acknowledged that his heart might be on to something. Even as his mind suggested how foolish that would be, especially considering how very taken Jared was.


	2. Chapter 2

Jared tried to keep the conversation lighter that afternoon. They chatted about music and Jared played some of his favourite songs on the iPod. Jensen shared a few stories from his travels about the more _creepy_ people he'd encountered on his journey. He had quite a few interesting tales to tell and the more he talked, laughed and smiled the more he seemed to relax. Eventually, warmed by the late afternoon sun and listening to one of the mellow playlists Jensen's head bobbed a few times and then fell back against the seat. Smiling over at him Jared reached over and brushed soft brown curls off his forehead before settling back for a long drive.

After about an hour, the music and the sound of Jensen's soft breathing was all conspiring to make Jared sleepy. Sitting up a little straighter he eyed his cell phone where it was resting on the dashboard. It couldn't hurt to give Chad a quick call, just check in with him and see how his show was going. Make sure he hadn't left town or something for a job.

Snatching the phone off the dash he pushed the speed dial number for Chad and listened to the phone dial, glancing at Jensen to make sure he was still sleeping.

"Hel-" the voice on the lined gasped, coughed loudly and squeaked followed by a loud burst of ruffled fabric then silence. Finally a slightly panting, "Hellllooo, Chad's phone. Chris speaking. How may I help you?" Someone yelled in the background and the man on the line added, "shut _up_ Chad or I'll make you."

 _Chris_. "Uh... is Chad there? Can I talk to him?" Jared fought to get rid of the pinch of jealousy he could feel in his chest.

"Actually, Chad is in the shower," Chris hummed softly and something clattered over the line. "I can take a message though. We're running late but I'm sure he can call back. Who's this?"

"J..Jared... Chr... who is this? Can you just tell him I'm on the phone? I'm sure Chad'll want to talk to me." Jared's hand started to shake a little as he tried to keep the desperate edge out of his voice.

"Jared?" Chris said softly and sighed knowingly. "Yeah just hold on a second, I'm dripping all over the... um... let me see if he can talk right now," Chris coughed and the line fell into silence for a few minutes, broken only by the muffled sound of voices. Chris' voice drifted back over the line as he approached the phone, "I'm just saying I'm not gonna be an asshole because you're a chicken douche bag. Hey Jared? I'm sorry we're running pretty late and um... he said he'd try to call you back later. And that he's sorry."

"Uh... okay... thanks Chris." Jared ended that call and tossed his phone on the seat. _Thanks Chris_. Yeah... thanking some other guy who answered his boyfriend's phone.

The thing about cell phones, that a person hardly ever realized when they were the one talking, was that more often than not you could hear both sides of the conversation. In this case Jensen was a little relieved because asking Jared what had transpired during the call with his boyfriend would have been unnecessarily painful. "You okay?" He asked softly and reached out to lay his hand on Jared's shoulder, swallowing at the instant sparks up his arm.

"Not really." Jared shrugged Jensen's arm off and looked out into the fading sunlight. _God_ if the guy touched him again he'd probably burst into tears or something equally as stupid. He was losing Chad and he needed to get up there to let Chad know how he felt.

Jensen nodded, sliding back across the seat, mildly surprised by the slight sting he felt at being brushed off so easily. The thought alone was unnerving and Jensen swallowed and dragged a hand through his hair. "You wanna pull over for awhile? Need a break?" He could practically feel the hurt radiating off Jared and Jensen felt half tempted to snatch the phone and call the guy back just to cuss him out. He didn't care how new Jared was to his life, no one deserved to be treated like that. Chad should have talked to Jared.

Yanking the steering wheel to the side Jared pulled off the road in a cloud of dust, turned off the engine and threw his door open stalking off over the sandy field in front of them. This whole thing was stupid. He had no idea who _Chris_ was, or why he figured Chad was being a chicken. Did it mean there was something that Chad was supposed to be telling him? Something Jared wasn't going to want to hear? He kicked at a log that was lying on the ground and then swung his fist at a broken down looking cactus. It wasn't quite broken down enough because it was hard enough to hurt his fist and the spines were still sturdy enough to stick in his skin. "Fuck," he yelled, picking at the spines.

Jensen had intended to let Jared blow off some steam until the man actually _hurt_ himself. Sighing softly he pushed the door open and walked slowly toward him. "Jared?" He asked in a whisper, no clue how best to deal with an angry Jared. "Did you hurt your hand? Let me see," Jensen took another step forward, extending his hand for Jared's.

The pain and stupidity had burned out Jared's anger pretty quickly; he wasn't the kind of guy who generally stayed mad anyway. Holding out his hand he rubbed at his eyes with the other hand. "M'sorry."

"Nothing to be sorry about," Jensen insisted and gently took Jared's hand, bringing it up to peer at the few prickling spines still there. Tugging Jared a little closer he gently picked at the items, dropping them down to the ground. "We should get some ice, it'll help with the swelling," Jensen looked up from Jared's hand, blinking slightly in surprise, not having realized how close Jared was. "You have every right to be angry you know?" He said softly, catching a wisp of whatever cologne Jared was wearing.

"Great... you heard all that?" Jared looked up from his hand to Jensen's face - but he didn't see anything negative at all in Jensen's eyes. "It's stupid. I'm an idiot. But - I... we had something and I don't want to give up on it that easy. Maybe this Chris guy... is a new roommate... I just didn’t know about." It sounded crazy even to him and he sighed, fingers curling over the side of Jensen's palm. It was comforting, warm, and if things were different...

"That was dripping wet suspiciously at the same time Chad was in the shower?" Jensen's eyebrow curled up, stepping forward almost out of his control. "Jared... it's not looking very promising. I think it's about time you start accepting that," Jensen frowned slightly and lifted his free hand to tuck hair behind Jared's ear, hoping to soften the harsh truth of his statement.

Tilting his head slightly against Jensen's fingers Jared closed his eyes. "He said I could date other people... so I guess... it's fair if he does too." He swallowed, throat suddenly feeling dry and tight. "But..." tugging his hand out of Jensen's grasp he swayed a little, "wouldn't it make a difference to you if a guy drove all the way from Texas to see you?" He blinked back the tears he could feel welling in his eyes. Jensen's hair smelled good, fresh, and like something spicy. The corners of his mouth twitched into a wry smile, "would it? You think it might change _your_ mind? If you were him?"

"If I were him, with you, I'm fairly certain I wouldn't have left," Jensen said softly and shrugged. He stepped back, giving Jared space and turning to the side. "Honestly though, I can't help feeling like you're driving into heart break. The guy wouldn't even come to the phone Jared. And something tells me you haven't had an actual conversation with him in a long time. Now ask yourself honestly, do you think _feel_ like he still loves you like you love him?" Jensen gestured to thin air, shrugging.

Staring at Jensen's profile Jared felt his heart clench in his chest. "Someone always cares more - there's no such thing as that passionate sort of overpowering shit you see on TV. I mean, it's not all fireworks and tingling and stuff. Right?" Stuffing his hands in his pockets he shifted his weight and wiped at his eyes. "We were good together. It's just 'cause we're apart - I mean sometimes it's about what's right, what you know. Like take you and me for example - just because I feel something when you touch..." he cleared his throat. "Can you drive?"

There was very little of Jared's statement that Jensen agreed with, except the feeling something when they touched but there was no _just because_. It was some sort of sign. This was all fate playing her hand. Jensen was _supposed_ to be here and he realized that with a sharp slap in the face, so to speak. If he wasn't here, then Jared would have fallen apart after the phone call. Jensen was going to be his sanity but it didn't seem likely that he'd talk him out of this journey to heart break. Sighing softly Jensen held out his hand, "yeah. I can drive." It was the safest point to address and Jensen was beginning to learn that being safe was smarter where this man was involved.

"Thank you." Jared sighed out a long breath, "and... thanks... for..." he tried to get back to himself, find the sanity that he'd had when he left home. Slinging his arm over Jensen's shoulder Jared tugged him toward the truck. "M'glad you're here - I know that might sound stupid."

"It doesn't," Jensen said softly, whole body flaring to life at the warmth of Jared pressed against his side. They stopped in front of the grill, ready to break apart and head to their separate doors, but Jensen rolled slightly to face him, bringing their bodies inches apart once more. "Keys," he said softly, head tilting up to gaze into soft, sad hazel eyes.

Jared was a hugger. He came from a long line of people who liked to touch and right at the moment he really wanted to feel like _someone_ cared. Slipping his other arm around Jensen he pulled him in against his body, fingers curling round the back of the other man's neck. "I mean it, thank you," he murmured against Jensen's hair, fingers finally moving through those long brown curls at the nape of his neck.

Jensen was unprepared for the sharp jolt of pleasure and _want_ that coursed through him at Jared's hug. Because he was a firm believer in, well, a lot of things, Jensen _knew_. Right away. Without a word. It was the _something_. Only not at all like he thought it would be. He certainly hadn't intended for his _something_ to be hopelessly in love with some guy who was probably seeing someone else. _cruel fate_. "You're welcome," Jensen said softly, letting his arms circle Jared's body slowly.

Pulling back slightly Jared felt his lips brush along the soft hair and he blinked back the urge to stay _right_ there in that spot. " _O_ kay, driving... we should..." His hand slipped down, settling on Jensen's hip almost naturally.

Looking back up at him Jensen could feel the moment still around them, heavy with the weight of an instant connection seldom felt on this earth. "Okay..." he whispered, body tingling as he slid forward until his thighs were brushing against Jared's, chests just barely touching. Jensen could smell everything Jared and he suddenly felt as if he were watching this moment from afar, as if someone had taken his life and laid it out before him. And because he had no problem accepting the unexpected, Jensen found himself only pleased.

Jared's heart was suddenly beating way faster than it should be and he was far _too_ aware of the heat coming from Jensen's body and how close he was. _God_ , Jared really didn't need to let this get more complicated than it already was. "I... we should find a plac ... I need to get a good night's sleep with no sex." Jared's cheeks burned hot almost instantly. "I mean, at the last motel there was a couple next door - not that I was _wanting_ to have sex. I do - but not - I could..." he blew out a breath, fingers squeezing Jensen's hip as he stepped back. "Truck." He darted around to the passenger door and climbed into the truck quickly, wondering what the _hell_ he'd gotten himself into.

For a moment Jensen was left still standing in front of the truck, moment shattered around him and falling to the ground slowly. He shook his head at his own stupidity as he turned and headed for the driver's side. Jared _couldn't_ be his _something_. Fate was a cruel bitch sometimes but even she wouldn't be so mean as to send him someone was very clearly focused on some other guy. Even if they'd had some sort of _moment_ out there, it was probably because it had been awhile for Jensen - and likely Jared - and they both obviously thought the other was attractive and Jared needed _comfort_. But there was no way Jensen could get involved with someone who was already involved. Lesson learned. "I'm sure there will be a motel or something up the road with some spare rooms, we’ll stop at the first one we see," Jensen informed as he settled behind the steering wheel.

"Okay," Jared stared out the passenger side window watching as the sky changed colours, golden at first then darkening and changing to a darker mauve. The slow rocking of the truck was peaceful and Jared opted for silence rather than fitting another foot in his mouth. He hadn't meant to fall asleep, but the day's ride on the emotional roller coaster combined with the mostly sleepless night he'd had at the motel conspired against him and soon enough he nodded off. His head fell back against the seat and he was asleep long before he slid down the leather and nuzzled against Jensen's shoulder.

The entire scenario felt oddly surreal to Jensen, driving this man's truck, letting him sleep against his side, glancing over to admire how peaceful he looked. He lost himself in the miles of road, thinking how rare it was he got the opportunity to drive. He'd missed it. But his car had broken down about seven months ago and Jensen took that as the world's way of letting him now he hitchhiking was the way to go.

It was late, almost eleven, by the time Jensen finally pulled to the side of the road. He hadn't been tired and he had a feeling Jared would appreciate being that much closer to NYC in the morning. Jared mumbled sleepily as Jensen gently pushed him across the seat. Eventually Jensen managed to slide out of the driver's side and head into the office. They had a room with two beds but Jensen thought the gesture might be pushing his luck or something - that and he wasn't certain he'd be able to sleep at all if he could see Jared the entire time - so he got two rooms with queen sized beds and headed back out to pull the truck into a spot in front of their rooms.

"Hey, Jared," Jensen said softly, fingers stroking along the creamy expanse of Jared's cheek. There were no lines on his face as he slept, no worry or sadness; Jared was completely and utterly gorgeous. "Jared... we're at the motel," he murmured, fingers stroking through silky brown hair.

Jared mumbled softly and turned into Jensen's wrist lips parting to kiss the soft skin. Curling his fingers over Jensen's arm and tugging it up under his cheek he mumbled, "m'sleepin'. Shhh." And dreaming, Chad was in bed beside him and everything was fine - and all happily ever after.

"Um..." Jensen swallowed thickly, heart racing once more. "Jared?" He tried to speak a little louder this time, not to keen on the idea of pulling his hand back though he figured he should. "We're here. Wake up." Jensen cleared his throat, wetting his lips slowly.

Jared's eye lids fluttered open and he cleared his throat, sleepy and bleary-eyed. "Shit, m'sorry..." Yawning, he pushed himself up on the seat rubbing his hands down over his face. "You shoulda woken me up... where are we?" He looked out the window, yawning again, "you found a motel..."

"Yeah, we crossed the Tennessee border an hour or so ago," Jensen smiled softly and nudged Jared's legs to the side so he could grab his backpack from the floor of the cab. "Got you a room and everything," he grinned at Jared before sliding back out of the driver's side door and slamming the door. He walked around the front of the truck and tugged Jared's door open a moment later, offering a hand, "fifteen steps and you can be on a nice bed. Fast asleep."

Sliding his palm across Jensen's Jared laughed as he hauled himself out of the truck. "It's been a long week..." he ran his hand through his hair and reached behind the seat to grab his bag. "Guess... did you get two rooms or one?" His bag got stuck and he stumbled back a few steps when he finally managed to tug it loose.

"I... I thought it would be safe- um... better. To get two. I got two," Jensen chuckled, surprised by how he stumbled over the words. "I thought it was a little presumptuous, getting one room. Not that we'd... you know," Jensen looked over at Jared who was simply staring at him then dropped his gaze to the ground. Coughing, Jensen rubbed along the back of his neck and reached in his pocket, holding out a room key, "here you go."

Jared grabbed the key and fiddle with it, running his fingers over the lettering. "Thanks, I guess... you're probably tired. Are you going to sleep now?" For some reason Jared didn't want to be by himself. In no small part it was because he didn't want to call Chad again for round two of his humiliation.

"I don't know, probably not," Jensen pulled his own key from his pocket, considering it and wondering if he should have just gotten one room with two beds. He didn't like feeling so unsure. "I could... we could hang out for awhile if you're not tired. Watch TV or something?" Jensen shrugged, folding his coat over his arm.

A warm smile spread over Jared's face. "I'd like that... shoulda got one room with two beds... then we coulda just hung out and stuff." Squaring his shoulders he checked the number on his key and headed over to the matching door. "Come on in," he pushed the door open and tossed his bag against the wall. "Bathroom," he said and strode across the room shutting the door behind him.

Jensen slowly closed the front door of the motel room and looked around. It looked pretty typical for a motel and he'd definitely seen his fair share. Crossing to the table he dropped his coat and backpack onto the chair and slid his shoes off. Stretching his arms high above his head he groaned, back tense from the way he'd been sitting in the truck for so many hours. He scratched absently along his chest, glancing at the guide for the TV on the table as he pushed his shirt up further to itch.

As he came out of the bathroom Jared's eyes zeroed in on the expanse of golden-brown flesh that Jensen was running his nails over. He stood in the doorway, half in and half out, staring until Jensen looked over at him and smiled. Willing his legs to move forward Jared offered Jensen his back as he struggled out of his jacket. Toeing off his boots slowly, Jared leaned on the back of the chair silently _willing_ Jensen to pull his shirt back down. "Want one of those sodas we bought earlier?"

"Sure," Jensen nodded and dropped his hand, letting his shirt fall over his body once more. He stared at the tense line of Jared's shoulders, wondering if the man was still worrying about the phone call earlier. Stepping forward slowly he laid his hand on Jared's back, "you okay?"

"Yeah," the weight of Jensen's hand on his back was strangely comforting even though the heat was driving a path through his body straight to his hips. "Yeah," he turned quickly and side-stepped away from Jensen to root through the plastic bag and hand him a can of soda. "Shoulda got some beer," he mumbled.

Jensen's hand hovered in midair for a moment before he dropped it and shrugged. "Yeah, shoulda," he nodded slowly and took the can of soda, turning to walk to the bed and drop down on the edge. "So, I can't say I watch much TV... you care for anything in particular?" He glanced up at Jared and smiled once more, considering the man with a gentle tilt of his head.

"Maybe some kind of _bad_ movie or something?" Realizing he was behaving like an idiot, a sixteen year old idiot, Jared shook his head and turned to face Jensen with a smile on his face. "Anything is fine - we could throw MTV on too, listen to the good songs and talk through the crappy ones." He laughed softly. Chad hated it when he talked while they were watching TV.

"Sure," Jensen nodded and snatched the remote off the nightstand as he flopped back. Shifting and sliding back across the mattress he flicked the TV on and skimmed through the station until he found one playing music videos. His eyebrows lifted at the scantily clad woman grinding against people on the screen and he couldn't help laughing, "crazy the things they'll put on TV now a days." Glancing at Jared once more he patted the bed beside him and dropped the remote into the empty space next to his leg.

Smiling, Jared flopped down beside Jensen, crossing his legs at the ankle. "I know right? And man, I'd hate to be trying to raise a daughter these days... Dude... if these videos are any indication - teenage boys are worse than I ever was." He took a sip of his coke and nodded knowingly.

"The advantage of being gay," Jensen nodded in agreement and sipped from his own coke, scrunching up his face in slight disgust at the woman on the screen. "My guess is she's not even really singing. It's probably her half attempting in a mic before they completely work it over with some techno crap. That's why I've always marvelled at those people who could sing without all the other crap, just them you know?"

"Can you sing? I can't carry a tune in a fuckin' bucket." Jared laughed softly and put his coke down for a few moments while he tried to fluff up the pillow behind him. Flopping back down into it he rolled onto his side and studied Jensen's freckles. "Hey... you feel like telling me anymore about... your guy?"

Jensen frowned and thought about Jared's request. He hadn't spoken about the man in a long time but something in him liked the idea of sharing the story with Jared, perhaps passing on some wisdom. "I think I can tell you a little more, but if I suddenly can't... well... you'll understand why," Jensen glanced at him and half smiled. "What would you like to know?"

"Did you think he was _the one_? Did it feel like that?" Sure, it was a selfish question. Jared had never really thought that Chad was the person he would spend his entire life with - but love was like that- or at least he thought maybe it was.

"Hmm... at times," Jensen let himself drift back to that time, imagining life _before_. "He had this way of making me feel like I was the only person alive when we were together. Like... when it was just the two of us, we were invincible," Jensen's smile was almost fond, eyes turning up to the ceiling as he continued. "But other times... he drove me so crazy. He'd look at me like I was just a kid, or he'd ignore me for days on end and I'd go out of my mind to figure out what I'd done wrong."

"So how did you not know... about... him being married? Didn't you spend a lot of time together?" That was how Jared wanted to feel when he was with someone - like he was the only person alive.

Jensen sighed softly and took a long drink. He stalled by reaching over to set his coke on the nightstand and slid back until he was lying beside Jared on his back, eyes once more on the ceiling. "We did spend a lot of time together. Sometimes he'd come to my place and stay for weeks. Sometimes I wouldn't see him for almost a month. I found out later he was telling his wife he was on a business trip," Jensen pursed his lips, hurt sparking through him as he vividly remembered the fallout. "She obviously never knew about me. No one in his life did. But everyone in my life knew about him. He even met my parents."

"I wouldn't keep someone like you a secret. You're pretty amazing." Jared's finger was tracing the design on the quilt. "You must have been... man... I can't imagine. How did you find out?" It was making Jared's heart ache just to think of Jensen having to feel like that - he hadn't known him long but he knew he deserved better.

Jensen's eyes closed, mind transporting him to that day as if it had just happened. "It was fate. One of those days where everything that happens sets you down this path until you reach the inevitable conclusion. My car wouldn't start, so I called my brother for a ride. He had to drop his wife off downtown first so we went that way. We hit traffic, making us late so I called the office and they said it was okay if I came in after lunch. Having some free time my brother and I decided to get some breakfast. Normally we would have eaten by my work or his but well, there was this place by my sister-in-law's work and she insisted we try it. So we did. And everything was just fine until I happened to look outside only to see Tom. With his wife and little girl. He was kissing them both goodbye. I thought I was seeing things so I went out to investigate and... I wasn't... seeing things. He was holding her close and kissing her with such _passion_." Tears pricked along Jensen's eyes as they fluttered open, "I just stared for awhile until he noticed me. I could see it on his face, the shock. Just shock, then... annoyance. Like me catching him had somehow ruined _his_ life." Jensen sucked in a sharp breath and laid his hand over his eyes.

Jared winced, watching the pain tighten across Jensen's body. His reached up then clenched his fingers into a fist and rested it again his lips for a few moments. "Did you speak to him after that?" He watched as Jensen's body trembled slightly and shook his head and reached out to rub the top of the other man's arm gently.

"Yes. Once," Jensen nodded, glancing over at Jared. "He came by that night, acting like nothing had happened. That's when I found out that he'd been married the whole time. He said... when I told him I loved him, and how much he hurt me... he said he thought I knew. Knew that this would never be more than fucking around, having a good time. He said he never loved..." Jensen choked on the word and shook his head. "I only saw him one more time after that. Over Christmas when I went back. He was with another guy. I felt so bad for the kid I wanted to warn him but I wasn't strong enough."

Fingers stretching up Jared brushed them through Jensen's hair and let them trail down his cheek. "I'm... that's horrible. He sounds like a total asshole." Slipping his hand over the other man's shoulder he massaged gently. "You deserve _way_ better than that." People like this _Tom_ guy should just be shot. "You should get back what you give - equal - you know that right?"

"I do," Jensen nodded and blew out a low breath, gaining control of his emotions before rolling on his side and gazing at the man. "Now I do. So I'm going to be more careful next time, ensure I know the truth about the guy before... with Tom it just kind of happened. I met him on a whim and it just never stopped. But now... I'm on a _quest_." He smiled softly at Jared and half shrugged.

"You are..." Jared's hand had slid down to Jensen's chest when he rolled and... against his better judgment he just left it there. "And, I'm willing to bet you’ll be very successful." Jared smiled, wishing, for just a moment that he had met someone like Jensen before he'd gotten together with Chad. Blinking, he looked down at his fingers. "Sorry...” he pulled his hand back, realizing he was probably over-stepping his boundaries.

"I'm not," Jensen said softly and looked up at Jensen. He wondered if Jared felt the same things he did, the little sparks, the suggestion that something might be there between them. "Sorry. You know, to have met you. Or anything else that comes along with that. It feels oddly like a weight has been lifted, telling someone the story who wasn't there to witness my melt down." Jensen smiled and unconsciously shifted closer to Jared.

"Me... either," Jared cleared his throat, "not sorry I met you. You're a... you're an interesting man, Jensen." Licking his own lips, he couldn't help looking at Jensen's. They looked soft, _so_ full, smooth and an almost perfect shape. Tilting his head a little, Jared's eyes moved over the other man's face and he reached up to curl his hand over Jensen's neck again, "you... look different now. You feel better now you talked a little?" The flesh on Jensen's neck was warm, almost hot, and really Jared only wanted his hand there to be close enough to feel the smooth curls as they ran over the backs of his fingers.

Jensen wet his lips slowly, that earlier feeling of this being a _moment_ settling over him. "Yeah, I do," he said softly, finding himself shifting forward once more. Warning bells were going off in his head, reminding him that this whole thing would be foolish, should anything happen. Jared's heart clearly belonged to someone else and Jensen couldn't _do_ that again. And yet he lifted his hand and settled his fingers over Jared's jaw, tracing the soft skin and meeting hazel eyes. Jensen was no longer aware of what song was playing on the TV; in fact he hadn't been since the very first one. It was just Jared, and them, and the possibility of _more_. "Thank you for listening," he whispered, feeling as if speaking louder would break the moment.

Sucking in a deep breath Jared tried to move back, well, he _thought_ about moving back - just couldn't seem to convince his body to go anywhere. His fingers tightened on Jensen's neck and he closed his eyes for a few moments. "Jensen..." his voice was honey-thick and soft.

The sound of his name on Jared's lips washed over him, sparking pleasant tingles along his skin and Jensen swallowed, trailing his fingers down to Jared's chin. He hadn't realized how his breathing had grown a little more shallow, legs shifting forward to rest gently against Jared's. "I know... we should..." Jensen once more wet his lips and slid his fingers up, heart fluttering as the tip of his index finger gently traced the line of Jared's lower lip. "Jared I..." he wanted to _kiss_ Jared, suddenly more than he wanted anything, but he knew the reasons he shouldn't, they shouldn't.

The air rushed out of Jared's lungs, puffing his lips open under Jensen's finger. Opening his eyes slowly, Jared swallowed as he pressed his lips to the pad of Jensen's finger gently. Heat flooded through his body. _Fuck_ , he was hopelessly aware of every inch of the man's body that was close to his. Moving his head slowly, Jared tilted and turned so that Jensen's thumb moved over his cheek, then across his chin to his lips. Each breath he took was more gasp than the one before.

Everything about every little touch seemed too _intense_ and Jensen had never felt something that made his heart race so much, not even in the middle of sex. "Your lips..." he whispered, thumb pressing firmly into Jared's lower lip as he slid along the soft flesh. Jensen swallowed again and blinked slowly, eyes heavy with the sudden heat coursing through him. Jensen's mind pulsed _something_ over and over and he dipped forward slightly, resting his own lips at the bottom knuckle on his thumb, so close he could feel the heat of Jared's released breath. Their noses just barely brushed and Jensen's heart stuttered over beats.

Panting softly, Jared's fingers slipped one by one down off the heat of Jensen's neck until they could curl into the material of the man's shirt. He extended the arm that was under his head so his fingers could tangle in Jensen's locks. Moaning softly Jared sucked in a breath and held it. What the hell was it about this guy that made... everything seem to perfect? Everything focused down on him, just in this space, these few millimetres in between them. Too much distance and not nearly enough.

Jared's moan shot through Jensen's body like fire and he echoed the moan in response, leg slipping between Jared's easily. The air around them was filled with soft pants, heavy and thick. He was all too aware of the slight tug in his hair, only serving to heighten his arousal. Jensen had never been so turned on by... well, basically anything. The gentle touch of Jared's lips under his fingers, the gentle whisper of fingers on his chest. Shifting forward an inch Jensen let the side of his nose brush gently along Jared's, eyes fluttering closed, lips _so_ close one tiny little shift would bring them finally together.

Breathing their shared air Jared swallowed and rubbed his nose against Jensen's cheek. His fingers were clenched so tightly in Jensen's t-shirt that his knuckles ached and the tendons in his forearm were corded and straining. It was more of a twitch than a deliberate movement that brought their lips together and Jared's body flooded with sensation. The _slightest_ touch, the _most_ he'd ever felt. Scared to move, Jared froze - hot breath flowing over his lips.

The whole thing was almost surreal and despite Jensen's claims to be on a quest for something bigger and better in the world, he'd never imagined it to be quite like this. But one little touch of Jared's lips and it was like the world around them had completely frozen. It was the stuff of movies and books, supposed fiction that shouldn't _really_ come true but it was. Jensen gasped softly before pressing his lips more firmly forward, letting their lips rest together for a long moment before gently parting his mouth, enjoying the drag of soft wet silk and nearly dizzying heat.

Shuddering forward, lips parting, Jared was suddenly pressed up against Jensen's entire body. His chest clenched tightly, blood shooting through his veins and his eyes snapped open. Pushing himself back with the hand already on Jensen's chest he groaned softly as their lips parted. "I... we can't..." Arms shaking, Jared tried to push himself up then rolled to drop his legs down over the side of the bed so he could sit. "I don't wanna be _that_ guy..." Because Jensen, _God_ if he wasn't the most beautiful soul alive Jared didn't know who would be. And he shouldn't be with someone who was chasing someone else. Granted - it might _well_ be a lost cause. He couldn't live with himself if he hurt someone like Jensen.

Rejection stung sharp through Jensen, even though he knew Jared was right and he respected him for stopping things before they could get carried away. Which very easily could have happened. Jensen was suddenly very glad he'd gotten the second room. "Okay," he said softly and pushed up off the bed, knees still slightly weak from the heat. "You're right," he nodded and shifted against the uncomfortable pressure in his jeans. "I should go to bed. You probably want to get an early start. I mean... if I can still..." Jensen swallowed thickly and kept his gaze fixed on his backpack as he walked toward it, heart slowly returning to normal.

Pressing his hands into his eyes for a few moments, and then dropping them, Jared looked up at Jensen’s back. Standing quickly he stumbled forward and grabbed Jensen’s hand, not pulling enough for him to turn around. "I'm sorry - I didn't mean to hurt you... or... I mean that's a big assumption... it's maybe. I think it's a Texan thing," he attempted a lame joke, "I... can't cheat on someone. Listen, you might be right," he whispered, "about Chad." It hurt to even say the words but he _knew_ he'd never felt this kind of fire from a kiss before. "But... I owe it to him... to me - to try. We were together a long time." His fingers tightened on Jensen's arm when it felt like he might pull away, "I owe it to you _not_ to do something I can't follow up."

"I don't need an explanation Jared, I already know," Jensen said softly. At this point, _Chad_ was the last name on the planet he wanted to hear. He wanted to tell Jared how this whole thing was stupid, how Chad had clearly moved on and Jared should do likewise, that there was a distinct possibility that Jared could be his _something_. But he kept his mouth shut and pulled free from Jared's grasp. "Life you know? I get how it works. I've stopped questioning fate and the paths we go down. It's just easier that way," Jensen shrugged and curled his fingers around his backpack, tugging it up along with his coat. "I'll see you in the morning?" He turned back to Jared, forcing a smile to let the man know he was okay.

"Y..yeah, I guess... sure." Jared shoved his hair off his face, feeling suddenly quite hollow.

Jensen sighed softly and forced his legs into motion, crossing the room and tugging the door open. He hesitated there, fingers curling around the frame as he looked over his shoulder, "Jared..." he fixed his eyes on the man, pursing his lips in thought before shaking his head.”Night," he muttered and stepped out the door, closing it firmly behind him.

Jared was at the door in a few strides wanting to open it and yank Jensen back into to room. But. _But_... Leaning heavily against the door he rolled his forehead back and forth against the cool wood. Sometimes, the world just threw cruel punches. Even if he didn't have feelings for Chad - which he obviously did - they _knew_ each other. Being with Chad - might be a little predictable - maybe that's what he was chasing. The comfort of something he _knew_. Shaking his head Jared padded back into the room and undressed crawling under the covers and burying his face in the pillow that Jensen had been lying on.


	3. Chapter 3

When Jensen woke the next morning it was with a little flair of anxiety, the thought that maybe Jared had left already and he'd never see him again. This, despite things not going quite the way he’d like, was a very unpleasant thought. So he rolled out of bed and padded quickly over to the window, pushing the blinds over to ensure Jared's truck was still there. It was and relief flooded through him with the slow exhale. Safe in the knowledge that Jared hadn't left, and the room through the wall sounded silent, Jensen headed toward the shower.

Fifteen minutes later he was all clean, damp hair resting along the collar of his black t-shirt, and jean coat. He gathered up his things, shoving them roughly into his backpack and throwing it over his shoulders before heading out the door. For a long few minutes he stared at Jared's door, wondering if he should wake him. But seeing as doing that would only bring them one step closer to their inevitable conclusion, Jensen decided against it. Instead he walked to the edge of the sidewalk and stepped down, dropping until he was sitting on the cool cement.

Jensen had a lot of downtime waiting for rides and such, so his bag came stocked with a supply of things to pass the time. A cell phone he turned on every other day to check messages. A new book he'd pick up at some mini-mart, leaving the old one resting on a ledge to be found and dealt with by someone else. A Sudoku book and one that alternated between crosswords and word searches once finished. A notebook with stamps and envelopes so he could write to his family. On most occasions Jensen would pull any of these items out to pass the time but now he simply sat and waited.

Jared had jolted awake quite early suddenly concerned that Jensen might have moved on without him, picked up another ride or just started walking in the opposite direction. He showered quickly, shoved some clean clothes on his body and threw his bag over his shoulder. Yanking the door open he rushed out and nearly fell over Jensen. "Oh... hi..." he mumbled, flustered to be caught rushing out of his room. "I was worried you... well," He sucked in a breath and stepped down off the sidewalk looking down at Jensen. "You eat breakfast already?"

Looking curiously up at him Jensen shook his head and stood, brushing dirt off the back of his jeans. "Nope. And I was kind of worried too. That you might have left," Jensen shrugged and smiled softly at him, glancing around the parking lot. "Wanna stop somewhere or hit up a drive thru?"

Smiling, relief flooding through him now that he knew that Jensen was still there and still willing to go with him. "You choose." He unlocked his truck with the key fob and threw his bag in the back then turned to offer Jensen his hand, "c'mon - I'm hungry."

Glancing at Jared's hand Jensen's smile faltered. It was probably best to avoid any sort of touching from this point out, especially considering the way it made Jensen's heart race even at the thought. He stepped forward and let his fingers curl into the straps on his backpack. "I think I saw a diner down the street. You wanna walk there?" He glanced toward the street, scratching his nails into the straps.

Curling his fingers into his palm Jared let his hand fall back to his side. "Sure, you wanna put your bag in the truck?" He averted his eyes, unable to meet Jensen's gaze now that he was so unsure where they stood.

"I like to have it with me," Jensen shrugged and started off across the parking lot, ensuring Jared was following with a half glance over his shoulder. "When your entire life is in your backpack, it's kind of a security blanket to carry it with you," he smiled softly at the thought and tightened his hold on the straps. "So, you think we'll get to NYC today? Or tomorrow?"

"Tomorrow, I guess. Hadn't even thought about it yet." It surprised him. He'd woken up and his first thought had been about whether or not Jensen was gone. "You still want to go there? I could take you somewhere else first if you want." He took a few quick steps to catch up to Jensen's side, glancing at the other man out of the corner of his eye.

"Seems like as good a place as any," Jensen glanced at the street around them as they walked. "Still okay with taking me that far?" His eyes shifted to Jared, catching the tail end of the man's tongue dragging across his lips and looking away.

Nodding quickly Jared smiled, "yeah, course. Enjoy the company." And he wasn't ready for Jensen to be gone yet. Wasn't ready to completely give up on the idea that there might be another opportunity to accidentally kiss those lips.

Jensen's smile brightened slightly and he nodded, "okay, good." He wasn't too keen on the idea of parting ways with Jared anyway and as far as he was concerned, the drive could take the rest of forever and he'd be okay with that. The diner parking lot only had a few cars and Jensen tugged open the front door for Jared as they approached, waving him in with a gesture of his hand.

Wandering through the half full diner, Jared settled on a table by the window so they could sit in the sun. Shoving a chair out with his foot he sat down, hands clasped nervously in his lap. "You sleep well?" Jared had fallen into a restless sleep sometime right before dawn. His mind was all over the place, challenging him with new ideas and possible outcomes.

"I suppose," Jensen shrugged and slid his backpack off, dropping down into a free chair and resting it beside him. "Well, honestly not really. Tension and all. But please, don't apologize for anything," Jensen said pre-emptively, a soft smile on his face. "I don't sleep much anyway. How about you? Any crazy dreams?" Jensen glanced at the diner around them before picking up the menu to browse the selection.

"Dreams?" Jared blinked, a small v forming in the middle of his forehead. "I... don't remember my dreams much... and no I didn't sleep well. I felt terrible. Mad at the world." Sighing he looked out the window and watching the vehicles flying past on the highway.

Jensen frowned, considering Jared for a long time before the waitress came. They both ordered coffee and some variation of eggs and the moment the waitress was gone again Jensen reached out and took Jared's hand. As expected, his skin instantly tingled at the touch but he squeezed the man's hand regardless. "The world gives us situations; it's up to us to make the best of them. I... I wish I could blame it on the world but then I'd feel I'd have to blame it for everything that happened in the last twenty four hours and I definitely don't want to do that." Jensen pulled his hand back before Jared could pull away and shrugged, wondering if he sounded a little crazy to the man.

Leaving his hand flat on the table, pressing it against the smooth surface Jared smiled sadly. "I can't help wishing..." He cleared his throat and shook his head. "So, tell me, what happens after? After I drop you off in New York? Where will you go?" He didn't move his hand, staring at it as though by will alone he could draw Jensen back to him again.

"Well... I don't know," Jensen rubbed his palm into his forehead. This entire thing had been about finding his something and Jensen was, at this point, ninety nine percent certain that Jared was that very thing. Which meant his quest was over only this wasn't at all the outcome that he'd expected. "I guess... I'll just... keep doing what I do. Hang out in New York for awhile, see the sights." Jensen felt oddly sad just suggesting that, wondering if there were several _somethings_ out there for him.

"Will you... can I email you or something?" Jared finally looked up, the sinking feeling in his stomach making him finally move his hand to push his hair off his face. "Maybe we could meet up - next time - we're in the same place?" Forcing a smile onto his face he tried to understand what the hell was going on with him.

"From what I understand you have a special attachment to your San Antonio," Jensen pointed out, smiling thanks at the waitress as she set coffee in front of both of them. Waiting until she'd left once more, Jensen sighed and brought his mug to his lips, "I don't get online often but you can have my email address. If you give me your number I can call sometimes, though I alternate my calls between family and a few friends. You can let me know how it goes with actor boyfriend." Jensen's lips twitched in a forced smile, gaze dropping to the coffee in his grasp.

"I think you and I both know how that's going to go." Jared murmured under his breath, not even sure if Jensen could hear him. Fussing with his coffee for a while, putting sugar and cream in it and then stirring it until he realized the movement had become just an automatic gesture. "Probably better if we don't stay in touch anyway." He looked down at the steaming liquid still circling gently in his mug. "Right?" On the off chance that Jared managed to restore his life to what was comfortable, what he knew well, Jensen just wouldn't fit into that. _Not_ the way that Jensen made him feel so unsettled - like he was... missing something.

"Oh," Jensen nodded, wetting his lips and looking to the side. He kept thinking that Jared would snap into it and they'd end up barely making it back to the motel room with the clash of lips. Didn't seem like that was going to be happening any time soon. "Well, I offered. So whatever you feel is best," Jensen shrugged and drained his coffee, unsettled by the prospect of never seeing Jared again.

"It's just that..." Jared's voice was thick, with anxiety, and confusion. "I... if Chad and I..." he looked up briefly and found he didn't quite have the courage to meet Jensen's gaze. "You're... there's something about you. You're the kind of guy that I want... that everyone wants to fall in..." Jared couldn't seem to find the words to say that in the midst of his desperation to get back to what he knew with Chad - that _safe_ little world that he'd had for so many years - he was sitting here feeling like he felt more for Jensen than he ever had for anyone else. Shoulders sagging slightly he wrapped long fingers around the heat of his coffee mug. "I wish, that we'd met... before."

"You wouldn't have liked me before," Jensen said softly and scratched at his brow. "Especially if by before you mean before Chad," Jensen circled his finger along the rim of the coffee mug slowly. "I have shit luck," he glanced up at Jared with a humourless chuckle. "Always the _other_ guy. Fate, she is a cruel bitch," he frowned and turned over his shoulder, looking for the waitress with their food.

Jared's eyes dropped back to the table. Looking at Jensen's lips, knowing that they were as soft and full as they seemed was making his heart ache. "I... we gotta be quick," he said. Shifting uncomfortably he looked out the window again and closed his eyes. Voice only a whisper he sighed, "I can't think about anything other than kissing you." When he turned back to look at Jensen he felt tears prickling at the corners of his eyes. "Bathroom," he muttered and shot out of the booth to head toward the back of the diner.

Watching him go Jensen sighed and laid his palm over his face. "Cruel fucking bitch indeed," he muttered into his flesh, glancing up as a plate was set before him. "Thanks," he smiled at the waitress and she nodded, refilling both their coffees before heading in the opposite direction. Jensen wasn't very hungry but he knew his body needed the nutrients. Jared's words were humming in his mind, and honestly it was all he was thinking about as well, kissing Jared, and he suddenly _really_ disliked Chad.

Jared thought about storming back out into the dinner and grabbing Jensen by his jacket, yanking him out of the booth and dragging him... somewhere... anywhere they could be alone. He thought about sneaking out the back door and leaving, driving as fast as he could to New York and finding Chad. He thought about a thousand options and none of them stuck. In no small part it was because he felt like he had one more day to try and reach Chad on the phone and settle things, find out if he was fighting for _something_ or _nothing_.

When he finally slid back into the booth Jared's cheeks were still damp from the water he had splashed on his face. "Hadda wash my face," he mumbled and picked up his fork, jamming some eggs into his mouth so he wouldn't say anything else. Apparently, simple conversation had become a mine field that Jared didn't have the courage to cross.

Jensen considered Jared silently for a few minutes before stabbing his fork into his eggs and bringing it to his mouth. Once he'd forced himself to swallow, he said softly, "you know maybe I should just go on my way. Clearly I'm only making things harder on you and... you're so determined to work things out with Chad; I'm only going to stand in the way of that. And if it really is as great as you say it is, well then it's not my place to stand in the way of that." Jensen smiled sadly and speared more eggs on his fork, "I'm sure I'm no good for you anyway."

Choking for a few moments as he tried to swallow, Jared held up his hand. "N..No... I... well," he swallowed and coughed, "I didn't say it was great. That things were great. It's just a lot of time went into me and Chad - doesn't that count for something? I had these ideas in my head... that _my_ place would be _our_ place one day and he would get some sort of local job. My family already knows him and there'd be no big deal they like him already - so if he ever let me tell them about us... you know - it wouldn't be a problem..."

Nodding slowly Jensen pushed his food around his plate, appetite all but gone. "Yeah. That's how it was with Tom. We were _together_ for almost four years. And he knew my family and friends, they all adored him. I always imagined we'd get a nice big apartment downtown. Hell for awhile there I thought we might even get marr-" Jensen choked on the word before shaking his head and looking to the side. When he returned his gaze to Jared he shrugged, "Not that Chad is anything like Tom."

"He's probably having sex with that Chris guy." Jared lowered his fork slowly to the plate. It felt strange to say it out loud even though some part of his mind had been thinking it ever since his ill-fated phone call. "That's probably what he meant - about Chad being a chicken. Chad hasn't told me... that he's seeing someone else." Staring at his plate his could feel his eyes go out of focus slightly. Chad had said they should see other people, there was no point in being alone while they were apart, it was _human nature_ to hook up with people. And - here Jared was - thinking about his lips all over Jensen's body and proving Chad's point.

"Probably," Jensen admitted with a nod. "But... you're still going there aren't you? You won't just call him up and make him tell you it's over. You're going to fight for... whatever it is you have with Chad. Had with Chad. Which sounds a lot like safety, security, something you _know_ and easier to handle than something unknown and possibly really, really great." Jensen sighed, long and low, trying not to let his agitation show.

"I'll call him tonight? See if he says anything? And you're making an assumption that it's over. I don't know that. He _did_ say we could see other people." Jared pushed his plate away from him with hardly two bites of eggs missing. “Not everyone is as comfortable with their sexuality as you are ya know?" Jared knocked back the rest of his coffee and slid the empty mug across to the edge of the table. "And I don't like the unknown. The unknown kicks me in the ass a lot."

"Jared, life is made up of the unknown. That's all it is. If we knew everything then what would be the point in living?" Jensen shook his head, pushing his food away as well and pulling a twenty dollar bill from his wallet, laying it on the table. "But what the hell do I know? I'm just some crazy, once heartbroken hitchhiker who was on this insane quest for _something_." Jensen pushed out of his seat and stood, dragging a hand through his hair. "I wish you luck with your actor boyfriend Jared. But it probably is better if I go off on my own now," Jensen pulled his backpack up and slipped his arms through the straps.

Jared's heart immediately started thumping like crazy. "Don't go," he whispered toward the table. Looking up, meeting Jensen's gaze Jared said it again only louder. "Don't go, stay, come with me. I have no right to ask you and you're probably right about it not making anything any easier but... I don't want you to leave yet. I can't tell you why..." he shrugged, "because I don't know. Just don't leave yet." He closed his eyes, uncertain what the expression on Jensen's face meant, "please."

Wetting his lip slowly Jensen considered the request for a few minutes, weighed the pros and cons. After so long relying on fate to guide his way, one circumstance after another, Jensen searched for a sign, something to tell him that this would be right. Jensen's eyes drifted down to the table, blinking slowly as he realized he'd pushed his uneaten food into the vaguest shape of a J, only there if you were looking for it. It was good enough for him. "Okay. I'll stay with you," he said softly and lifted his eyes from the plate to Jared's features, smile just barely tugging at his lips.

Opening his eyes slowly, Jared let out a sigh of relief. "Okay? Okay. Good. We... we should go." He slid to the edge of the bench quickly and stood without realizing he was almost right in front of Jensen. Because he was slightly taller, Jensen glanced up at him the slight smile still on his lips. Impulsively, Jared leaned down quickly and pressed his lips to Jensen's cheek. "Thank you," he murmured against the freckled skin. Taking a step back he grinned, "wanna just get on the road? We can stop for a good lunch later."

Swallowing thickly Jensen nodded and smiled at Jared before turning for the door. As he walked his fingers lifted, brushing along his cheek where Jared's lips had touched so briefly. His heart was fluttering in response to everything Jared and Jensen had a sneaking suspicion it was going to be a long couple of days.

While Jensen wandered off to go to the bathroom Jared stepped back outside into the morning sunlight, squinting slightly. It was going to be another beautiful day. Slipping his hands into his jacket pocket he felt his phone and pulled it out. What could it hurt to call Chad one more time? He might get a definitive answer, something that could help him figure out what to do. Flipping his phone up in the air for a few moments he snatched it out of the air and hit Chad's number.

"I've got- Hey. Jared," Chad sighed with an answer and fabric rustled over the phone, a cough echoing in the background. "It's kinda early man, we... I just barely got up."

He didn't miss the pronoun. Clearing his throat, Jared ran his hand through his hair. "We?"

"Yeah. My roommate," Chad cleared his throat and a deep voice said his name in the background. "Chris, shut up. Sorry. Is something wrong? Why are you calling so early?"

"What's going on Chad?" Jared's voice was a little shaky and he closed his eyes, turning his face up into the sun. "With you and me..."

"Jared..." Chad sighed softly, turning water on that echoed through the line. "You know I'll always love you. You were and are _such_ an important person in my life. And I do miss you. But... it's different now. We're different. You know that, I know you do."

A muscle in Jared's jaw started to twitch, "say it." His fingers moved up to the side of his jaw. "Just say what's going on," he growled.

There was a long moment of silence in which the water turned off before Chad sighed once more. "Jared... there's someone else. And... I think he might be the one you know? I'm sorry... I thought you would just understand that after I moved we couldn't be together anymore. I'm not ever moving back home and I know you, you'll never leave. You're not that type of guy. I'm really sorry okay?"

"Yeah," Jared sighed and opened his eyes, pacing a few steps away from the door, "me too. I'm halfway to New York." He stood there, tears welling in his eyes and stared down the highway. He had to go back home and try to live with the fact that everything had changed; things were never going to be what he wanted them to be.

"You're... you're halfway here?" Chad repeated slowly and blew out a low breath. "Well... do you want to come the rest of the way? You... you could see my play. It would be nice to see a friendly face. I mean, I understand if you can't but... Jesus Jared I can't believe you've made this drive... it's so... not like you."

"Does it make a difference? That I'm on my way? To... with us, I mean?" He knew what the answer was going to be before he even said it.

"No..." Chad sighed and the water turned on once more. "Jared... Chris is... it's _more_ with him you know? You'll find it someday. That someone who makes your mind spin and your heart race... trust me. You and me? We were good but I think we've both always known it couldn't be forever. You just have a harder time accepting change."

"Right," Jared felt a tear slide down his cheek and wiped at it with the back of his hand. "Okay, I'm gonna...” he opened his eyes to the sun for a moment then looked down at the ground, "I'll talk to you later. I... I really hope things work out for you Chad." The lump in his throat felt like it was about the size of a baseball.

"You too Jared. I'll text you my address if you do happen to come the rest of the way. Call me any time okay?" Chad coughed once more before saying a soft, "okay, bye Jared." And the line clicked dead.

Poking his finger blindly at the phone, Jared ended the call and jammed his phone back in his pocket. It felt like something had been torn out of his chest and he found himself just standing there, staring at his truck. Two weeks off work and nowhere to go - and no one to go _to._

Jensen didn't have to hear the entire conversation, or even the last little bits of Jared's part of it, to understand what had happened. He stood quietly behind Jared, not making his presence known as Jared seemed to absorb whatever had transpired. Judging from the pain on his face and tears on his cheeks, Jensen guessed that Chad had just officially ended things. It irked Jensen, making his nerves bristle. If Chad was going to break up with Jared over the phone he should have just done it while the man was still in San Antonio. Not that Jensen was complaining about the opportunity to meet Jared.

When it seemed Jared had gained control at least of his tears, Jensen slid back a few steps and began to walk over as if he hadn't been there the entire time. "Sorry it took so long, I got caught up talking to the waitress," Jensen smiled and threw his arm over Jared's shoulder, pulling him toward the motel parking lot down the street. Jared seemed surprised by his sudden appearance and Jensen continued to go with the flow. He didn't want Jared to know he'd been listening, so he'd wait for Jared to say something. What that meant for them, Jensen wasn't entirely sure, but he hoped it meant _something_.

Minutes later they were sliding into the cab of the truck and Jensen was officially disturbed by the blank look on Jared's face, like someone had just taken his world and crushed it in their palm. Jensen knew that feeling and knew there wasn't much of a way to fix it. Pain like that was something you just learned to deal with over time. But Jensen could do his part to make the man smile.

They started off along the highway and Jensen set off into a long detailed story about his family. He understood that Jared wouldn't be very interested in talking at the moment so he did enough talking for him. He told Jared about his little sister and how she used to be so obsessed with the Backstreet Boys. Jensen was pleased when, by admitting he himself had a crush on AJ McLean from the boy band, Jared's lips twitched into a slight smile. After all awhile he switched to discussing his brother, the woman he'd married, and the new little niece Jensen had met for the first time when he went home for Christmas.

Next he started in on his parents, how wonderful and accepting they'd been as Jensen slowly began to come into himself, discover who he was, who he preferred. It had been a challenging time in Jensen's life and he explained to Jared how there was no way he would have been able to make it without the help of his family. The more Jensen shared, the more Jared seemed to relax, smile growing as Jensen related the disaster event known as his senior prom, in which he'd taken his friend Steve, just as "friends" and had enjoyed up _so_ drunk off spiked punch that they had both declared their never ending love for one another. And Jared actually let out a small chuckle when Jensen added that Steve was now married to a lovely woman but he'd still flush a deep scarlet if Jensen mentioned that night or spiked fruit punch.

It felt oddly natural to ramble on to Jared about himself, sharing pointless, silly stories and moments that truly shaped him into the man he was today. At the same time it felt pretty selfish, loading all this personal information on Jared, but the man never interrupted outside the casual question to provide more detail on whatever story Jensen was on at the moment. By the time they were pulling over for lunch Jensen thought Jared looked a fair bit better, or at least a little more capable to handle himself, and Jensen's heart was beating steadily. Like sharing so much about himself to Jared had only left him open and vulnerable.

They pulled up to a local restaurant that was a step above a diner but not overly fancy. Jensen smiled softly at the building before looking at Jared and pushing the passenger door open. "Did I really just spend four hours talking about myself?" He laughed and slid out of the truck, slamming the door behind and walking around to the front to wait for Jared. "I swear I have an average sized ego. Just felt like give you an in depth story of my life apparently."

"I liked it," Jared swept his hair back behind his ear as usual, thinking he should stop somewhere and get a haircut "I..." He wanted to tell Jensen everything, collapse against him and breathe in the scent that he'd already become accustomed to. It just seemed like the wrong thing to do; he didn't want Jensen to think that he was a _rebound_ or just a convenient shoulder to cry on. "Things... it was good, listening to you. It sounds like you really love your family." Clearing his throat he turned and walked toward the restaurant before Jensen could see the emotion on his face.

Jensen watched Jared go, sighing softly. It was hard to see the man so upset, especially when he knew there was nothing he could do to comfort him in any way. He followed Jared inside the restaurant, trailing along as the hostess lead them toward a table near the back window. Once they were sitting he decided that maybe Jared didn't want to tell anything to Jensen because he felt like he would be a burden or something and Jensen definitely didn't want Jared to feel that way. "So... are you okay? You've been awful quiet, which, given I've been talking a lot but... is everything okay?" He smiled softly at Jared, pulling the menu open and scanning it slowly.

Staring across the table Jared felt like he was a million miles away from Jensen. He opened his mouth to say something, closed it, looked down at his menu then back up into the kind green eyes. "I think... I've been enough of a burden on you. I'm... I'll be okay. Just," he blinked a few times wondering if it were possible to count the freckles on Jensen's cheeks, "need some time to think."

Shaking his head slowly Jensen half smiled and reached out to pat Jared's hand, "you haven't been a burden. I've enjoyed getting to know you and... I wouldn't change that. Or... you know, want it any other way. Well maybe another way." Jensen chuckled softly and shook his head once more before pulling his hand back. "But I can shut up for awhile, so you'll have some time to think without the constant babbling in the background."

"It's okay, I like you talking. The sound of your voice, I like it." Jared smiled, staring at the spot on his hand where Jensen's had just been. They seemed to do a lot of touching in the most subtle ways - like they were trying to _feel out_ what was happening. "So...” Jared pushed his menu aside, "when you get to New York you going to stay there for a while? Look around? Maybe do some sightseeing?"

Jensen nodded, "yeah of course. Would be pointless to go if I didn't see the major things. I guess I have to rethink things, figure out what to do next." The idea was a little scary. It had been so easy for Jensen to simply say he was on his quest, searching for his something, but now that he was certain he had found it - and it didn't seem likely he was going to get to keep it - he had no clue what to do. Returning home after so many months with nothing seemed a crushing idea.

Fingers flicking at the side of his menu, Jared stared down hard at the paper as though he could read through the cover. "I got Chad on the phone," he offered. The silence across the table was deafening for a few moments and Jared closed his eyes to wait for some kind of acknowledgment.

Trying not to let Jared see the sympathy on his face, Jensen's eyebrow lifted slightly and he nodded, "oh yeah? And... how did that go?" Reaching out Jensen couldn't resist taking Jared's hand once more, letting go suddenly when the waitress approached and got their drink and food order. Once she'd left, Jensen turned back to Jared, "did you get an actual chance to talk?"

"Yeah," he shrugged and left his hand lying palm up on the table. "He's in a play, asked me if I would come and see it... but I think... nah." He swallowed and smiled, lips sealed tight against the urge to say anything else.

"Nah?" Jensen's features remained mask though he knew his eyes flickered with surprise. "So... him and Chris then..." Jensen gestured with his hand, supplying the more that the other two likely were.

Withdrawing his hand Jared started picking at the menu again. His head jerked up once then back down and he nodded a few times. A corner of the menu tore off in Jared's hand and he matched it back up against the paper as though it would magically repair itself.

"I'm sorry Jared," Jensen said softly, reaching across the table once more. This time his fingers settled around Jared's wrist, stroking slowly. "That's an awful way to find out about... someone else," he tried an encouraging smile, fingers squeezing Jared's wrists softly.

Shrugging slightly Jared stared down at the menu and shoved it roughly aside. "Whatever... " his voice was thick with building resentment. "You were right, I should have known - just stupid I guess." He shrugged again and twisted his wrist out of Jensen's grasp. "You don't have to... stick around for the train wreck." Folding his arms across his chest he felt like his eyes were boring a hole through the table. He just didn't want to see pity on Jensen's face.

Pulling his hand back Jensen shrugged and drummed his fingers along the table, glancing at the waitress as she returned with their drinks. When she'd departed once more Jensen tugged the paper off his straw and said softly, "you don't have to assume that I've always got my thumb out for another ride." He smiled up at Jared and stretched his legs out under the table. "You wanna take me to this play? You could show me off as your wicked hot arm candy. We'd make the _world_ jealous," Jensen continued to smell, hoping to see just the slightest flash of amusement in the man's eyes.

"No," Jared blurted out. Finally looking up at Jensen's face he caught the sparkle in his eyes and frowned, then felt his lips twitch up into the slightest smile. "Fuck," he said softly and huffed out a stunned laugh. "My life... has just gone in a whole other direction that I expected it to." His eyes widened as he continued to stare at Jensen. "Do you think we could... stop driving for today? I feel like - well," he laughed hollowly again, "I need to figure out what the _hell_ to do. Or get drunk." He glanced down at his hands, "or both," he added.

"Getting drunk isn't the answer," Jensen informed softly. "Because then we'll probably do something that you'll regret and well... I wouldn't want you to feel even worse tomorrow." Jensen sighed and shook his head, "Jared, what do you have to figure out? Chad's been gone for almost four months right? So what's gonna change? Take some time off to get over the pain, drive the long way home, go sightseeing in New York City if you want but... that's really all that's changing right? So you're single now. And..." Jensen shrugged, gesturing into thin air once more.

"I have to figure out who the _fuck_ I am," he hissed, leaning across the table. "Jensen, I've never been with anyone other than Chad... I wanted him in high school, I got him in college - I planned my _entire_ life around stupid made-up shit that maybe never even existed anywhere other than in my own damn head." Slumping back against the bench he rubbed his eyes, "m'sorry. I just... you don't know me. We just met... and I'm not all that great a guy that I can just sit back and think my life will all magically fall together now I'm s...single." Fear was welling up inside Jared and he hated it. He was _single_. "I... I gotta... can we..." sliding down the bench quickly he fumbled for his wallet and tossed it on the table.”I'll wait in the truck. Take your time," his voice was tight and cold, strained, spread too thin. He spun and headed out to the truck.

As he watched Jared go Jensen sighed. It suddenly hit him just how very different Jared and he were ... but not completely. He'd been just like Jared once. And it took him more than a year to heal from it. Things weren't looking very promising for them that was for sure. Shaking his head Jensen turned to ensure the money on the table would cover their never served meals, drinks and a tip. He headed slowly out of the restaurant and stared at the truck for a while before walking to the driver's side door, leaning against it until Jared rolled his window down. "You're right. I don't know you. Clearly you need some space and stuff and... I'm not the person to comfort you in this situation I guess. What sort of comfort could a complete stranger give anyway?" Jensen thought the words might have sounded a little bitter, if only because he'd shared so much of himself with Jared, more than he had with someone in a long time, and truthfully he was growing a little attached to the guy. "So... maybe you should just head home. To your family and friends. I can find my own way."

Throwing the door open, Jared slid out of the truck in one fluid movement rounding on Jensen. Grabbing the straps on his backpack he slammed him back against the side of the truck and crushed his mouth against the other man's. The momentum, his strength almost lifted Jensen right off the ground. It was far from the best kiss Jared had ever given anyone but probably one of the most significant. He pulled his lips away and leaned his forehead against Jensen's. "Now... you wanna go..." he whispered, "at least I got to do that."   
Jensen swallowed thickly and wet his lips, chasing the taste of Jared lingering along the tingling flesh. "You... think I can leave after that?" He asked softly, lips tilting up in a crooked smile. "You know Jared..." Jensen hummed for a moment, fingers loosely curled in Jared's shirt. "Jared... Jared what? I don't think I ever learned your last name," He chuckled softly, relaxing his finger until they laid flat on the man's chest.

Realizing he was still leaning heavily against Jensen Jared stepped back slightly, blew out a breath and smiled nervously. "Padalecki. Tristan... middle name... twenty-four." He licked his lips, "single." It was a battle not to sink back into Jensen's warmth and glide his lips back across the other man's but a parking lot, and the dirty side of his pick-up wasn't exactly his idea of a perfect place for kissing.

Jensen chuckled softly and slid his hand into Jared's squeezing it with a gentle shake, "nice to meet you Jared Tristan Padalecki." He grinned at him and loosened his grip slightly. "I'm Jensen Ross Ackles. Twenty-eight. Also single and a little quirky." Shifting forward he brushed their lips together once more before detaching himself. "So... where shall we go now?"

"Which Jared do you want to answer? The one who had never done anything unplanned until he drove out of his parking lot less than forty-eight hours ago? Or the one..." his voice disappeared momentarily as the impact of everything started to settled on him, "the one who's just had what felt a hell of a lot like his first _real_ kiss." Looking away Jared focused on rainbow patch on Jensen's jacket.

"Hmm..." Jensen considered the two options and smiled, reaching out to flatten a wrinkle on Jared's shirt. "How about you answer what first comes to mind? After all, both those things are you." Still smiling Jensen reached up to lay two fingers on Jared's jaw and turned his gaze back to him. "If you haven't noticed by now, there's very little I can't handle. So don't worry about being honest or... whatever it is you need or want okay?"

"You have the most amazing eyes." Jared's lips curved into a crooked smile, "did I ever mention that?" Blinking a few times he took hold of Jensen's hand again twining their fingers together. "I'd like to stay here... around here tonight and just let it all sink in."

"I believe you mentioned my eyes the first time we met," Jensen chuckled and squeezed Jared's hand. "Okay, let's go get a motel room and we can chill out. Just talk and watch skanky music videos," he smiled at Jared and stepped back to head around the truck.

" _A_ motel room?" Jared's hand tightened on Jensen's, stopping him in his tracks. "Two beds, yeah?" He nodded, in case Jensen missed the anxiety that flooded through him. "I'm not... I mean... you're..." he shook his head and smiled unable to quite put into words how much he _wanted_ Jensen. His mouth moved soundlessly for a while until he just gave up trying to speak.

"Don't worry Jared, we can get two beds," Jensen smiled in soft understanding, squeezing Jared's hand once more. "Like I said, whatever you need. I'm not expecting us to jump into bed hours after..." he shrugged and dropped his gaze. "I definitely don't want to be a rebound thing. So when you feel... okay... yeah, jumping ahead of the gun. We'll take our time, I don't have anywhere to be," he chuckled and once more slid back, checking to ensure Jared was okay.

Jared's hand drifted up to Jensen's cheek to finally touch the pads of his fingers to the freckles he'd been looking at. "Okay," he mumbled quite enthralled with how smooth and warm Jensen's skin was, "can you drive again?" He held the keys out, stepping closer, sliding between Jensen and the door of his truck.

"Yeah, I can do that," Jensen smiled softly and took the keys, allowing Jared to slide past before stepping toward the driver's side and tugging the door open.


	4. Chapter 4

Jared was feeling quite stunned. Finding out that Chad _was_ seeing someone else was shock enough but hearing him say that this - Chris - was "the one" was so out-of-left-field it was almost hard for Jared to believe. Jensen drove the truck a few miles until they found a Motel that looked clean, new and was far enough back from the road that they might actually be able to sleep. They were quiet but the silence that had descended between them was a comfortable one. Jared made the most of the time in the truck to truly _see_ Jensen instead of trying to steal glances at him out of the corner of his eye. He was a great looking guy but the thing that Jared was most drawn to was the kindness in his eyes. It radiated off of him like heat, he just cared. Soon enough, there was a smile on Jared's face and he turned to look out the window just as they pulled off the road.

The motel room wasn't all that bad, two queen-size beds, a rather old TV, some remarkably bad photographs hung on the walls but it was cool, quiet and theirs for the night. The first thing Jared did was flop face down on one of the beds and groan. Jensen decided to take care of their appetites and scanned through the phone book until he found a pizza place that would deliver. The thirty minutes it took to get the pizza was filled with small talk. Jensen seemed quite aware that Jared was a bit scattered and kind of on an emotional roller coaster. They talked about possible places to visit, Jared's work, where Jensen got his rainbow patch and by the time the delivery guy knocked at the door and Jared yanked the door open he was feeling better, calmer and like he might actually survive the next twenty-four hours.

"Here you go, Sir. Grecco's Pizza. That's kind of ... _Greek_ isn't it?" A puzzled expression flitted across Jared's face as he slid the pizza onto Jensen's bed and dropped down to sit beside the box.

Chuckling Jensen lifted the lid and inhaled deeply, stomach growling, "it's all Greek to me." Jensen caught Jared's eyes and grinned before pulling a piece out for himself and munching on it happily. "So... what do you think the top qualities in a potential boyfriend are," Jensen asked, tipping his pizza at Jared before taking another large bite.

Rolling his eyes Jared couldn't keep the smile off his face. "I feel like I'm at a job interview." He bit off a mouthful of pizza and thought about it. "Okay," he mumbled around his food, swallowed then licked his lips, "creative, thoughtful, fun, a great life, soft hair with curls right at the back of his neck, green eyes that are sort of the colour of that glass you find on the beach." He tried to hide the smile on his face with his slice of pizza, "he should like pizza even if he tends to get sauce... right..." Jared reached out and wiped a drop of sauce off Jensen's chin, "here."

Jensen knew his grin was a little ridiculous but Jared made it easy to smile like that. "Well, sounds like I fit the bill," his free hand shot out to curl around Jared's wrist before he could withdraw, bringing the sauce covered finger up and sucking it between his lips. His tongue flicked out along the flesh before he pulled Jared's hand back and released it, resuming eating his pizza with a barely concealed grin.

Sucking on his bottom lip Jared's hand just hovered in the space between them for a few moments then he smiled and ducked his head down to hide his dazed expression. "You... you just _do_... things..." Yeah, that made him sound pretty slick. "I mean, you just do what you want... how do you do that?"

"Practice," Jensen shrugged and polished off his piece of pizza, reaching out for another. "Maybe I've always been that way but it takes time to feel comfortable just saying and doing whatever. I do hold back you know," he nodded wisely and smiled at Jared. "Otherwise... well I'm sure you can imagine," he chuckled softly and took a large bite of his second slice.

"You do?" Jared found that hard to believe. He didn't get the impression that Jensen held back a single thing.

"Yes, in some circumstance," Jensen nodded and considered the puzzled look on Jared's face. "Last night, case in point," he shrugged and shifted on the mattress to get more comfortable.

"Last night?" Jared wiped the extra pizza sauce off his face and stared down at Jensen. "What did you hold _back_ last night?" He raised an eyebrow and snorted softly.

"Hey that was one intense non-kiss," Jensen pointed out, laughing as well with a soft shake of his head. "And even with that kind of kiss I was holding back. Otherwise you would have been pinned to the bed and well..." Jensen gestured in thin air, soft smile on his lips.

"I don't think you could pin me," Jared scoffed. Rolling his neck back he tried to stretch some of the tension out of his muscles. "It feels like it was a really long day... and it wasn't." He shook his head and closed his eyes.

Jensen nodded, deciding not to argue over who could pin who so he wouldn't be tempted to prove his point. "Yeah... circumstances," he sighed soft and dropped the crust of his pizza into the box. "Want a massage or something? Long hot shower?"

The word _massage_ kind of reverberated through Jared's brain. In some distant part of his mind that still managed to retain the capability of clear thought he realized that meant Jensen's hands. On him. Potentially, on his flesh. Wishing he could be more like Jensen - just take chances - do things that just _felt_ right Jared sighed. Crossing his arms he grabbed the hem of his shirt and pulled it up over his head and threw it to the side. "Okay," he said softly, "massage." Nervous, he bit down on his bottom lip and willed his hands to stop shaking.

For a moment Jensen was caught off guard by Jared's bare chest. The man was freakishly tall and he knew this but he'd previous thought most of his height was in his legs. This clear picture of tanned, nicely shaped flesh counteracted that theory. Swallowing deeply he pushed the pizza box to the side and slid back until he was resting against the headboard, spreading his legs wide and patting the spot between them, "massage it is." He smiled at Jared and resisted the urge to lick his lips in anticipation.

Rubbing at his chest nervously, losing a bit of his bravado, Jared shifted slowly and moved up the bed until he was sitting cross-legged between Jensen's legs. His eyes wrinkled as he smiled at the warmth of Jensen's thighs under his knees. It was nice. Wriggling a little to get comfortable he rested his arms on his thighs. "'kay." He couldn't help sucking in a deep breath and holding it- waiting for Jensen's fingers to settle on his shoulders.

It was definitely another one of _those_ moments and Jensen was really growing to like them. A moment where the world shifted and faded out and it became only the two of them, no one else to upset an unexpected perfection. Jared's skin was warm beneath his fingertips as Jensen curled his hands over tense shoulders. "Relax," he whispered, leaning forward slightly and squeezing the muscle beneath his touch. The heels of his palms circled in small kneading motions across the man's shoulder blades, fingers trailing loosely through shaggy brown hair as he worked from one side to the other.

Jared jumped slightly when Jensen whispered so close behind him then found himself settling back and enjoying the touch. It had been a long time since someone had touched him like that - well, it had been a long time since anyone had touched him. The way Jensen's hands moved over his shoulders was almost hypnotic and Jared let his head fall forward and didn't bother moving his arms when they fell off his own legs on settled comfortably on Jensen's. "Where’d learn how to do this?"

"Tom," Jensen said softly, surprised by the lack of venom he felt saying the name. "Well, actually it was a natural gift I believe but that's when I first discovered I had a skill for it," Jensen's voice was a little deeper than usual, which probably had a lot to do with how close his body was to Jared's and the way the muscles shifted and gave way to his kneading fingers. Prodding slowly down Jared's spine he wet his lips and listened to the gentle hitch of Jared's breath, enjoying the fact that he was affecting the man in some way. "Any particular spots worse than the others?" He asked quietly, curling his fingers in to rub firm circles along the sides of Jared's spine.

Arching his back under the slight movements of Jensen's fingers, Jared moaned softly. "S'good," he mumbled as his fingers stretched out to their full length and then curled into the soft denim of Jensen's jeans. "Spots?" It took an insanely long span of time for Jensen's question to make its way to Jared's brain. "Spots... lower back." Leaning forward slightly Jared let out a long sight, "d'you miss him still?"

Jensen's hands trailed down to Jared's lower back, rubbing his fingers firmly into the muscle as he considered the question. "Sometimes. But not often. And never in the ways you would imagine." His eyes fixed on the patch of skin disappearing into denim, blinking slowly as his fingers itched closer with the massage. "The more time that passed afterward, the more I began to realize how much our relationship was more... extended one night stands. Or me talking about me. He never shared much about himself but I was too blind to see it back then. Hindsight you know?" Jensen's eyes slid along the skin, watching the curve of Jared's neck. The only thing that could make this better would be seeing his facial features as it happened.

"Oh _yeah_ , I'm familiar with that one." Jared leaned back until Jensen's hands moved back up to his shoulders then settled his weight against Jensen's chest. Letting his head fall back onto Jensen's shoulder he breathed quietly, shallow, heart feeling a bit like it was going to explode out of his chest. "This okay?"

It had been quite a long time since Jensen had shared such an intimate moment with someone and his heart was fluttering, pulse racing. "Yeah, very okay," he said softly and curled his fingers along the back of Jared's neck, squeezing softly. "Have you ever been with anyone besides Chad? I know you said he was pretty much your only boyfriend..." Jensen's hands slid back down Jared's neck, down his arms before tucking underneath to lie against his chest, massaging softly along the skin.

Jared forgot to breathe for a few moments then sucked in some air greedily as he shook his head slowly. "N..No, and we never..." his voice felt too thick to move out of his throat, "well, we..." Jared pushed away the many conversations he and Chad had about sex and what _Chad_ would or wouldn't do. "Guess, we didn't see eye-to-eye on what... might be good..." Jared's fingers rubbed the muscles in Jensen's thighs gently, tentatively.

Heat burned through him as Jared's fingers tightened and he shifted, hoping his arousal wasn't too overly obvious to the man. "What did you want? I mean... was it a who's going to bottom issue?" They obviously hadn't discussed sex in any way, shape, or form but Jensen had no problems laying things out there. Another thing he was sure would amuse Jared. To keep him relaxed and in the quiet moment, Jensen slowly circled Jared's belly button with the tip of his finger, dipping in for a moment before massaging right along Jared's waist line.

As Jensen's fingers moved over his stomach Jared's muscles quivered and his spine stretched out slightly. "Mmhmmm," Jared's eyes drifted closed and his hands slid further up Jensen's legs. "Both... wanted..." he shrugged one shoulder half-heartedly. "I had this idea... that someone would..." his voice grew quieter and he turned his head slightly so his lips rested just against Jensen's cheek, "want to fuck me." He swallowed the hurt that still nipped at him as he remembered the sense of rejection. "Chad said," he puffed out a breath, lips touching the corner of Jensen's mouth, "that most guys don't do that." His hips moved slightly, rolling up into Jensen's touch.

The words flared in Jensen's mind and he bit down on his lip, eyes fixed on the way Jared's body moved into his hands. It was unbelievably hot and Jensen was forced to hold back once more, wanting to pull Jared back into his crotch and grind down hard. "He said no one would want to fuck you?" Jensen asked, voice rougher now than before. He gently pressed his fingers into the skin right above Jared's jeans before dipping just barely under the fabric, marvelling at how silky soft Jared's skin was. He was beginning to get this idea that Chad didn't quite understand everything sex related, which meant Jared probably didn't, and that was oddly even more appealing.

Twisting his hips slightly Jared turned quickly and caught Jensen's lips with his, sucking that full, deliciously soft bottom lip into his mouth for a few moments. "Don't," he whispered against Jensen's mouth, "talk about _him_." His hands gripped hard at the denim on Jensen's thighs, tugging it as he twisted himself to the side, leaning against Jensen and letting his hand rest on Jensen's chest. "You wanna talk about... me or what I want... just ask." Wide-eyed and so turned on he could barely think Jared shifted until he was comfortable and tugged Jensen's arm over his waist.

"Alright," Jensen said softly and reached his free hand up to stroke through Jared's hair, lips tracing the lingering taste. "So, what do you want?" He leaned into the heat radiating off Jared, lips ghosting just above skin. "I understand that you've never had sex all the way, and you would prefer too..." Jensen was a little worried one wrong word would end this moment and, despite his earlier comment about not wanting to be a rebound, he trusted Jared to stop him if things reached a breaking point.

"I want someone to fuck me." The words came out easier than he expected, Jensen had that effect on him. "Want someone to want me _that_ much." Tilting his chin up he sucked gently at the first part of Jensen's neck he could reach, fingers moving slowly on the material of his shirt. Pulling his lips back he looked up to watch the blood blossom under Jensen's skin. "Always wanted that, you might not believe this," he murmured, "but I'm shy." His fingers spread out on Jensen's chest and he could feel a nipple through the cotton and teased it briefly with the pad of his finger.

Jensen sucked in a quick breath and let his head fall back slightly, heart fluttering at the touch, skin still tingling from Jared's lips. "At this moment in time... yes... I am having trouble believing you're shy," he smiled, eyes closed as he let Jared's words wash over his senses. Tugging sharply he shifted Jared until the man was straddling his hips, hands curling around his neck and pulling him close enough to flick his tongue out along the curve of his lower lip. "Would you like me to be honest?" He breathed the question into Jared's mouth, fingers sliding up into his hair, parting to let the silky strands fall along his skin.

Jared's nerves sparked to life in his stomach. His mouth fell open as he panted quietly, spine collapsing as he curled forward into Jensen's body. "Mhmmm... honest." Leaning forward he chased Jensen's lips only to have them stay _just_ far enough away. Curling his long fingers over Jensen's hips he tilted his own hips slowly, settling down on Jensen's thighs.

There was a brief spark of something electric as their crotches almost touched and Jensen moaned softly, struggling with his control. "I've wanted to fuck you since last night," he murmured, fingers tightening in Jared's hair. "Probably even before. Maybe from the very moment I saw you. So fucking gorgeous and completely unaware of it," Jensen's head tilted to the side and he gently brushed a kiss along the side of Jared's mouth, down to his jaw, holding the man firmly by his hair to keep him in place.

Jared could feel heat creeping up his chest, neck and settled on his cheeks. "Jensen..." he murmured straining slightly against the other man's grip. His body came alive in an instant, hips rolling forward to press up against Jensen's - a barely audible gasp leaving his lips as he felt how _hard_ Jensen was. His fingers tucked under the hem of Jensen's shirt the heat of his flesh shocking and inviting. "God..." he wanted to move, wanted to get his lips anywhere on Jensen he could but _fuck_ being held like that, _controlled_. He moaned softly, thighs pressing up against Jensen's.

Another moan fell from Jensen's lips as Jared's fingers worked under his shirt, crotches once more coming dangerous close to pressing completely together. "You're like fire," he murmured against Jared's ear before tugging on the man's hair, exposing his neck. Working from just below the ear lobe Jensen dragged his teeth over the flesh, stopping at his collarbone and sucking softly. He didn't move his lips until he was certain Jared would have a faint bruise along his skin. Jensen smirked into Jared's neck as he kissed his way back up, bringing Jared's head down so their foreheads could rest together. "Do you know how it would feel? Me being in you... have you touched yourself there Jared?" He punctuated the words with the gentle brush of lips against Jared's, one hand sliding down from Jared's hair to the gentle curve of his ass, fingers digging into the denim and rocking his hips forward slightly.

"N..ooo." Jared wasn't sure if he even knew what he was answering. Pulses of sensation ran down his body like bursts of warm air, skin alive and tingling. He let his head fall to the side, muscles cording in his neck as he strained to hold still; he was almost afraid of the way it would feel to move any closer, felt _more._ Managing to lift his arms he combed his fingers back through Jensen's hair - moaning - _finally_. He'd wanted to touch those curls, the golden brown tints, so soft, since the moment he'd first seen his hair.

Jensen's head moved back into the touch for a moment, fingers sliding up to trail along the hem of denim and cotton. "Something tells me you'll like it," he almost purred the words, voice vibrating in his chest as he brought Jared's head down toward his, gliding their lips together in slow slides. "Do you like the idea..." Jensen gasped into Jared's mouth; arm curling around his waist and bringing him close into his body, "of me touching you? Making you so full you can feel it everywhere? Feel _me_ everywhere?" To punctuate his words he thrust his tongue forward, circling slowly around Jared's before pulling back.

Each word out of Jensen's mouth slid down Jared's body and settled in his belly, warm and heavy. "I like it," he murmured when he was able to speak, gasping in a lung full of air and tightening his grip on the other man's soft curls. "Jensen..." he mumbled, lips moving in wet sweeps, gently sucking more kisses as he moved down along a firm jaw to Jensen's ear. "I need..." he whispered, "slow..." His mind was a mess of conflicting emotions. Wanting more touch, needing that feeling of being held and still - fear. Sliding his palms around to work the muscles of Jensen's back he smiled; he was strong and the way the man's body moved under his hand was incredible.

"Yeah," Jensen nodded slowly, sucking in a deep breath in attempt to calm himself. "Only... we should stop... then..." The last thing Jensen wanted to do was _stop_ but if they continued down this path he was going to lose his mind. Jensen didn't think he'd ever been so incredibly turned on by a person, which was saying something considering how very little they were actually doing. "Jared..." he moaned as Jared's lips hit a particularly sensitive spot on his neck below his ear. Out of his control his body shifted forward, seeking heat and pressure to relieve the tension building in him.

Just like that, an instant of pressure and awareness of what they were doing shot through Jared's body. Oh, he'd wanted people before... but never like this... never wtih this sense of urgency. It was an urgency that shot his hips forward as his body arched toward Jensen's. Their bodies were flush, stomachs, hips and..." _Fu..ck,_ Jared moaned out. His cock, swollen, hard and aching, straining against the tight fit of his jeans suddenly ground up against the hard line of Jensen's. A shudder ran the length of Jared's body and he fell forward, arms wrapping tight around Jensen's neck.

Another loud moan fell from Jensen's lips as Jared moulded against him. He was gradually losing his will to ensure this didn't go too far. "Jared..." he almost growled the name and pushed back enough to tug his shirt off, wanting to feel the heat of their chests together. The minute the fabric slid from his fingers he tugged Jared back into him, arms wrapping around his shoulders and tangling his hands in his hair. "God I fucking want you," he gasped into Jared's mouth, rolling his hips up into Jared's body for more of that pressure. Need was pulsing through him and Jensen knew if Jared stopped this now was going to need a _really_ cold shower. Or an awkward jack off session in the bathroom.

The heat of Jensen's chest was almost scalding and Jared's breath hitched as he licked his way into the other man's mouth. His nails dug into the flesh that was suddenly _there_ under his palms, pressed up against his body. "You..." he breathed out, husky and raw, "you're so fucking..." He gasped and almost choked, rocking forward hard into Jensen's crotch, kneeling up so he could slide his body back down the other man's. "M'fucking... I..." There were words in his mind, reasons to stop but the way Jensen moved against him; the way his hands covered every inch of Jared's body. It was all driving him insane, pushing him over the edge to a place where he could _hide_ from all the pain of the last few days.   
"Should we..." Jensen sucked in a sharp breath and pulled Jared's body into him, twisting his legs around, shoving hard at Jared until they were both falling onto the mattress, Jensen over his body. "Stop?" He needed Jared to give him so clue because he definitely wasn't going to be stopping of his own accord. Jensen braced himself on his hands on either side of Jared's body, using his new advantage to rock down into the firm line of Jared's cock, moaning. His head dipped down, trailing along every inch of Jared's skin he could reach. Jensen was really beginning to think that he may just have to take Jared and not give him a choice in the matter, seemed like the man wanted it enough anyway.   
_Too much_. _Too soon_. Jared's heart lurched in his chest, conflicting sensations and feelings running rampant within him. His heart was pounding in his ears, drowned out only by sounds of Jensen's breath and the scratching of denim against the motel room quilt. "S..Stop..." he whispered still clinging to Jensen's body to stop him from moving away. "I can't," he murmured, "I can't..." Something felt like it was falling apart inside him, snapping into little pieces. "I... _want_ to - but _God_ this should be more than that. A different... time... I don't know," he murmured it all, lips ghosting across Jensen's ear, one hands still clinging desperately to Jensen's hair.   
Blowing out a slow breath, Jensen's eyes fluttered for a moment before he detached himself and rolled to the side of the bed, arm flopping out off the edge. "It's okay," he said softly, voice tense from the steady pulse of his arousal. "You're right, we should stop." Saying it didn't make the slight sting of rejection any less though and Jensen rubbed his palm into his eyes, firmly repeating all the reasons why Jared was indeed right. They shouldn't rush this, Jensen could be patient, but they'd have to stop allowing themselves to get in these situations because Jensen was going to lose his mind if this happened often.   
Jared fell backwards onto the bed in a heap, chest rising and falling with each breath. "You get it right? I mean," He panted softly for a few moments then rolled over to face Jensen. He really was _beautiful_ to look at. Shaking, lust settled firmly in his body Jared grabbed his hair with both hands. "Fuck... why?" He rolled away again staring up at the ceiling.   
A small snort of laughter fell from Jensen's lips and he shook his head, rolling up to a sitting position and dropping his leg off the side of the mattress. "I need... I'll be back. Just gonna..." Jensen shook his head and pushed up, gesturing toward the door. "I get it though," he said softly as he approached the door frame, leaning his forehead against it. "So... yeah. It's alright," Jensen shrugged and flipped the light on in the bathroom, stepping in to swing the door shut behind him.   
Groaning, Jared slipped his hand under his jeans and palmed his cock. "Jesus _Christ_." It had been _months_ without Chad and their almost non-existent sex-life. Crying. Crying in a parking lot after being forced to hear something he should have already accepted. And Jensen. Jensen - probably the most amazing guy Jared had _ever_ met. All Jared knew about him he had learned from their conversations in the truck, their brief question and answer sessions across diner tables and what he _felt_. Chad's words were still bouncing around inside his head; _I think he might be the one you know?_ Chad had never thought that about Jared in all that time. That's why their relationship had only gone so far, only so much - Jared had _never_ been enough.

Sighing he rolled away from the bathroom door, hand still stroking away the ache. He was so hard it almost hurt - his body still reeling from the heat of Jensen's. _God_ , when he shifted on the bed he could still smell Jensen on him. Moaning softly he stretched one leg back, hand slipping lower.

Jensen splashed two large handfuls of cold water on his face and stared at himself reflected in the bathroom mirror. Heat was still radiating through his system so intensely it was almost unbearable. He couldn't ever remember being affected by somebody as quick and overwhelming as Jared. "Shit..." he breathed, shaking the last little drops of water from his face. If this were any other situation he might of just gotten himself off and been good for awhile but Jensen had never liked doing that outside having a shower and he couldn't just hop into the tub now without any of his things.

What he needed was some time to cool down, allow Jared to think about things, give them both space because when they were in the same room things just tended to _happen_ out of their control. After another deep breath and the decision to head out for a walk, Jensen turned and pulled the bathroom door open. Of course all his plans were blown to shit at the sight of Jared's sprawled out body on the bed, hand shoved down a half open fly, clearly stroking along his flesh. Jensen's breath caught in his throat and he stared, wide eyed, heat returning with a vengeful slam to his gut that nearly made his knees weak. He considered letting Jared know he was there but the option to watch was _so_ tempting so Jensen slid back to lean against the wall, wetting his lips, palm slowly rubbing along the insistent heat pressing against his zipper.

Urgency won out over everything else Jared was wrestling with. He moaned softly once, yanking hard on his zipper and pulling it further down so he could finally get long fingers all the way around his hard shaft. Almost frantic for release he stroked his fiery flesh hard and fast, hips rocking up into his hand as his eyelids closed tight against the remaining daylight. Green eyes flashed in his mind. _God_ , there was just something about Jensen. Gasping out a breath he shifted to arch his spine up off the bed. "Jensen..." he whispered, fingers working his arousal expertly and thumb sweeping over his slit.

Jensen had to clamp down on his bottom lip to keep from moaning out load, the soft whisper of his name just barely penetrating his senses. His eyes locked on the just barely there flash of flesh at the v of Jared's jeans, fingers moving swiftly. Leaning harder against the wall Jensen flicked the button of his pants quickly open, zipper shoved roughly down moments later. Jensen's knees felt weak as his hand slid quickly beneath the cotton of his boxers. The heat shot through him once more as his fingers finally squeezed firmly along his hard flesh, pace matching Jared's instantly. _Fuck_ he wanted to cross the room, shove Jared's pants off and just _take_ him and the thought alone sent Jensen spiralling closer toward the edge of his release.

Breath catching somewhere between his lungs and his swollen lips, Jared threw his free arm up over his head and grabbed onto the edge of the mattress. Twisting his entire body sideways into his fast moving hand, he turned, eyelids fluttering open the first thing he saw was Jensen's body lying hard against the door frame. " _God_ ," he whispered and reached his free hand out toward Jensen beckoning him back to the bed. "Jensen..." he murmured, eyes wide and blazing, "kiss me..." his shoulders pushed back hard into the bed as he stroked himself closer and closer to coming.

It was probably a really stupid idea to cross the room to the man but how was Jensen supposed to resist an image like _that_? It was impossible. "Fuck..." he gasped, stumbling swiftly across the room and dropping hard onto the bed. He half leaned over Jared, fingers still stroking along his cock as his lips slanted over Jared's mouth. It was rough, all tongue and teeth, but it shot sparks through Jensen's body as his hips rocked forward into his hand. Jensen moaned into Jared's mouth, free hand sliding hard into Jared's hair and tightening, pulling him roughly back to rock hard into the kiss.

Jared grabbed onto Jensen's shoulder as he pulled them closer together - _more_. His tongue thrust forward into the other man's mouth and he half gasped - half moaned. Jensen swallowed the sound with the next crushing sweep of his lips and Jared's hips shot up off the bed as he felt his release, hot and heavy fight its way through his body. Fingers gripping the muscles on Jensen's shoulder so hard it would bruise Jared cried out and pushed his entire body sideways slamming his body into Jensen's, cock throbbing wet and thick in his hand.

A shudder coursed through Jensen's shoulders as Jared came apart beneath him and with one more tight squeeze and Jensen was tumbling after. His hips thrust into thin air as his release tensed his muscles, rolling along his veins in waves. Jensen broke their kiss a moment later to gasp before collapsing onto Jared's body, panting heavily through his mouth. "Jared..." he moaned into his mouth, letting their lips brush once more. His muscles already felt more relaxed than they had been in for quite some time and Jensen had to mark this as the _hottest_ kiss ever.

Curling his arm over Jensen and tugging him closer, Jared smiled weakly; body still twitching as the last of the pleasure worked its way through his system. It was a few minutes before he even tried to move again and then it was only to turn his head into Jensen's hair. "S'your fault," he murmured.

Chuckling softly Jensen shook his head, "nope. I was just going out for a walk..." Jensen smiled as his arm curled around Jared's body. "You're the one just... getting off out here. Anyone could have walked in. I just had the privilege." Jensen's hand fell to the bed beside him, wiping along the blanket with a soft sigh.

"A walk?" Jared laughed quietly and nuzzled deeper into Jensen's curls. "A walk my _ass_." Sighing shakily Jared shifted a little and pulled his hand loose from his jeans then reached out for his hastily discarded shirt. Wiping his hand half-heartedly he finally managed a grin. "Wait... who could have walked in? I thought..." he sighed once more, "you were gonna be... well, _busy_ in there." His eyes widened for a moment and his grin faded to a warm smile. "I love the way you smell."

"You often spaz post orgasm?" Jensen asked with a soft smile, face splitting wide a moment later as he laughed. Rolling over slowly Jensen stretched his shoulders in a shrug before doing up his pants and spreading out on the bed. "Best non-sex ever," he stated with a happy sigh.

"M'so not spazzin'," Jared mumbled as he tossed his shirt aside. He rolled over, following Jensen's body and curled up against the other man's side. "That was sex... man bits were involved... kissin'." Yawning, Jared closed his eyes and settled his head on Jensen's upper arm.

"I touched none of your _man bits_ ," Jensen informed with a laugh, wrapping his free arm around Jared and letting his eyes fall closed. "I vote for a nap. You in?"

Nodding silently Jared smiled and pressed in closer. "Jensen?"

"Hmm?" Jensen murmured, stroking along Jared's side slowly.

"D'you snore?" Jared almost managed a smirk against the warm, soft skin of Jensen's shoulder.

Rolling Jared in a half shove Jensen chuckled and shook his head, "no but I talk and kick about. Might even attack you in a good way so be careful." His lips held their smile, eyes still closed, not letting on if he was joking or not.

"I sleep cuddle," Jared muttered and slipped his fingers over Jensen's side and just under his waist band.

"I'm down with sleep cuddles," Jensen nodded and shifted back into the mattress, finding the most comfortable position. "Sleep now."

-=-=-=-

When Jensen woke he was instantly aware of the warm body pressed into his side and he couldn't help smiling. There was nothing quite as good as waking with a smile, waking with a person by his side. Especially knowing the possibilities that came with this particular person. Jensen gently stretched the sleep from his body, careful not to disturb Jared as his eyes flickered open. It was late afternoon, sun barely peeking through the curtains and casting little beams across the tan carpet. Jensen turned slightly to fix his eyes on Jared, smiling at the relaxed features, half parted lips. Reaching out he stroked the side of Jared's face slowly, up through his hair gently, back down to trace the curve of lower lip. Jared was absolutely gorgeous and Jensen was quite content to lay and stare until the man woke up.

Jared's jaw twitched and he shifted toward Jensen's touch. "Is that... you Fred?" He yawned and stretched his arms high up above his head, "wait, was your name... Leon?" He grinned, eyes still closed and rolled slowly toward Jensen and buried his nose in his neck. "Mmmmm, my Jensen." He froze for an instant, realizing what he had said and backed off a bit, "I just... sorry... just kidding... I guess." Blinking his eyes open he bit down gently on his bottom lip.

Jensen's heart fluttered at the words and he rolled in, letting their lips brush together. "You can call me that. Your Jensen. I like it," he smiled into the kiss, deepening it for a moment before pulling back. "Jared... I think there's something you should know," he smiled with the words to tell the man that it was nothing bad, hopefully.

Eyes blinking open again, lids heavy, Jared settled back a bit and locked his eyes on Jensen's. "Hmm?"

"I think my quest as reached its end," he said slowly and extended his hand once more to brush along Jared's jaw. "You’re my _something_."

Jared brought his hand up to his mouth slowly and chewed at the skin beside the nail. Jensen's _something_. "Oooh, Jensen... I dunno... I mean - man, I'm not anyone's. Well, not worth being anyone's _something_ ". Blinking he looked away. His heart clenched tightly, thudding harder against his chest wall. The last time he'd wanted something... that badly... it had been so many kinds of wrong.

Frowning slightly, Jensen considered the words before shaking his head. "You don't know that. After Tom, I felt so dirty and used. Like a cheap trick or something. I never thought I would be worth anyone's time again. What happened took away everything I had built up, it destroyed me. I went on this crazy drinking binge, lost my job, lost a lot of friends and came pretty damn close to losing my family." Jensen sighed softly and reached out to take Jared's hand, threading their fingers together. "So I just gave it all up and went off, began traveling. After awhile the pieces started clicking together once more until I realized it wasn't _me_ that was cheap and dirty. You've had shit luck with your past relationship but I know it couldn't have always been that way. Something in you made those years together worth it right? Those things are there and I can see them now, even if I've only known you for a couple of days. That's a big something." Jensen smiled warmly at Jared, squeezing his hand.

Trying to smile Jared wrapped a curl of Jensen's hair around his hand. "You're sweet... amazing and sweet." _We'll see_ was all he could think. Desperately wanting a change of subject he tugged gently on the curl, "I'm hungry. You hungry?"

It stung a little more than Jensen anticipated, laying his heart on the line in a way he hadn't in years, but Jensen did have a tendency to simply say what he was thinking and it didn't always play out the way he'd like. For now he would take what he could get. "Yeah, I could eat." Uncurling his fingers from Jared's he slid up and pushed up until he was sitting, rolling his neck slowly. "You wanna go somewhere or order something?" He asked, turning over his shoulder to look at Jared.

"We should maybe go out, be around people." He smiled warmly lifting the strand of hair up to brush across his cheek. Less than forty-eight hours and he had _such_ a thing for Jensen's hair. The rest of him too - but he was trying to avoid thinking about that.

Jensen smiled and slid off the bed, pushing up to his feet and sighing softly. "Okay, I better check my voicemails before I go. I usually try to every other day but I forgot yesterday," Jensen chuckled and headed for his bag, digging through for a clean shirt. "What are you in the mood for eating wise?" He glanced back at Jared as he tugged his shirt on before digging in his bag once more for his phone.

"Chinese," Jared said decisively. "I want egg rolls, and those shrimp balls..." he thought for a few moments. "Oh! Ginger beef -do you like ginger beef?" He leaned his head back looking upside down at Jensen, watching him root through his bag.

"I do. Chinese food is one of my favourites," he chuckled softly and finally curled his fingers around his phone, tugging it up and flipping it open. As he waited for it to power on he looked over at Jared and laughed. "You're just adorable," Jensen smiled fondly at him before turning back to his phone as it beeped with the alert of a new message. It didn't seem too weird, since at least one of his family members seemed to call every day or so to check in. They had all thought he was a little insane for going on this venture but, like always, they supported him. Jensen was eternally grateful for that fact.

Lifting the phone to his ear he smiled at Jared once more before balancing the phone in the crook of his shoulder, pressed into his ear as he went back to his bag to find some fresh socks. "Jensen." His mom's half sob of his name on the message instantly caught his attention, shoulders stiffening as he stood up. "Jensen I need you here. You need to come home. It's your father. He had a heart attack, he's in the hospital," the line broke with static and Jensen sucked in a sharp breath, eyes growing wide as the words swirled through him and settled with a harsh sinking in the pit of his stomach. "It's not good Jensen. They're not sure he'll..." she trailed off on another sob but Jensen didn't need her to finish. He understood the implications and tears pricked at his eyes sharply. "Come home. Call me. Please."

The automated voice of a woman came on the line signifying the end of the message and Jensen stood rooted to the spot, shock curling through him. _Heart attack_. His father, one the most important people in his life. And Jensen was halfway across the country. His fingers were curled tightly around the phone, still pressed against his ear as his shoulders began a slight shake.

Tilting his head slightly at Jensen's intake of breath Jared rolled quickly and looked up. "Jensen? The other man's skin was pale, his eyes glassy, and knuckles white as he gripped the phone. "Jensen... you're scaring me..." Jared pushed up off the bed and padded over to Jensen, ducking his head down and curling a hand around his upper arm. "Jen? What is it?"

There was no way Jensen could form the words to explain this to Jared so he simply held his phone out, blinking slowly as he tried to get his mind to catch up with itself. He needed to make plans, call his mom back, and figure out how the hell he could get to California as fast possible.

Blinking rapidly Jared took the phone and listened to the message. "Oh God, Jensen." Ending the call, Jared pressed the phone back into Jensen's hand. "Call your mama. We'll... I'll... we'll get you there." His heart ached for Jensen - to be so far away and hear news like that. "Call her," he nudged gently. His hand moved up to cup Jensen's cheek, thumb brushing softly across freckled skin. "Jen? Look at me."

The words seemed to filter through Jensen's mind, whirling around, trying to make sense. Eventually he looked up, meeting Jared's eyes and blinking slowly once more. "My dad..." he breathed, half stepping into Jared to feel his warmth. "I gotta... I gotta get there. He could..." Jensen's eyes widened impossibly large, blinking away tears along the edges.

Jared closed Jensen's fingers around his phone. " _Call_ your mama." Keeping his voice soft, gently and yet firm he kept his eyes locked with Jensen's. "I will get you there. I can drive you. You call your mama and I'll start packing us up. We can be on the road as soon as you're done."

For a moment Jensen just stared at the phone before lifting it and pressing through the contacts, finding his mother's number and hitting send. He listened to it ring for what felt like _ever_ before she finally answered, "Jensen? Oh thank god I never... where are you? Can you get here? Oh Jensen..."

It was a bit of an overload on top of everything else and Jensen stumbled back to the bed, dropping down hard. "Mom. I'm... I'm in..." the state name was blank in his mind and Jensen shook his head, looking up at Jared for some answer.

"Tennessee," Jared mouthed then moving around the room quickly to pack up the few things they'd pulled out of their bags.

"Tennessee," Jensen supplied, clearing his throat and dropping his gaze. "I can get there. I have a ride already. Jared's going to bring me we'll be there. I won't stop okay? We'll just keep driving." It felt like the world was tilting around him, like someone had taken the snow globe known as his world and turned it upside down, shaking hard. "Mom is he... is... is Dad..."

"He's hooked up to a bunch of machines," she said softly, voice sniffling and slightly rough as if she'd spent a fair amount of time crying. Which Jensen imagined she had and guilt tore through him sharply. "Jared? Who's that?"

"He's..." Jensen glanced up at Jared before looking away once more. "I'll explain when we get there, all that's important now is he's going to be driving me so... do you think he'll still be... I mean... what are they saying?"

The silence that followed did very little to comfort Jensen's nerves and the soft sigh before his mom spoke once more brought a fresh wave of tears to his eyes, "it's not looking good Jensen. Honey, just get here okay? Call when you're close. Leave your phone on."

"I will," Jensen nodded quickly and swiped at his eyes. "I love you Mom. Tell Dad that... okay?"

"Okay honey, I love you too, drive safe okay?" Jensen could hear the worry in her voice, words thick, and Jensen considered asking for one of his siblings but decided against it at the moment.

"We will. Bye." He flipped his phone shut in his hand and shuddered slightly from the weight of _everything_ suddenly pressing down on him. "Jared?" Looking up for the man, his hand extended, throat contracting around a swallow.

"Here," Jared was back to Jensen's side in a matter of seconds. Kneeling at Jensen's feet Jared wrapped his arms around Jensen's trembling frame. "S'okay," he murmured, "just take a few minutes. I'll get you there." _God_ , he didn't know what to do - what to say. Heart breaking near in two at the lost look on Jensen's face Jared just rubbed his hands gently back and forth, soothing. "Hey," he pulled back a little, "I'm your _something_ right? I can do this - get you to your Dad."

Looking up slowly at him Jensen's lips twitched and he nodded, sucking in a quick breath before pushing up into Jared's arms, curling his own arms tight around him. "Thank you," he whispered into Jared's neck, clinging to Jared tighter than he should cling to a man he'd known only two days. It was suddenly more clear to him than ever before, meeting Jared was _fate_. There was no way Jensen would even know what to do if he were on his own when he got that call.

"C'mon," Jared pressed his lips to Jensen's hair, "everything's ready to go. You get in the truck and I'll check us out and we'll be on the road before you know it." Squeezing Jensen's neck one last time Jared stood, tugging Jensen to his feet. "Okay, let's go." Threading his fingers through Jensen's hand he reached behind him and snatched up the handles of both bags and threw them over his shoulder. Pulling Jensen toward the door he squeezed his fingers.

Jensen let the man guide him toward the truck, moving almost on automatic as he climbed into the truck. He watched Jared head toward the main office before staring blankly out into the parking lot. Now that his mind had accepted what was happening, his torrent of emotions was shifting steadily to guilt. It was an entirely selfish thing, being on the road like he was, keeping his phone off simply because he seldom felt strong enough to have discussions with his family about his often insane logic. All of the things Jensen had put his father through and though deep down he knew he wasn't entirely responsible for the man's heart attack, he couldn't help feeling the weight of his actions and how they could have only added to the stress his dad was carrying around.

By the time Jared slid behind the steering wheel Jensen couldn't help sliding across the seat and pressing into his side, breathing deeply through his nose to control himself. "Can we not stop? Unless needed? I'll drive. I just need to get there as soon as possible."

"I'll drive for now. We won't stop unless we have to - if you promise to sleep in the truck when you're tired." Jared smiled slightly, started the truck and slipped his arm over Jensen's shoulder drawing him close. "You'll be no help to your mama if you're exhausted when you get there. Deal?" He slipped the truck into reverse and pulled back then drove forward and headed straight out onto the highway.

"I'll sleep so we can trade off," Jensen nodded, wrapping his arm over Jared's waist and shuddering slightly. "I should be there. I never should have left... only..." Jensen wet his lips and blinking rapidly, tilting his head up to Jared. "Well, there were good things about leaving but god it only stressed him out I'm sure. What if he doesn't make it..." his heart lurched at the thought and he dropped his gaze once more.

Taking his eyes off the road for just a moment Jared kissed Jensen's forehead. "We're gonna get there in time. Your mama's going to tell him you're on you're on your way and he's gonna be so _glad_ to see you." Jared pushed Jensen's head down gently so it was resting against his chest. "This is _not_ your fault, Jensen." Combing his fingers through Jensen's curls Jared kissed his hair softly. "S'not your fault."

Pulling comfort from Jared's touch, Jensen nodded slowly tried to settle into Jared's warmth. "Okay," he said softly, turning his gaze to peer out the window. "Will you talk to me for awhile? Just so I don't have to think..." his hand dropped to Jared's hip, curling around the denim to steady himself.

Drawing in a deep breath Jared smiled slightly and got comfortable, one hand curled over the steering wheel. "There's this crazy story about this guy," he began. "He had all these stupid ideas about what was important and then one day his whole world just turned upside-down." Jared spoke until his throat was rough; Jensen's breathing evened out and the death-grip he had on Jared's jeans finally relaxed. He figured it was over a full twenty-four hours of driving without stops - and he knew they'd have to get out of the truck a few times, if only, for air and the occasional meal. He really needed to get Jensen across the country in one piece and able to help his mama, _and_ himself.

The hours ticked by slowly, the sun set, Jared shifted uncomfortably a few times and eventually had to slip his arm up along the back of the seat because he couldn't feel his fingers anymore. Finally after about five hours of driving he felt Jensen stir and squinted at the dark road, spotted a gas station and pulled in. He let his arm fall heavily on Jensen's shoulder once more and shook him gently. "Jensen? You awake?" Reaching over the steering wheel with the opposite hand he clicked the ignition off, ears ringing in the absence of the engine drone. "Jen?"

Sitting up quickly Jensen's eyes fluttered and he rubbed at them with his palm. "Where are we?" He grumbled roughly, blinking around them at the gas station before turning to Jared. "Have I been asleep long?" Those thoughts and feelings from before surged forward once more and Jensen's lips turned down into a frown of discomfort at the weight.

"Missouri..." Jared yawned and lifted his arm up over Jensen's head shaking it and trying to rub the feeling back into it. "Drove for about five hours." He kept his voice quiet and tried to stretch his legs out a little. "We need to eat something - we didn't eat dinner..."

"Okay," Jensen nodded and slid his way across the seat. "Can... can we get something to go? Do you mind?" Jensen knew he was going to have to do something really great to thank Jared for being so amazing but he couldn't process that right now. "Then I can drive for awhile so you can rest okay?" He tried to smile, the action feeling too forced as he pushed the door open and climbed out, stretching his cramped muscles.

"Yup." Jared half fell out of the truck and tried to straighten his too-tall frame. _God_ , he was going to be a pretzel by the time they arrived in California. Limping around to meet Jensen in front of the truck he couldn't help yawning again and sank against the warm hood, rubbing his eyes. "Whatcha want to eat? I'll get it - need a bathroom break." He reached up and tucked Jensen's hair behind his ear.

Jensen glanced at the gas station store and shrugged, not sure he could manage eating at this point. "Sandwich, whatever. Coffee black please?" He looked up at Jared and pressed into him for a moment before Jared nodded and stepped back. Jensen paced around the front of the truck, stretching his legs as Jared took care of things inside.

Within ten minutes they had refilled the gas tank, gotten food and both had bathroom breaks. Jensen informed Jared he'd eat his food later as he slid behind the steering wheel and once more pulled them out on the road. He had the man check his phone just in case as they took off down the road once more. They didn't talk but it was a comfortable sort of silence and Jensen could feel Jared's sympathy in waves, gaining comfort from his touch. How this man managed to soothe him after so little time knowing each other was beyond him. But Jensen was grateful regardless.

After Jared had finished eating Jensen tugged him across the seat and insisted he stretch out as much as possible in the cab. His hand stroked through Jared's hair slowly as the hours slipped by. Jensen didn't notice Jared falling asleep but he felt relieved knowing he was getting some rest. It was going to be a long drive and Jensen's mind was constantly pulsing for his father but they would get there.


	5. Chapter 5

The drive had seemed impossibly long to Jensen and he'd definitely experienced his fair share of hours on the road. They took turns dozing until they reached the California border and Jensen could no longer get any rest. Instead he called his mom and took over driving so Jared could get some more sleep before they arrived. Jensen's nerves were on edge as they arrived at his hometown, heading for the hospital.

It was as if the building were looming before him as Jensen pulled into the parking lot and he stared up at it. His mother had informed him his dad was still hanging on with little improvement and Jensen was suddenly terrified at the idea of seeing such a strong presence in his life in such a weak state. Glancing down at the sleeping Jared in his lap Jensen sighed and gently shook his shoulder, clearing his throat. "Jared?" If he were honest, Jensen was just as worried about the idea of Jared leaving. He hoped the man would stay but Jensen had already asked so much of him, leaned so heavily on him, and it hardly seemed fair. "We're here," he whispered, throat tight.

Grumbling quietly, Jared turned his face into Jensen's shirt and rubbed at his nose. "'Kay," he sniffed and groaned, "M'up." Bleary eyed he fumbled around on the seat for a minute until he managed to sit up and peer out the window. Bright red and white light shone down from the hospital sign above then. "Oh..." Jared ran his hands through his hair and shifted round to face Jensen. 'Y'goin' in?" He cleared his throat and blinked a few more times, straightening his shirt.

Heart sinking unpleasantly Jensen nodded, staring at the building for a long few minutes before turning to Jared. "Look Jared. I know... I've asked a lot of you in the last day or so and I've pushed limits I probably wouldn't have even with some of my closest friends, favour wise. But... could you come in with me? I just don't... everyone has someone and I..." Jensen slid a hand through his hair and shook his head. "It's okay. Sorry, you're probably really beat... and you don't know my family and it's too much I know..." Jensen shrugged and swallowed thickly around the emotions curling through him.

"I was assuming I would." Jared's fingers slid into Jensen's palm. Strangely enough - it hadn't even occurred to him that Jensen might want to be alone when he went in; he'd figured that they were in this together - that maybe he was helping somehow. "Let's go." Tugging on Jensen's hand quickly he kisses his cheek.

Jensen followed Jared toward the building, holding his hand tightly. He pulled him up short before they could reach the door however, tugging him around and pulling him in close. For just a moment his hand slid up into Jared's hair and brought him down to slide their lips together. "Can you do me a favour?" He whispered into Jared's lips, fingers squeezing into Jared's.

Letting go of Jensen's hand Jared stepped back, "I won't screw up... I'll just tell them I'm your friend." He was used to Chad not wanting people to see them together in case they got the wrong idea.

Blinking in surprise Jensen reached out once more and snatched Jared's hand, tugging him close. "That wasn't at all what I was going to say," Jensen said softly, studying Jared's features. "Do you... are you not comfortable with people knowing about you being gay?"

"Oh... no..." He shook his head slowly. "I'm fine with it... Chad... well, not everyone..." his voice trailed off and he blinked. "Wh..what were you gonna say? Anything I can do..."

Jensen continued to watch him for a few more moments before wetting his lips and looking toward the side. "I've spent most of the last year dealing with one or two people at a time. My family can be a little overwhelming... if I squeeze your hand really tight or give you a pleading look, can you figure out a way to get me out of there? Just for a breather. I don't want to snap at anyone when everything is already so intense," he shrugged softly and looked back at Jared. "And if it's okay... I'd kind of like to introduce you as someone important. I won't say boyfriend if you don't want me too, my family will get the drift."

Nodding quickly Jared's expression softened, "yeah, I can do that for you. Just... yeah, give me a look and I'll get you out for a bit." He smiled through his slight frown, "c'mon, your mama will be worried. She'll be glad to know you got here okay." Twining his fingers with Jensen's he pulled him toward the front door leaning down just as the doors slid open and the bright light from the hospital flooded out over them. "Boyfriend is okay," he murmured.

Quickening his step so he could brush along Jared's side, Jensen glanced at him and half smiled, nodding once. "Boyfriend it is." It was nice to have a pleasant thing to cling to in light of what was to come. They moved across the hall toward the elevators, stepping in. Jensen pressed the button for the third floor where his mom had said they were. He leaned against Jared's side as the elevator slid up, head tilting toward him to bring in a deep lungful of his scent before the doors slid open once more. They'd barely stepped out before Jensen spotted his brother and sister-in-law at the end of the hall. "Are you ready for this?" He asked quietly, glancing at Jared. "Am I ready for this?"

"You're fine," Jared muttered even though he wasn't quite certain he believed that either of them were ready for it. "I'm good." Running and hand through his hair nervously, trying and failing to tuck it behind his ear he smiled down at Jensen.

Josh and Karen were already heading their way as they traveled down the hall and Jensen let go of Jared's hand at the last minute to step in and greet both with a proper hug. It was a sign as to their father's true condition when Josh's arms squeezed him tightly, an almost silent warning that things really weren't good. "Jensen, it's good to see you," the brothers smiled at each other as they parted.

Jensen stepped back to reclaim Jared's hand, tugging him forward, "this is my boyfriend Jared. Jared this is my brother Josh and his wife Karen. Where's Nicole?" Jensen asked curiously, looking around for signs of a baby though he realized how foolish that was.

"We left her with the sitter," Josh informed, glancing at Jensen before sliding his gaze to Jared. "Boyfriend huh? Didn't realize you were seeing someone Jen. It's nice to meet you Jared, thanks for driving my brother here." He offered Jared his hand and a grateful, warm smile.

"Nice to meet you, I've heard a lot about y'all." He smiled and squeezed Jensen's hand lightly. The seemed warm, friendly, and reminded him a little of his own family. With worried eyes he glanced down at Jensen's face; it was drawn and tired.

Karen returned the sentiment before turning toward the soft gasp at the nearby door. Donna Ackles was across the hall in quick strides, gathering Jensen up in a tight hug. Once more Jensen let go of Jared's hand and wrapped his arms around his mother, holding her tightly. "Oh Jensen I'm so glad you got here. I was so worried..." she stroked a hand through his hair and pulled back slightly.

"We drove as fast as we could," Jensen insisted softly and pressed a kiss to her the corner of her lips before stepping back. "Mom this is my boyfriend Jared, Jared this is my mom Donna." Secretly Jensen was gaining a little thrill from saying _boyfriend_ each time he introduced Jared. He clung to every ray of light he could.

Donna turned to Jared with a puzzled expression before smiling and stepping forward to bring him in for a hug, "thank you for driving him here. We really appreciate it, so very much."

Squeezing Jensen's Mom gently Jared smiled as he stepped back. "Anything I can do to help," he looked down briefly and reached out to settle his hand on Jensen's back. It was a hard habit to break, resisting, all the time with Chad he's taught himself not to reach for him. _This_ felt good. Leaning down slightly, slipping his arm around to Jensen's hip he lowered his voice. "You want me to wait here? Or go... get something?" He was a little flustered by meeting everyone and didn't know if Jensen would have changed his mind about keeping him near.

"Stay," Jensen said softly, half turning to him and leaning into his warmth. He could feel his family's eyes on him curiously and knew they had to have about a million questions about Jared since Jensen had not mentioned him at all and the fact that Jensen deemed someone boyfriend worthy after the Tom fiasco was a big deal. "You... don't mind coming in with me do you?" Jensen tried to ask as quietly as possible, feeling like of all the moments, that was the one he would need Jared the most.

"No... that's fine." Jared hooked his finger through Jensen's belt loop and glanced nervously at his Mom before pressing his lips to the other man's temple. "M'good." Slipping his thumb under the hem of Jensen's shirt he brushed the warm skin of his back. "You goin' in now?"

Glancing over at his mom Jensen leaned into Jared's touch and asked softly, "Is it okay to go in now? Where's Mack?"

"She had some things at work to take care of," Josh informed and turned toward the hospital room, wrapping his arm around Karen and leading her forward.

"He's not completely aware... there's quite a few machines okay Jensen?" Donna informed her son gently, touching his arm before turning to head into the room as well.

Jensen stared at the door, stomach churning gas station food unpleasantly. Leaning harder into Jared, Jensen's shoulders shook slightly as he exhaled slowly. "I don't know if I can stand seeing him like that."

"I gotcha," Jared whispered. "You'll go in and see your Dad, let him know you're here. You need to come back out? I’ll get you out." Stepping in behind Jensen he nudged him forward slightly, "s'just your Dad, you know he'll want to know you're here." He pressed his hand flat against the small of Jensen's back.

Feeling less sure of himself than he had in some time, Jensen nodded and let Jared guide him into the room. His mom, brother and Karen stood on the far side of the bed and Jensen stared at the place his mom's hand held his dad's before trailing over his form. The man was indeed hooked up to a wide variety of machines, monitoring his heart, giving him air, pumping medicine into his veins. Jensen was frozen just inside the door, mind numb at the pale, seemingly lifeless skin.

Once more Jared nudged him forward and Jensen slowly crossed the hospital room, hand clenched tightly into Jared's. "Dad..." he whispered, reaching out with his free hand to touch his dad's hand before pulling back. This wasn't his dad. It couldn't be. There was no big grin and giant hug that nearly lifted him off the ground. No jokes about Jensen's supposedly too long hair and tendency to over think his fashion choices. Tears streamed down Jensen's cheeks and he rolled away from the image before him, tucking himself into Jared's chest and burying his face in the soft cotton of his shirt.

Jared's hand curved over the back of Jensen's head and held him against his chest. Wincing, heart hurting for Jensen he turned to Mrs. Ackles. "Ma'am? Have the doctors given you any news?" Jensen's tears were dampening his shirt but he felt him shift slightly, turning to face his mother.

Donna watched the interaction curiously for a moment before sighing softly and rubbing her husband's hand, "sadly there isn't much news. They've treated him with all the medicines they can... it just doesn't seem to be enough. Alan was always a healthy man but he had his indulgences..."

Sliding forward Josh laid his hand on his mother's shoulder and squeezed softly, turning his gaze to Jared and Jensen, "they're only giving him a fifteen percent survival rate at this point... since he's been out so long. The machines are doing most of the work."

Jensen felt numb at hearing the words, turning to face his family. Upon seeing his mother's tears he squeezed Jared's hand before pulling back and walking around the bed to her to hold her close. "He's strong mom... he'll make it through this. You'll see, he's gonna be okay," Jensen insisted softly, hand stroking through his mom's hair.

Jared sucked on his bottom lip for a few moments, eyes moving over the mother and son. "But... I bet if Jensen talks to his Dad - he'll hear him right? I mean, they say that... you know..." Stuffing his hands in his pocket he shuffled back out of the way, leaning against the wall.

"Good idea Jared," Donna smiled softly and broke from Jensen's hug. "Why don't we go get some coffee, I'm sure you boys are tried. Jensen you can have some private time to talk to your dad," she tucked hair behind Jensen's ear before stepping back, eyes lingering on her husband before she turned and stepped toward Jared, gesturing to the door. "Shall we?"

Jensen looked at Jared, small smile on his face as he nodded to let him know it was okay.

Lips twitching into a half smile Jared nodded at Jensen and followed Donna out of the room. He blinked in the bright light of the hallway, eyes aching and tired. Reaching out to touch Donna's shoulder gently Jared smiled at her, "thanks for being so welcoming Ma'am. I know... you don't know me..." He looked down and walked slowly down the hall beside her.

"Well, Jensen trusts you," Donna said softly and returned his smile. "And he doesn't trust easily so that's saying something. Did you two meet on the road?"

"We did, I was traveling up north on some personal business, and he was really supportive. Guess we sorta made a connection real quick." Jared rubbed at the back of his neck, still a bit nervous. He had no idea what kind of people the Ackles' were, maybe the kind who would give him the third degree, or just curious like their son. A smile crept onto the corner of his mouth as he thought of all the questions Jensen had thrown at him already in their short time together.

"Well," Donna's lips thinned out as she thought over the information. "I do hope you're what he's been looking for. It's hard enough having as unique son as Jensen, him being on the road constantly really worries us..." she frowned softly at the _us_. "You're from Texas?" She asked a moment later, smile returning.

Jared nodded, and then glanced at Donna out of the corner of his eye. "How'd ya know?" He tilted his head a little, looking down at her. Jensen got his eyes from his Mama, although they were a slightly darker green.

"Lucky guess," Donna nodded as they came around the corner into the waiting room for families where the coffee pot sat. "I do hope you'll forgive me being over curious but in light of Jensen's don't so good track record, I must check that you are in no way attached, dating or otherwise, to anyone," she glanced up at Jared before pouring herself a cup of coffee.

"No, Ma'am." He shook his head slowly, eyes dropping down for a few moments. "I was in a... well; it was really over months ago. Was hard. Jensen told me about Tom and what happened. You have no reason to believe me but..." he shrugged a shoulder, "I'd never hurt your son." It was something that Jared just knew. He didn't feel like there were a lot of things that he was sure of anymore - but _Jensen_.

For a long time Donna simply stared at Jared, silently studying the truth behind his words. Finally she nodded, "I can already tell he cares for you... having you here with him is a big thing. And I appreciate you providing him the comfort we can't quite get right." She smiled softly and patted Jared's shoulder. "You boys will come stay at the house once..." blinking a few times she dropped her hand and sighed. "Well... you better pour Jensen some coffee; I imagine he'll need it. You know he takes it black?"

Jared laughed softly, "yeah, we've had a lot of coffee in the last twenty-four hours." He moved over to the coffee machine and tried to pour a coffee without his hand shaking too badly. Exhaustion was starting to catch up with him now that the urgency of _getting there_ was gone. Slipping back down the hallway he pushed the door to Mr. Ackles' room open quietly and moved inside.

For the most part Jensen didn't really say much to his dad while everyone was gone. It was unusual for him to be so silent but it was as if he could feel the weight of the moment. Something told Jensen that this would be the last time he'd be alone with his father and his heart was beating in a low, heavy way. So he simply told him how much he loved him, how wonderful he was as a dad, how he would always miss him. When Jared entered he raised red puffy eyes at him and extended a hand to beckon him over. "And Dad, this is my Jared. He's been such a big support for me since I found out... he's that thing you know?" Jensen murmured the words softly and gave Jared a half smile.

Jared leaned down to put the coffee on the table and slid in behind Jensen. "Hello, Sir," he said over Jensen's shoulder, then rested his chin against Jensen's hair. Curling his fingers over Jensen's arm he squeezed gently and whispered, "y'okay?" Of course Jensen wasn't _okay_ , God, Jared could feel the all-too familiar itch of tears behind his own eyes after just having seen Jensen's face. "I mean..."

Leaning back into Jared's body Jensen sighed and let his eyes fall closed. "I'm exhausted," he admitted quietly and pushed around to lay his head on Jared's shoulder. "Jared... I don't think he's going to..." Jensen's shoulders shook slightly at the thought and he wrapped his arms tightly around his boyfriend, head tilting back to look up at Jared. "Just something... something about this... I can feel it. I don't even know if he's _here_ any more," Jensen wet his lips and slowly shook his head.

Folding Jensen into his arms Jared took a deep breath. "I... I don't know what to say." Clasping his hands together behind Jensen's back he closed his eyes. "I guess I think your Dad knows you're here, no matter what, and... your family loves you. Your mama's really glad to see you." In the short time they'd known each other Jared had already learned to trust Jensen's _feelings_. If he felt that something wasn't right...

"I know," Jensen nodded and pulled back slightly, not wanting to turn back to his father on the bed. "Let's go out into the hall. I... I've said what I can to him..." Jensen frowned and forced himself to turn around, reaching out for the cold, clammy hand and squeezing it softly. "Love you dad," he whispered quietly and turned away, taking Jared's hand and letting him lead them out into the hall, reclaiming their coffee on the way.

"Jensen!" Mackenzie practically squeaked his name the moment they stepped out of the room and Jensen just had time to brace himself before arms were being thrown around him. "God it's so good to see you."

Smiling softly Jensen half hugged her with one arm, not wanting to let go off Jared's hand at this moment. "Good to see you too Mack," Jensen murmured into her shoulder, stepping back as she did. "Mackenzie Jared, Jared Mackenzie," he chuckled softly at this, figuring his sister had already learned who Jared was from her expectant gaze.

"Damn, you are hot," Mackenzie stated simply, glancing over at Karen who had likely voiced the comment before. "Much hotter than Tom at least."

"Mackenzie..." Jensen sighed and rolled his eyes, slight smile still on his face.

Blushing almost instantly Jared winced through a tiny smile and stepped in behind Jensen. "Nice to meet you," he murmured, arms sliding around Jensen's shoulders to wrap across his chest. It felt like all he could do. _Touch_ Jensen, keep him going, make sure Jensen knew that he wasn't going anywhere.

"You too," Mackenzie agreed, eyes lingering in him for a moment before she turned back to their mom. "So... is dad any better?"

Jensen had always appreciated his sister's never failing optimism but the stony silence that followed wasn't the answer he knew she was hoping for. They stood together in quiet for sometime before Donna sighed softly and held out her hands, "Josh, Jensen, Mackenzie, come in the room with me."

Squeezing Jared's hand one more Jensen sighed softly and leaned into the man a moment longer before following his family forward into the room.

Karen, who had been left behind as well, turned to Jared and smiled softly, crossing to the chairs against the wall and patting the one beside her. "Probably not the way you'd thought about meeting Jensen's family huh?"

"What?" Jared sat down hard on the chair, "n..no. No it's not..." it was a little surreal that less than two days ago he wouldn't have even thought he _would_ be meeting anyone's family. "They... they seem close, strong together." Slumping down in the chair a little more he leaned his head back against the wall. "Wish I knew what to do..."

"You're doing good, just being here," she insisted and smiled softly at him. "Situations like these... there's really not much that can be said. But being there, for Jensen, that's a good thing. If you're there for him then he can be there for his mom, which is important." She reached out and patted Jared's leg, glancing up as a nurse came down the hall and into the room. Frowning at the door Karen shifted in her seat and reached down for her purse. "How long have you two known each other?" She asked, glancing over at Jared.

Pressing his fingers into his eyes for a moment Jared laughed wryly. "Truth? A few days." One side of his lips twitched up into a smile. "Seriously," he glanced at Karen's slightly startled expression, "we just met on the road. Picked him up hitchhiking and he says..." Shaking his head Jared let it fall back again to rest against the seat, "anyway, he's a great guy."

"Oh," Karen nodded slowly and stared at Jared for a long time. Her eyes lifted once more to the door as the nurse left, walking down the hall and stopping a doctor near the nurses’ station. The frown on her lips deepened until she looked at Jared once more and covered her lips with her fingers. " _Oh_... you're... Jensen has this... oh it's probably best if I don't say anything. But I'm glad you think he's great, he needs someone good to look after him."

"What?" Jared rolled his head toward her, smiling slightly, "what is it?" Great. So he finds a guy who seems like Mr. Perfect all wrapped up in a bow and he's gonna find out that he's a recovering psychopath or something.

"It's this whole, traveling across the country thing," Karen shrugged and gestured toward the air between them. "From the moment he decided to do it, he declared that there was some bigger and better thing out there for him. So he has this idea that he's going to find Mr. Right you know? And he thinks that it's just going to happen and that's that, he'll be with the guy for... forever you know?" Karen glanced at him and smiled. "He's kind of an idealist I suppose. With some pretty quirky ideas. But I know deep down he's still really terrified about being betrayed again."

Jared nodded, "was looking for his _something_ ," he murmured. Straightening up he turned to face Karen. "Look, I don't know if Jensen's right about this whole _quest_ thing - and I don't know if I was ever the destination. What I _do_ know? I've never in my whole life - even in the midst of all this sadness and hurt, felt more complete - more like I was _meant_ to be somewhere." Looking across at the hospital room door Jared sighed. "You'll probably think I'm nuts but..." he shrugged.

"I don't think you're nuts," Karen insisted and smiled softly at Jared. "It's good. Besides, you'll have to be a little nuts, to go with Jensen's occasionally crazy behaviour." Her eyes trailed the doctor entering the room and once more she frowned, pushing up from the chair and walking slowly to the door. After a few minutes she returned, wiping tears from her eyes. "He's probably going to need you now more than ever," she said softly and dropped heavily down into her chair.

Almost on queue the door of the hospital room opened and Jensen stepped out, hand over his mouth, eyes red. He glanced at Karen and nodded toward the hospital room, keeping the door open for her before letting it swing shut. His shoulders shook slightly as he stepped forward, blinking the tears from his eyes.

Jared scrambled up to his feet and was out of the chair quickly then kind of stalled a step away from Jensen. "Jen?" Brow furrowed he ducked his head down trying to get Jensen to look at him, "hey," he whispered and held out his hand.

Jensen stumbled into Jared's arms, burying his head into his chest. "Gotta get out of here. Drive me?" He whispered the words, shoulders shaking even harder as he tried to fight off the tears pushing at his senses.

"Oh... _God_... Okay..." Pulling Jensen against his side Jared moved them down the hall quickly and out the front door. As soon as they were at the truck and it was unlocked Jared had to almost lift Jensen onto the passenger seat. "Jen?" He slipped his hand around Jensen's neck and pressed a kiss to his cheek, "where we goin'? What...?" His heart was racing, they were both exhausted and Jensen was hurting - and Jared had no idea what to do. It was all breaking his heart.

"My parent's... my mom's..." Jensen curled into Jared's body, gesturing toward the road. "Take a left, down to thirty second then right. Jared..." Jensen looked up at him with watery eyes. "He's gone Jared... he's... they pulled the machines and... he just didn't..." gasping softly Jensen curled into Jared once more, trying to keep himself together until they were safely in his parent's house.

"Oooh God," Jared wrapped his arms tightly around Jensen, "ok, I'll get you home" His voice caught in his throat as he pulled away from Jensen and closed the door jogging around to the driver's side of the truck. Trying to keep Jensen's directions in his head Jared drove the speed limit fingers tight on Jensen's forearm. Jensen was stunned, staring out the window, eyes wide, glassy and Jared just wanted to make everything better. He knew no one could. Soon enough they were on what Jared assumed was the right street. "Jensen?" He had to reach up and turned Jensen chin toward him to get an answer. "Jen, I don't know where we're going - are we in the right place?"

Looking around at the houses slowly Jensen nodded and let Jared continue to drive down the street. Eventually he raised his hand and pointed at a large blue house. "That one," his eyes fluttered slightly as they pulled into the driveway and he slid toward the door, wanting to lie down in Jared's arms and just _sleep_ for awhile. He stumbled almost blindly to the front door, dropping down to snatch up a fake rock beside the side step and flip it upside down to pull out a key. He was moments away from simply breaking down and he dropped the rock, glancing over at Jared with wide eyes, key clutched in his fingers.

Jared grabbed the key and tucked Jensen back under his arm, unlocked the door and pushed it open. He knew the feeling of just wanting to be home, get _somewhere_... somewhere away from the pain. He also knew that the pain always came with you. Closing and locking the door he stood there in the dark hallway. "Okay, we're here..." he murmured and pulled Jensen into his arms. "I'm so sorry..." he whispered into Jensen's hair. "What do I... what can I do..."

"Just need you to hold me," Jensen said softly and tugged Jared down the hall, up a flight of stairs and into his old bedroom, incredibly relieved to see his childhood room. He stepped from Jared only long enough to tug off his shoes and pulled off his shirt, throwing it toward the laundry room. "I can't believe he's gone," Jensen turned toward Jared once more, fingers hovering on his waist band. "I just want to sleep. I don't want to think about it anymore... for awhile. Until I have too again," Jensen half shrugged and pushed his jeans down, stumbling toward the bed.

"Okay..." Jared whispered and shed his clothes quickly. Helping Jensen into bed, he pulled the covers up over him and then slid down beside the trembling man. "C'mere," he pulled him into his arms yet again, hand sliding into Jensen's hair and tucking his head under his own chin. "You sleep, I'll be right here, m'not going anywhere." Jensen felt cold, skin cool and clammy and Jared's fingers rubbed over his back in small circles.

Not bothering to try and form another word Jensen simply curled into Jared's body and let his eyes fall closed. He could already feel the weight of exhaustion pulling at him and he let go of his restraints, falling into sleep moments later.

-=-=-=-

They slept for the rest of the afternoon and into the night, neither so much as stirring until the middle of the morning. They were both in need of the rest, if there was any chance of getting through the days that would be coming. Jensen woke, oddly relaxed until he remembered where they were, what was going on, what had just happened. Blinking slowly he turned and found Jared watching him with slightly sad eyes. "Morning," he whispered, shifting forward until he was half laying on Jared's body. It was odd, how feeling so upset and broken could weigh so heavily on him and all Jensen could think was he couldn't get close enough.

"Hi," Jared cleared his throat, mouth dry from so many hours of sleep. Brushing the backs of his fingers across Jensen's cheek he rubbed the sleep out of his own eyes and breathed in. "Karen looked in a while back." When the door had cracked open Jared had just nodded at Karen - feeling a sense of comradery with her. She had slipped away quickly, realizing Jensen was in good hands.

"Been asleep awhile," Jensen said softly, rolling off Jared's body and flopping down onto his back. "My mom must be worried." Truthfully he felt a little hollow at this point and the idea of simply slipping away and driving off into nowhere with Jared sounded really appealing but he knew he couldn't do that. Not at this point. "Guess..." swallowing thickly Jensen pushed up until he was sitting and turned to look at Jared.”How long can you stay... before you have to head home?"

"I'm off work another week and a half; I can find somewhere to stay for a few days. You guys will... well, it's a family time." He couldn't imagine what it would be like if it were his Dad - he knew his family would pull together - find strength from their love for one another. He propped his head up on his hand and looked up at Jensen. "You want me here for a few days? In town I mean?"

Staring at Jared for a long moment Jensen silently considered him before falling forward onto his body. "God Jared don't you get it yet? I want you to stay here with me as long as you will okay?" Jensen buried his head in Jared's neck and breathed in deeply, allowing the rapidly growing familiar smell to calm his nerves.

"Okay, m'sorry... it's just... man..." Jared turned his face into Jensen's hair and smiled, "soo much... so much change. And you... I, you're hurt and I can't make it better and I know that's... that's normal." He gripped Jensen's hair tightly, "I just don't wanna screw this up." Squeezing his eyes shut he pressed his lips together wishing that they'd met in a happier way - just walking down the street somewhere, at a coffee shop or something.

"This must be a lot for you," Jensen said softly, realizing how much pressure he was putting onto Jared just by having him here. "I'm asking so much of you. And you're still probably trying to deal with the whole break up thing... I completely understand if you need to step back, take some time for yourself. After all you're not the crazy one with the weird ideas about _somethings_ and such." Jensen sighed quietly and let his eyes fall closed in silent aggravation at himself.

"Hey!" Jared pushed up so he was sitting too, "I'm here aren't I? My... mess can wait and you're not crazy. And..." He shrugged, "I guess there was no and." Curling his fingers over Jensen's thigh he squeezed gently, "shower?" Shaking his head suddenly he added quickly, "I didn't mean you and me... we were just in the car so long and you need to go spend some time with your mama."

Jensen smiled softly and laid his hand over Jared's, squeezing gently. "Yeah, why don't you shower first, I'll go downstairs and see what's going on, find out if there's anything we can do or... anything," he leaned forward and brushed his lips over Jared's. "Thank you. For being here and everything," he let their foreheads rest together as he pulled in a steadying breath.

Nodding silently Jared pushed up off the bed and dragged his jeans up over slender hips. "Where is it?" He stretched his arms up high over his head and yawned.

Despite everything, or possibly because of it, Jensen found himself properly distracted by the long pull of muscles as Jared's flesh moved. Wetting his lips slowly Jensen climbed out of the bed and walked toward him, laying his palms on Jared's sides and rubbing softly. "Across the hall," he murmured and dipped in to slide his lips along Jared's collarbone, happy to think about something other than the plans and decisions that would need to be made when he went downstairs.

Sighing Jared grabbed a handful of Jensen's hair, pulled him in for a slightly rough kiss then turned and slipped out into the hall to find the bathroom.

For a moment Jensen stood fixed to the spot, blinking a few times before blowing out a slow breath. Turning around he padded over to his dresser and tugged open a drawer, pulling out a shirt and a pair of sweatpants from the last time he'd been by.

Heading down the stairs Jensen scrubbed a hand through his hair looking around for the signs of his family. The smell of coffee was floating around the house, telling Jensen they'd likely been brewing pot after pot for some time now. It was the way of his family, keep the coffee going, gather around the table, relying on each other to pull through the toughest moments. All around him there were signs of his father. The chair he liked to sit in the living room, his pictures on the wall, the smell of his aftershave just beneath the burning brew.

Jensen stopped outside the kitchen, staring down at the hall table where the pad of paper sat beside the phone. There was a message scribbled on it for his mom, written by his dad. A simple _went to the store. back soon. love you._ And Jensen's heart clenched, fingers sliding over the paper slowly.

"He was always so thoughtful," Donna said quietly beside him, arm wrapping slowly around his shoulder.

Smiling softly Jensen nodded, leaning into his mom. "Mom... are you okay?"

"Oh Jensen..." she slid a hand through his hair and frowned, shaking his head slowly. "You know I was married to your father for a long time... it's... you're never prepared to lose..." Donna trailed off and Jensen felt pretty stupid for even asking that question. Of course she wasn't okay.

Turning, Jensen lead her into the kitchen and gently sat her on the chair, pressing a kiss to her temple. "What can I get you?"

"Let me," she insisted but Jensen pushed her back down on the chair.

"Seriously Mom, this is the time when people are supposed to help you," he smiled at her and crossed the kitchen to pull out a few mugs for coffee, knowing Jared would want one too when he came down. "Where is everyone?"

"Mackenzie's getting ready to go. We've got to go by the funeral home..." she frowned and gladly accepted the mug of coffee as Jensen slid it in front of her and dropped into the other chair. "We... seems like the funeral... it's going to be in two days. You'll be here right? You... you don't have to leave yet?"

"I'll be here mom," Jensen insisted quietly and laid his hand on her arm.

Smiling softly at him she nodded and patted his hand with her free hand before claiming her coffee once more. "And will Jared be here as well?"

Jensen could sense the other questions just under the surface and he smiled, head dropping down with a small nod. "Yes. He'll be here as well."

"You're being careful?" She asked quietly, scooping some sugar from the dish on the table into her cup and stirring it slowly.

"Of course," Jensen nodded and glanced toward the counter, considering investigating for some food. "Do you like him?"

"I do, he's very sweet," Donna smiled and brought her coffee to her lips. They were silent for a long moment before she started quietly in on funeral discussions, saying the words slowly as if she wasn't completely comfortable with these foreign words. Jensen frowned, nodding when needed, wishing Jared would hurry up because he could use someone to hold his hand, convince him they'd make it through this.

Jared watched Jensen with his Mama for a few minutes before clearing his throat. "May I come in ..." he gestured to the hallway, "I can wait in the bedroom if y'all would rather be alone." Brushing wet hair off his forehead Jared smiled slightly and tugged his shirt straighter.

"Come on in," Donna smiled and pushed out of her chair, heading toward the coffee pot. "Coffee Jared?" She didn't wait for an answer, simply poured him a cup and set it at the spot beside Jensen on the table. "You take cream?" She pulled the fridge open, rustling around inside.

Jensen smiled softly at Jared and kicked at the free chair, sliding it back for Jared.

Settling down on the chair Jared reached out his hand for Jensen's. It was almost automatic at this point - to twine their fingers together and skid his chair closer to Jensen's. "I do Ma'am and sugar if you have it." Glancing at Jensen he could see the tension in his face and reached up with his free hand - not even thinking anymore about _not_ showing his affection - Jared tucked some stray brown curls behind Jensen's ear and rubbed his knuckles gently on the man's cheek.

Leaning into Jared's touch Jensen sighed softly and squeezed his hand.

"Sugar is here on the table," Donna sat the cream beside Jared's coffee mug, moving back to her seat. "We were just discussing some of the things that need to get down before the funeral. If I give you boys a list would that be alright? With the baby I don't want to lay too much on Karen and Josh must return to work. There's so much to do..." she looked at them both, eyes slightly wide.

Jensen reached out with his free hand and patted his mom's hand reassuringly. "Whatever you need mom, we'll do it." He glanced over at Jared to see his nod before turning back to his mom. "I'm gonna take a quick shower then we'll start figuring things out."

After ensuring Jared was going to be okay with a quick look, Jensen headed up the stairs to take a shower. He understood what his mother was doing, trying to stay busy, keep distracted, and he sympathized with her. Everyone had their own ways of dealing with grief. Jensen could remember when he was eleven and his grandma died. His mom had been so upset and Jensen had watched from outside his parents’ bedroom while his mom cried on his dad's shoulder. Now she didn't have someone's shoulder to lean on and he couldn't even imagine how overwhelming her loss must feel.

Once he'd showered and dressed he headed back downstairs to find Donna cooking omelettes and throwing together the ingredients for a pot roast for dinner. Jared was looking at him with slightly wide eyes and Jensen couldn't help smiling, shrugging softly and stepping forward to offer help.

They passed the rest of the morning eating some breakfast, cooking and cleaning when Donna suddenly decided that nothing was clean enough. Jensen and Jared shared concerned looks as they moved about the living room, lifting and rearranging things. She broke down upon lifting her wedding picture from the mantel to dust off. Jensen was there in a flash to pull her close while Jared moved to clean the glass from the broken picture frame on the ground.

It was one of the hardest things about the entire situation, seeing the moments where panic would flash in his mom's eyes and Jensen could tell everything was catching up with her. Every time she had a real genuine break down Jensen would comfort her as much as possible until she either excused herself or Mackenzie, Josh or Karen took over. Then Jensen would turn to Jared with wide eyes and the man would easily step forward and pull him off to whatever private place they could find.

In those moments they rarely spoke but Jensen was content to rest in Jared's arms and Jared did the only thing he knew how to at this point, which was hold Jensen as close as possible and stroke a large hand through his hair comfortingly. There was an undeniable bond between them and it only grew each time they shared such an intimate thing, comfort without words, gentle kissed, falling asleep in each other’s arms.

The days passed in a blurry haze for Jensen as family from out of state began to arrive and plans were made. There seemed to be an over abundance of various casseroles that would likely never get eaten and Jensen found himself continually passed from one relative to the next, tugging Jared along in tow. He could tell the man was a little overwhelmed by the sheer amount of people he was being introduced too and Jensen took his turn tugging Jared out of the house as often as possible, jumping at the chance to run any errand needed.

Both boys ended up going with Donna and Mackenzie to make the funeral plans which was definitely high on Jensen's list for the worst thing to go through. The funeral planner seemed cold, shut off, and his mom kept bursting into tears as she was asked one question after another about arrangements. In the end Mackenzie took her out to the car and Jensen and Jared were left to pick out the casket and flowers and more things than Jensen realized went into a funeral.

There were times when Jensen found himself alone upstairs, like the morning of the funeral. Jared had been led off by Jensen's cousin who was fairly close to his height and had some extra slacks his boyfriend could borrow. Jensen had slipped into his own nice clothes before walking slowly down the hall to his parent’s room. He thought about all the years when he was younger when he would stop just outside the door frame and watch his dad write at his desk. Or all the Christmases when he and his siblings would run into the room and jump on the bed and both his parents would rise and scoop them up, tickling playfully before chasing them down the stairs to the giant tree and assortment of presents that hadn't been there the night before.

Slowly Jensen crossed the room, trailing his fingers along furniture and picture frames. He could remember the day he kissed Jacob Williams outside the 7-11 and come home shaking, sitting on his Dad's bed and nervously explaining what happened. The man had been so calm and understanding, sitting beside him and pulling him in for a hug as if there wasn't a thing in the world Jensen could do to break them apart. And more recently he could remember waking up from a three day drinking binge on the floor of his parent’s room, his mom had been crying, scared, but his dad remained the strong one, pulling him up and cleaning the vomit off his face and clothes. Putting him back together long enough for Jensen to feel the world steady beneath him.

Tugging the closet open Jensen stared at the hangers of his dad's close on the bar, all neatly pressed and lined up, ready to be worn though they never would be again. At least not by the person they were used too. His heart twisted for his mother, imagining what it must be like for her now to open her closet and see these painful reminders. Only the entire house was a painful reminder so it likely didn't make much of a difference. His fingers drifted along the fabric as the noise level grew downstairs. Jensen knew they'd need to be leaving soon but he delayed it as much as possible, trying to find comfort in the few moments in between well wishers who were obviously trying for the best but it was overwhelming regardless.

Jared glanced into the bedroom as he passed and stopped when he saw Jensen. Stepping into the room quietly, he tugged the pants up. "Think your Dad would have laughed at me?" He spoke quietly as he moved closer, tugging up the pants. They were obviously too big - but Jared guessed it wouldn't matter. He'd cinched his belt tight enough to make sure they wouldn't fall down and left his white shirt untucked. Naturally, Jensen looked good dark dress pants pooling at his ankles because he had no shoes on and an understated pale blue shirt.

Turning toward him Jensen smiled and nodded, "he would most certainly laugh at you. But I think you look great." Reaching out slowly Jensen closed the closet and headed over to Jared. "Everyone about ready to go downstairs? I think we're supposed to ride with my mom in her car so maybe you can drive?" Jensen knew this day was likely to be the worst for his mom and him and Jared had already discussed some of the ways to ensure she always had someone looking after her between them and his siblings.

"Yeah, whatever you need - you know that." Jared stepped in closer and pressed their foreheads together. "Jensen..." It had been a long few days and a crazy roller coaster of emotions and events. "You know - that you and I - that there's still an _us_ after all this? This isn't just me being here because I... don't know how to leave... or... God this is coming out all wrong." Jared shook his head and held his finger up to Jensen's lips when it looked like he might speak. "The thing is... I don't know how the hell we do this, or what will happen, but I think you're right... about the _something_." He huffed out a breath, "I just needed to say that."

Staring up into Jared's eyes Jensen's heart fluttered softly and he smiled against Jared's finger, stepping forward to draw him in for a hug. "I know I'm right. About the _something_." He whispered the words and tilted his head up to brush Jared's lips with his own. "You know Jared... I know we haven't really discussed it but... I was secretly kind of thinking you and I would.... you know that I would go with you... back to Texas." Jensen pulled back and shrugged, looking down at the ground. "Well you should probably finish getting ready, and I should see if they need any help downstairs." He brushed past Jared to head toward the door, not wanting to know if Jared agreed with the idea or not.

Without turning Jared smiled, "yes, I'd like that." He tugged at the pants again and turned to face Jensen where he'd stopped in the doorway. "I'd like to introduce you to my family." Walking forward he hugged Jensen from behind and nosed his way through curls to Jensen's ear. "I'm _very_ glad I met you Jensen Ackles."

Sighing softly Jensen nodded and leaned back into Jared. "And I'm very glad to have met you Jared Padalecki." Turning in Jared's arms he leaned up to once more brush their lips together. "I honestly don't know what I would have done without you these past few days. I owe you a really big... cookie." Jensen smiled brightly at him and leaned in for a deeper kiss.

There hadn't been a lot of time for kisses. Understandably, the week had been crazy. They fell into bed early or late - exhausted no matter when they went. They were nearly always around Jensen's family which was good - but Jared missed their solitary moments already. This kiss, the movement of Jensen's full lips against his spoke of so much that was yet to come for them. Jared found himself leaning forward, tongue sliding across Jensen's briefly before pulling back. Breaking the kiss slowly Jared sighed happily. "Okay... c'mon," he rubbed his nose against Jensen's.

"Okay," Jensen nodded and allowed Jared to pull him out of the room. "For the record, you're the best boyfriend ever," he smiled at Jared as he turned back to him. "I'm very much going to have to keep you."


	6. Chapter 6

By the time the funeral and everything after had finished, Jensen was past the point of emotionally drained. His fingers ached slightly from clenching so tightly to Jared's hand and his eyes burned from too many tears. His face ached from forcing smiles for family members and friends and if he had to inhale one more lungful of too much perfume there was a pretty good chance he was going to explode. So when he saw his chance to pull Jared away from the madness he took it. People were still milling about, telling stories of his dad, eating too much homemade food and Jensen eyed Jared across the room talking to Josh for a long moment before breaking away from his two great Aunt's who'd been fussing over his hair.

"I need you," he whispered into Jared's ear, coming up behind him and wrapping an arm around his waist. His fingers slid along Jared's waist line for a moment before he pulled back and caught Jared's hand, smiling at Josh. "You'll have to excuse us," Jensen informed his brother before pulling Jared away, offering no other explanation for their disappearance. It had been days of heartache and crying and disbelieving shock over losing someone so important and Jensen simply needed to feel something different than that for awhile.

The moment they stepped into his room he spun Jared around and pushed him into the door, leaning heavily into his body and slanting their lips together. He kissed Jared roughly, tongue thrusting forward, hands curling up into Jared's hair and tightening as his body surged forward. There was a hole in Jensen that he knew would always be there, would simply grow more comfortable with time. Jensen wanted that hollow feeling to be gone for awhile though and he couldn't imagine anyone better to give it to him that than Jared.

Back thudding heavily back against the door Jared's breath rushed out of his body as his hands grabbed onto Jensen's hips, fingers digging _hard_ into the soft flesh below the sharp bone. "Jen," he whispered between kisses, "sen..." Moaning softly Jared traced the outline of Jensen's lips with the tip of his tongue, tasting coffee and something sweet. Fingers curling hard into flesh he gasped in some air and rolled his hips forward, knees buckling slightly.

Jensen's fingers dropped from Jared's hair, sliding down his chest and shoving roughly at his shirt. He pulled the hem of the shirt up from where it was tucked into the waistline and worked quickly along the buttons, giving up on the last four and tearing them apart until the buttons snapped and shot across the room. His lips moved desperately against Jared's, body rocking forward into his warmth. "Shit..." Jensen gasped as he broke the kiss, tugging Jared away from the wall by his tie, pulling it loose as they stumbled forward a few steps. Once more tugging sharply on Jared's tie he brought their lips together as the fabric slid free and fell to the floor. Jensen's fingers shoved roughly under Jared's suit jacket, pushing it hard off his shoulders and letting it fall to the floor, dress shirt following moments later. "Too many clothes," Jensen half growled into Jared's mouth as he once more broke the kiss to tug Jared's undershirt up and over his head, lips instantly attaching to Jared's pulse along his neck.

It was rough, urgent, desperate and Jared wasn't sure how quiet he could manage to remain. Groaning he realized through the haze of heat and passion that Jensen was still wearing his clothes. Long fingers moved clumsily to Jensen's shirt buttons, tugging them open gently until he could shove Jensen back and yank the shirt up over his head. Fingers splayed wide he dragged his hand down Jensen's chest, swearing he could feel the man's heart battering against his chest wall. "Jen…" he murmured right before sinking back in for another kiss so mind-blowingly hot that he thought he might come before they even moved away from the doorway. Wave after wave of want poured off Jensen and his face was gorgeous, flushed, eyes wide and dark. "F..amily," Jared murmured as he tried to stifle a moan. Reaching around he grabbed Jensen's ass firmly and slammed him forward into his hips and nearly slid down to the floor as lust blew through his body like a storm.

"Don't care," Jensen insisted and curled his fingers under Jared's waistline, tugging sharply at the belt and pulling it off. "They're noisy down there... won't hear," he murmured into Jared's lips and barely shoved at Jared's pants before they slid off his hips. Despite the heat coursing through him Jensen pulled back from the kiss and laughed, looking down were Jared's pants pooled above his shoes. "You wanna get those off or you need help with that as well?" Jensen asked, voice deep as he stepped further back from Jared, sliding across the room and kicking his own shoes off. He watched Jared with dark, lust hazed eyes, slowly wetting his kiss swollen lips.

Stumbling slightly Jared toed off his shoes and stepped easily out of his pants. Dazed he took a few quick steps forward almost falling into Jensen's body. "Want you," he murmured, licking his tingling lips and leaning down to suck on a patch of skin just under Jensen's jaw. Chests pressed together, the heat was good, strong and Jared could feel his aching shaft straining against the soft cotton of his boxers. Latching on he sucked hard on the skin, knowing it would mark Jensen's neck and finding the very idea of that sent shivers of pleasure down his own flesh. Pulling back finally he watched the colour bloom on the surface of Jensen's skin then dragged his tongue up Jensen's neck, down along his strong jaw line and sucked softly on his bottom lip. His fingers moved deftly to unfasten Jensen's pants and slide them down over his hips.

A thick moan worked its way through Jensen's body, hips curling up into Jared's touch. "Jared..." he gasped as the man's hand brushed just slightly over the hard heat pulsing through him. His body was thrumming with _need_ and every spot Jared touched burned through him. Wetting his lips once more Jensen slipped his fingers beneath the back of Jared's boxers, curling along his ass and squeezing hard. "What... what are you..." he moaned the words and let his hands slid around the front of his body, fingers grazing along the hard line of Jared's cock slowly. Twisting his wrist Jensen curled his fingers around Jared's cock and squeezed, sliding up slowly. "What are you okay with?" He finally managed to finish the words, wanting to throw Jared back on the bed and drive him hard down into the mattress.

The only answer that Jared could manage to get out was a long, low, moan; the heat of Jensen's fingers on his shaft made his eyes eyelids flutter closed as his head fell back. Grinding his hips forward and into Jensen's - his hands moved everywhere on Jensen's body. He gripped the muscles in his boyfriend's arms, smoothing his fingers over the curves of Jensen's chest and ran his fingers around the waistband of his boxers. Tugging, pulling Jensen he edged them toward the bed, dropping his head to slam his lips into Jensen's once more, tongues twisting and sliding, breath coming in small pants. Tearing his mouth away for the briefest of moments Jared's eyes locked with Jensen's, staring into the glassy dark orbs. "I... whatever you want... want you." His voice was thick and the words were hard to get out because he didn’t want his lips anywhere other than slick and hot and pressed against Jensen's.

Jensen shoved Jared's boxers down on the ground, waiting for him to step out of them before shoving him roughly back. His eyes traveled down the full length of Jared's body, taking in his swollen flesh. The need to _taste_ him was suddenly overwhelming and Jensen let his eyes lift as his own boxers fell to the floor and his lips tilted up in a slight smirk. "And..." Jensen slid their bodies together for a moment, lips gliding along Jared's neck as his fingers curled around his hipbones. "If I said..." the words were a slight pant, body humming with the constant arousal. Stepping back slightly he shoved at Jared's body, watching the man fall back on the bed. Jared's body slid back as Jensen crawled over him, lips ghosting along his skin in slow glides. "I wanna fuck you," he moaned the words, crawling between Jared's spread legs and nuzzling along his thighs with the soft turn of his lips, eyes lifting to watch Jared's features. Crawling up the rest of the way Jared's body Jensen caught his lower lip between his teeth as he rocked their hips together, moaning as his head dipped down. "Do you want me to fuck you Jared?" Jensen murmured into his ear, sucking his earlobe into his lips.

Barely able to breathe let alone think Jared's body was on fire. Everywhere Jensen's lips touched, everywhere the other man's hot flesh slid left him tingling, over-stimulated, _hot_. "Do I..." the words sank into his brain like heated stakes, jolting his hips forward. Hot breath on his ear sent heat sliding down Jared's neck, "Jesus _Christ_ he gasped. "J..Jensen" His palms slid down over the sweat damp curve of the small of Jensen's back and grabbed hard onto his ass. "Yes, God... yes... please...." Arching his hips up off the bed, Jared flung his arms out to the side and moaned softly. Gripping on to the edge of the mattress he pulled himself up further onto the bed. "I... I can't... God..." he moaned loudly as his body moved under Jensen's... "quiet...can't be quiet..." he blurted out.

The way Jared responded to him was more intense than Jensen anticipated and he covered his mouth over Jared's, swallowing his moan into his mouth as their bodies slid together. After a moment he crawled back off the bed and moved across the room, digging in his drawer until he found a bottle of lube. A small smirk played across his lips as he hit the CD player on. It wouldn't do much as far as drowning out all the noises but it _was_ pretty loud downstairs and the extra noise wouldn't hurt. "I'll just have to make sure I catch most of your moans," Jensen said softly as he crawled back on the bed, tossing the bottle of lube to the side of Jared and rubbing his palms along his calves as he slid up his body. "God I can't even tell you how bad I want you," Jensen murmured, nuzzling his nose into the base of Jared's cock before dipping down enough to flick his tongue over Jared's balls.

Jared's heart thudded once extra hard then lurched back into its steady thumping rhythm. Wet heat on his balls was _much hotter_ than he'd imagined. Through the crazy haze of lust and sex he realized that this was truly what it was like to be _wanted_. His fingers tangled in Jensen's hair, pulling, nails digging into the soft flesh covering Jensen's shoulders. Growling softly, pushing up with his hips as his cock ached and twitched against soft touches he muttered, "come... on..."

"Impatient Jared?" Jensen murmured softly against the heated flesh, small smile on his lips as they grazed over Jared's skin. Reaching out he claimed the discarded bottle of lube to the side of his boyfriend's body, tongue spearing along the flesh as his fingers popped the cap open. He knew this was going to be a whole new level of experience for Jared and even for himself, since Jensen had only topped a few times before. And this was _Jared_. Shifting up, Jensen spread lube along his fingers slowly before crawling to the side of Jared's body, hooking a leg over his boyfriend's to keep them spread wide and shifting up so their lips could brush together. He stared down into Jared's face as the tip of his index finger circled the puckered hole, harsh pants leaving both men’s bodies as he pressed forward to one knuckle and dipped in to crash their lips together once more.

The sound that built up in Jared's body at the intrusion, the burn and ache then the strangest feeling of being stretched all came out as one long moan that Jensen lapped up like he could taste it. A shudder started somewhere in Jared's hips and vibrated up his body, quivering and sliding its way over muscles and flesh alike. "You're lips are so... fucking..." Jared's lips sucked together to trail kisses along Jensen's cheek then across his mouth, "God..." he murmured wetly. His fingers danced over Jensen's hip, landing on his cock in moments and curling around the taut skin. Palming the warm flesh Jared gasped shifting his hips and rocking himself down hard onto Jensen's finger.

Moaning and arching up into Jared's touch, lips catching Jared's once more as his finger slid the rest of the way in. It was impossibly tight and the heat was enough to send Jensen's mind slamming hard into overdrive. He couldn't imagine wanting someone anyone more than he wanted Jared at this moment in time. "Jared... you..." he murmured into his lips, flicking his tongue along the silky skin. Jensen twisted his wrist slowly, testing the pressure pushing down into Jared, "you like this?" He asked, question rough. He wanted to hear Jared say it, wanted to hear Jared say a lot of things that would make him sound both desperate and needy, all the things Jensen knew they both were at that moment. Jensen bent his finger slightly to stretch the muscle even more, hips rocking forward into Jared's palm.

"Yesss," Jared's voice was soft and he whispered against Jensen's ear tongue darting to chase the words along the flesh. He stroked his fingers up and down Jensen's swollen flesh, teeth grating along the man's collar bone to sink hard into the fleshy part of his shoulder. "God... please..." he mumbled, licking and sucking on flesh so hot it felt almost like it might burn his tongue. Mouth opening wordlessly as Jensen's finger moved within him, Jared let his head fall back onto the mattress, "more..."

Every stroke Jared made along his flesh only drove him that much more insane and Jensen pulled his finger back to add a second to the mix, pushing just the tips in once more. "Relax as much as you can," he said softly, eyes lifting to stare down into the lust haze that was Jared's features. "God you're so fucking stunning," he murmured, dropping kisses along every inch of Jared's face in a slow slide. "I'm so very lucky to have you in my life," he whispered the words and his racing heart clenched. Every part of his body was racing the steady theme of desperate need along with the surprising growing surge of something so close to love Jensen was almost scared to name it in fear that _love_ would be the only thing he could find.

"Relax??" Jared almost squeaked then found himself laughing low and gravelly. "I've never... been so worked up.." he growled out as his fingers tightened around Jensen's cock, "in my entire li..." and then another finger slid into his tight hole and Jared's head snapped back. One hand slammed down hard into the bed and his fist closed around a hand full of sheets and quilt as the slow burn ignited, flared then settled back again into pleasure. Moan after moan skittered across his wet lips and Jared no longer cared if anyone heard him as long as _Jensen_ did.

A soft chuckle fell from Jensen's lips, trailing off into a moan as his body jerked forward into Jared's touch. "Shit Jared... I fucking need you," Jensen groaned and slid both fingers the rest of the way forward with another forward thrust of his hips. His legs around Jared's tightened, body straining forward for as much friction and heat as possible. His fingers stretched inside Jared in scissoring motions, steady and sure, and once he was certain Jared had grown accustomed to this new pull at his muscles, Jensen pulled back to add a third. His teeth clamped down on his lower lip hard as he gently shoved all three fingers all the way in, spreading Jared wide and catching any noise he could make at the intrusion with his mouth slanting over the man's.

Crying out into Jensen's mouth as the pain swept through him again. It was a good pain, morphing quickly into something different, something that made his hips snap forward then back and his hand continued to work Jensen's cock. Feeling full like this, stretched out - opened up - just for his man, it was good and _hot_ and Jared's free hand moved back to Jensen's hair and yanked him hard forward into his mouth. Thrusting his tongue past Jensen's lips, sweeping it across the roof of his mouth, Jared could hear whimpering, soft keening sounds and vaguely registered it must be coming from him. Lips separating so they could both heave in some air, they panted softly for a few moments, "fuck me...” Jared whispered, lips painting every word onto the smooth swollen flesh of Jensen's mouth.

" _Jesus_ ," Jensen gasped into the kissed and thrust his fingers hard into Jared several times as his body reeled. Hearing him say _that_ was almost enough to send Jensen spiraling over the edge long before he wanted. He detached himself from Jared and slid back, panting heavily as his eyes roamed the spread, flushed figure before him. Moaning at the sight Jensen fumbled forward for the bottle once more, hastily popping the lid and slicking himself. Jared was already curling his legs up and Jensen slid easily between, using one hand to lift Jared's hips and tug him forward. Jensen's eyes shot up to Jared's as he lined himself up and gently rubbed his aching cock along the red puckered entrance. Rolling his lips together Jensen pushed forward, breaking the tight seal of flesh and gasping as Jared's body sucked just the tip of him inside and clenched tightly.

It hurt more than Jared had expected and felt _way_ better than he'd ever wanted to imagine and the fact that he felt both things at the same time nearly blew his mind and certainly made his cock jerk and leak where it lay on his belly. Instinct pushed his hips up drawing his lover deeper, further into him and he moaned again then slammed his forearm across his mouth to trap the noise. Running the fingers of his free hand around to the back of Jensen's neck he'd never been more thankful for his long arms. Moaning into his arm he shifted, pulling his arm away and whispering gruffly, "want... you in me..." he gasped out a breath of air, "all the way..." Slamming his hands onto the mattress his pushed his hips down and twisted to the side.

"So..." Jensen moaned the word as Jared's movements pulled him deeper inside. "Impatient..." he growled this word and slammed the rest of the way in with enough force to leave Jared speechless. Jensen was consumed with heat and pressure, tight muscles clenching hard around his cock and fixing him to that spot. Falling over the man's body Jensen panted softly before bringing their lips together for another deep kiss. His tongue slid in small circles inside Jared's mouth until his lover sucked it in the rest of the way. Jensen rolled his hips slightly, testing the pressure and the affect it would have on Jared. The world around him felt dizzy and light and Jensen marveled that his orgasm hadn't been pulled from him by the tight clench of Jared's muscles alone. "Can I... move?" He asked between brushes of lips.

The words barely registered in Jared's mind and when they did his only answer was to roll his hips up then slam them back down. Everything was a blur of burning pain and the heat of his already budding orgasm, his hands - _hands_ digging into the flesh of Jensen's ass and slamming their hips together. He'd never wanted anything more, the feeling of being so full was nudging away at his orgasm as the heat of his desire just sent wave after wave of sensation through his body.

Pulling back Jensen could feel Jared's hands slide along his flesh, returning to their original position as he thrust forward. The same need from before that had caused him to drag Jared up here flared to life once more and Jensen pulled all the way out only to slam forcefully back in. His heart raced with the movements that didn't stop. It was a continuous slide back and rough thrust forward. Jensen's thighs began to quiver with the movement, body tingling with the uprising of his release. "Jared..." he moaned his lover's name and matched a hard slam forward with the dip of his lip, capturing Jared's answering moan in his mouth. Their bodies slid up the bed with the movements and Jensen drew back, nails digging hard into Jared's flesh with another quick slam in.

It was bruising, desperate and Jared's hands slid up his lover's back to slide around the back of his neck and grab onto those soft curls. "Jen..." his breath hitched in his chest, "sen." He felt like he'd been seconds from his orgasm since the moment Jensen had slammed him against the door - and now - well, _now_ the fire that swirled in his belly and shot up his spine was stealing the breath right out of his lungs. The way Jensen held on to him - like Jared was the only thing keeping him anchored to the ground - it defied description. Jared's hand drifted forward to smooth along Jensen's cheek, thumb dipping between those perfect, full lips. "Mmm... so close..." Each thrust jarred his body, shocking him in and out of the daze of lust that had fallen over him.

Feeling just as close to his release as Jared said he was, Jensen could only moan softly in response. Each drive forward into his lover sent his body spiraling with a heat unmatched. Their lips gently brushed as his hips moved in a steady motion deep within him. Feeling himself so close to the edge Jensen shoved a hand roughly between them, curling his fingers around Jared's cock and stroking in time with his thrusts. He steadily twisted his wrist, pushing Jared further to the edge. "Jared..." he moaned once more, the name being the only word on his lips. Jensen's shoulders shook as he lost hold on himself and his eyes fluttered closed, as his muscles tensed. He thrust his hips hard into Jared with the force of his orgasm tearing through him.

His orgasm - release - _fuck_. It blew apart within Jared's body and he cried out then yanked Jensen down to kiss the sound away. Every inch of his body throbbed and pulsed as he came. His come shot up his body between them, hot and slick, the muscles in his ass clenching so hard around Jensen's cock it almost hurt. Their lips moved constantly, so wet, the heat burning the memory into Jared's brain. Every movement sent waves of pleasure through him - his teeth clamped down on Jensen's bottom lip as his body curled up, muscles jerking him forward into his lover's body until he finally collapsed back down onto the bed still clinging to Jensen.

Jensen thought they may have kissed for hours, lips constantly sliding together with the whisper of tongues. Jensen's hands slid along the blanket before gently threading through Jared's hair, hips rocking ever so slightly as his body hummed with the remnants of his release. Jensen's heart was slowly returning when the broke the kiss with a soft moan, resting his forehead against Jared's. "That was... fucking amazing..." he murmured, letting their noses brush together.

"Oooh God," Jared murmured, kissing the corner of Jensen's mouth gently. He couldn't let go, loved the feel of Jensen's weight pressing him down, heavy and warm into the bed. Moaning softly when Jensen pulled out of him he pressed his face against the sweat damp flesh of Jensen's neck. Clearing his throat he tried to get his voice back, "is it…" His eyelids fluttered open and he turned into Jensen's ear to whisper, "is it always that... amazing?"

Smiling softly Jensen stroked Jared's hair, humming quietly. "It should be... if you're with the right person," he knew the words were pretty close to sappy but he figured by this point Jared had to expect it. "You know just how to blow my mind," Jensen whispered, resting his weight on Jared and smiling.

"S'good thing right?" He slid his hands down Jensen's back, rubbing the muscles gently. "Want you... to come home with me." Leaning back so he could look at his lover's face he stared intently into Jensen's eyes. "Soon..."

"Yeah," Jensen nodded, fingers sliding down to cup along Jared's jaw, thumb sliding along the skin. "We'll need a few days to drive home, so we'll leave soon. I... when we get there... will I be staying with you?" He met Jared's gaze, letting him see just how nervous he was about their possibilities.

"Yeah," Jared's nose wrinkled as he smiled, "goof." He laughed softly and growled playfully as he bit down on Jensen's shoulder. "Mine now," he mumbled as he shifted back on the mattress and stretched his body out to its full height. He loved the way Jensen felt - lying there spread over him. Humming softly he yawned and looked down at the other man, "you stay with me... you want to get a place of your own that's up to you... but I'm pretty okay... about you _not_ doing that."

"Good, nothing worse than apartment searching," Jensen chuckled and shook his head, rubbing his hands along Jared's skin. "Suppose I can find a job, though probably not the lawyer thing though... that's so draining. Maybe I can find a smaller practice, not such big cases..." Jensen mind shot off in a million directions, thinking of the path spread before them. "I'm excited about meeting your family though... seeing as the last they knew you were dating someone else, could be interesting," he chuckled and shifted just slightly off Jared's body, settling into his side.

"Will you go to shows with me?" Jared tucked Jensen's head under his chin. "Can I hold your hand in public?" He smiled - feeling like his world was sort of opening up in front of him.

Chuckling softly Jensen reached out for the edge of the blanket and wiped at the cooling come on Jared's body, making a mental note to wash the sheets before the left so he didn't shock his mother _too_ much. "Yes and as far as public goes, you can hold my hand, hug me, and kiss me, whatever you please. I have no qualms about PDAs to a tasteful extent of course," he pressed a kiss to Jared's chest and sighed happily.

Jared's phone rang and he jumped - arm whipping out to the night table to grab it. It was habit - the past days with things being so crazy for everyone it was automatic to answer the phone no matter what. "Yup," he said as the phone made it to his ear where Jensen was laying.

"Jared?" Chad huffed into the phone. "It's Chad, where the hell have you been? Your mom called me and she said you haven't answered the phone in days what's going on?"

Jensen could hear the urgent tone on the line and he looked up at the word _Chad_. His eyes widened slightly and he shifted, hand stilling on Jared's chest as he watched his features.

Just in case he thought about moving, Jared tightened his hold on Jensen's shoulders. "I _have_ been answering my phone Chad. Just been screening my calls. You need something?" Jared turned and pressed his lips to Jensen's forehead.

Chad sighed into the line, eye roll clear through his words, "I'm just _checking_ on you. I was worried and your mom was. Where are you?"

Circling his fingers around Jared's nipple Jensen couldn't help the mischievous smile on his face, dipping down to kiss the tanned chest beneath him. "Make him go away," he murmured softly.

Though it hadn't been intended for Chad to hear, the man did and choked on whatever liquid he was drinking, "are you _with_ someone?"

Laughing softly, Jared tried to hold the phone away from his mouth. "Shh," he grinned down at Jensen even as his body arched up into his lover's mouth. "Mmmmm I am. With my... boyfriend. I..." He sighed and reached down to hook his fingers under Jensen's chin and raise his head, "I think he's the one, Chad. He's my _something_ you know?"

An odd silence filled the line and Jensen looked up once more, smile on his face as he slid forward to press his lips into the corner of Jared's mouth. "I... okay. Well, how you managed to find a new boyfriend so fast is beyond me. Not that... I mean I get the _how_ but you're not even in Texas. But... I'm... it's good to hear you're happy. Who is he?"

Jensen rolled his eyes, thinking Jared didn't owe Chad any sort of explanation. That and the man clearly didn't have a firm grasp on thinking about what he was saying before he actually said it.

"I didn't find him, we found each other." Jared grinned and shifted the phone to his other hand so he could twine his fingers through Jensen's where they were resting on his chest. "Chad? It's kind of a bad time to be talking - I've just had the _best_ sex of my life," it wasn't a lie after all, "and I really just want to..." He blew out a breath as his eyes moved over Jensen's face then cleared his throat. "Anyway... you know I'm okay - so I'll see y'around yeah?"

"Okay..." Chad was clearly shocked by the words and coughed for a moment. "I... bye then..."

Jensen didn't let him say anything more, if there was more to say. Reaching out he pulled Jared's phone from his grasp and ended the call before tossing the device to the side and sliding up his body to crush their lips together. His legs slid over Jared's hips as their tongues tangled together, rolling a heavy weight down into him. "Mmm... how's your stamina?" Jensen murmured into the kiss, hands sliding up into Jared's hair.

Jared thrust his hips up under Jensen, pressing his already half hard cock firmly into the man's body. "M'just fine thank you." In case there was any doubt at all, he thrust his tongue forward into Jensen's mouth.

-=-=-=-

The tension and sadness of the past few days faded slightly with the new found joy he had with Jared. Though he would always mourn the loss of his father, he appreciated the fact that life went on and that, no matter where his father was now he was looking down on him with warm smile. His Dad would be pleased to see his happiness. They left Jensen's family home two days after the funeral with promises to return as soon as they could. Donna was pleased to learn that Jensen would be settling down in Texas with Jared, no longer needing to pursue his quest on the road. She sent them off with sandwiches, full coffee mugs and wishes to drive safely. Jensen was happy to curl up against Jared's side as they started once more on a long drive crossing several states. They fell into comfortable conversation, learning the little facts about each other that might not matter much in the long run but seemed _really_ important to Jensen as he questioned Jared on all his favorite things.

For the most part the drive was uneventful. Halfway through Arizona they picked up a hitchhiker at Jensen's insistence, even though Jensen had to squish between Jared and the hippie chick who kind of smelt like she hadn't showered for a few... weeks. Jensen didn't mind though. He was quick to share his experiences with her and they treated her to a nice dinner before parting ways with her at the near Texas border. As they drew closer to Jared's hometown Jensen's nerves grew. Though Jared had told his family about him now, it didn't make meeting them any less intimidating. Of course Jared had just gone through the same thing meeting Jensen's family and under much worse circumstances so he could relate to the nerves and was quick to ensure that his family would adore him.

Jared was having the time of his life. The trip back to Texas was almost the opposite of the mood of the trip up country. When they actually arrived at the border Jared yanked on the steering wheel and pulled the truck over and made Jensen walk across the state line. It seemed important at the time then he just felt like a big dork and then he just collapsed against Jensen laughing. The miles flew by - it felt like there was so much for them to talk about. By the time they were hitting the city limits of San Antonio they'd covered everything from gummy worms to favorite potential sexual positions. Jared had extracted several promises from Jensen that they could try them all. His argument was that he couldn't really pick a favorite without a lot of empirical data. Soon enough - maybe too soon judging by how nervous Jensen looked - they were pulling into Jared's driveway.

"God," Jared shook his head. "It's so weird being back here." Blinking a few times Jared tightened his fingers on the steering wheel then let his hands fall to his lap. "So," he bumped Jensen with his shoulder, "s'home. Not much - it's a small house - but it's mine... ours... if you..." he shrugged away the rest of the words.

Shifting in the seat Jensen laid his fingers on Jared's cheek and turned him so their lips could brush together. "Ours... I like the sound of that." He smiled at him and slid his hand around his neck to pull him in for a deeper kiss. When he finally broke the kiss by dragging Jared's lip back with his teeth he grinned and pushed his shoulder softly. "Let's go inside. I'm excited to see what our home looks like."

Pushing his door open Jared slid out of the truck and stretched. "God," he arched his back and rubbed at his neck. "I'm pretty happy I don't have to _fucking_ drive anywhere for a while." Laughing full and loud he dragged his bag out of the cab and walked up the sidewalk waiting for Jensen at the front door holding out the key. "Now, let me say up front, I was in a _real_ rush when I left so I have no clue what's lying about. Underwear - you know." Smiling he reached out and slipped Jensen's hair behind his ear.

Jensen grinned and curved his hand around Jared's ass, squeezing roughly and nudging him forward. "You mean to tell me you having perfected the secret art of cleaning without being home?" He laughed and stepped into Jared's body, kissing Jared with a slow part of lips. "Mm I really enjoy kissing you," he breathed against his boyfriend's lips, hand sliding to the small of Jared's back and bringing their bodies flush together.

"Mmm," Jared's mouth opened easily, tongue slipping forward to run along Jensen's bottom lip. "There's... a bedroom, a kitchen," he kissed the corner of Jensen's mouth. "Oh - there are lots of places to kiss me." Stepping back into the door he waited while until Jensen had the key near the lock before ending the kiss and licking his lips. He side-stepped as Jensen opened the door and followed him into the house.

Instantly Jensen's eyes lifted to scan around the house. It was a tad on the messy side but Jensen saw it more as properly _lived in_. Too clean houses kind of creeped him out anyway. Pictures hung on the walls of the first hallway and Jensen scanned over them, eyes lingering on Jared with his arms around a tall blond. "Chad?" He asked, tapping the edge of the frame and smiling slightly. "Don't worry, I didn't think you'd mastered magic picture removal with your mind either. We'll just have to get some pictures of us up," he smiled brighter at Jared before setting off through the living room to explore, not bothering to wait for any sort of tour.

Trailing around the house behind Jensen was amusing. Jared had a big grin on his face. Occasionally he would pick up the odd item, including the photo of Chad, two pairs of boxers and a pathetic letter he'd been writing to said ex-boyfriend. Jensen made himself at home quickly, he grabbed a cookie from the cookie jar in the kitchen, bounced on the end of Jared's bed a few times and raised his eyebrows mischievously and he didn't make it past Jared's closet without yanking out a t-shirt and exchanging it for his own. As they moved back into the living room Jared dumped his arm load of items onto one of the dining room chairs and shoved it back under the table. "So... what you think?" He shrugged off his jacket and stuffed his hands in the pockets of his jeans. "And for the record - seeing you in _my_ shirt is really hot." Jared slipped his fingers into the neck of his t-shirt and tugged.

Jensen stepped willingly into Jared's body, watching him with slightly wide eyes. "I think it's amazing," he breathed and wrapped his arms around Jared, hands massaging along his back slowly. "Jared..." he dipped forward and brushed his lips along Jared's neck, exhaling slowly. "This may be absolutely crazy but you know how I can't help saying what's on my mind..." he spoke into the skin, sucking along every inch of Jared's neck. "There's this very real possibility that I may be in love with you. That I am... in love with you, you know?" Jensen's shoulders tensed slightly, lips still pressed firmly into Jared's skin.

Fingers tightening on the t-shirt Jared squeezed his eyes shut tight and slipped the fingers of his other hand into Jensen's hair. " _God_ , Jensen... I..." His skin was tingling under the other man's lips, shivers sliding cool and quick down his body. "I... I can't..." Everything was turned on its head - a week - seven days full of messed up, over-the-top emotions. Pressing his hand against Jensen's chest Jared made a little space between them. "You...you hungry or something? I..." he shifted back and bumped into the wall behind him, "I can make you somethin'."

It was something Jensen always knew, the risk of saying things without holding back as one often shoulder. Smiling softly he turned and shook his head, eyes sliding along the walls of the living room. "I'm good, thanks though. So what now? Want me to help you clean up?" He hadn't honestly expected Jared to return the sentiment and it was oddly okay, even if his heart stung slightly, that was bound to be an involuntary reaction. Looking toward the door it occurred to him he'd left his backpack out in the truck and he half stepped forward. "I'm gonna get my bag, probably should wash my clothes."

"Okay, bring your stuff in - then I think maybe we should sit down... and talk." Jared rubbed his hand over his mouth and a smile flitted over his face quickly.

Jensen frowned, never liking words like _sit down_ and _talk_ strung together in one sentence. "You know it was just a thing Jared. I always say what's on my mind and that's just how I am. I don't need you to say the same thing or even feel the same way. Okay? So it's cool, I'm not gonna freak out on you or anything," Jensen half shrugged and glanced at Jared before walking out of the house and to the truck, pulling open the door and grabbing his backpack and coat. He was beginning to think it would be a good idea to start reconnecting his brain to mouth filter before it got him in trouble. Walking back inside he bypassed the living room in favor of stepping into the bathroom and closing the door swiftly behind him.

Sighing, Jared padded down the hallway and leaned against the wall across from the bathroom door. Sliding down the wall he settled on the floor and stretched his legs out in front of him. "I told Chad I loved him... once. Only one time," he added. "We had been out all day, hiking. I carried this stupid back pack all the way, miles we walked. I had a bottle of wine and some _stupid_ cookies I made just 'cause..." He sighed and thumped his head hard against the wall behind hm. "Jensen, I've done nothing but make safe, stupid choices my entire life and they've never worked out. But... that's what I know." He heard movement behind the bathroom door. "I promise never to lie to you, never to make just the _safe_ choice if you promise never to stop telling me what you think. I kinda like... that I never know what the _hell_ is gonna come out of your mouth." Staring up at the ceiling he sighed again.

Pulling the door open slowly Jensen leaned against the frame and considered Jared, head tilted down as he watched the steady rise and fall of his chest. "What did Chad say? When you told him?" He asked quietly, slight frown on his lips. He had a hunch what Jared was going to say because he'd been on the receiving end of a not so pleasant reaction to saying _I love you_ before. More unpleasant than this particular one which wasn't really that unpleasant, more just expected.

A harsh laugh left Jared's lips. "He said, _that's sweet of you, Jared._ " He rubbed both hands down over his face, "and I _do_ know how stupid it makes me that I didn't walk away right at that very moment." Still, after all this time it made something pinch hard in his chest. The pain of that feeling of saying the wrong thing, _saying_ out loud that it didn't matter if he heard the words back and knowing that it did. "And..." he murmured, "I know when I said it that I was hurt - _fuck_ \- I said what you said - I said that it didn't matter if he felt the same way or if he just didn't want to say it yet -and it _did_ matter Jensen." He blinked away the tears that were threatening and cleared his throat. "The thing is. I know that... there are things going on in my mind... in my heart..." he pressed his hand against his chest, sighed and looked up at Jensen. Giving up on words he held out his hand, "come here?"

With just a hint of a smile Jensen crossed the hallway and slid down the wall beside Jared, taking his hand and threading their fingers together. "It really _is_ okay Jared. I mean, yeah it would have been nice to hear it back but I'm not foolish enough to think that everyone is the same when it comes to these things. At least you didn't laugh at me. Or call me a child. Or get up and just leave," Jensen shrugged and turned his head to stare at Jared. "I know you feel something, otherwise I wouldn't be here. So that's enough," he squeezed Jared's hand in his and let their shoulders brush together.

Jared moved quickly and reached over to grab Jensen and haul him onto his lap. He grabbed Jensen's thighs and pulled him up close so he was straddling Jared's lap. "If I tell you a secret do you promise not to tell anyone? And you can't say anything at all about it. Okay?" He stared straight into Jensen's eyes.

Blinking slowly Jensen met Jared's gaze and nodded, "okay." His mind supplied a variety of things Jared could say but in the end he decided to just let Jared fill in the details. "I promise," he smiled softly and laid his hands on Jared's shoulders.

Leaning forward, Jared pressed his lips to Jensen's ear then whispered, "I'm pretty sure that I'm already thinking... you know... that I love you too." His arms slid up Jensen's legs and over his hips. "Don't say a word though..." he whispered and sucked Jensen's earlobe into his mouth to tease the flesh with his tongue.

Chuckling softly Jensen's heart fluttered in his chest and he grinned, tightening his arms around Jared. "Okay, I won't say a word," he slid his fingers up through Jared's hair and pulled him back to crush their lips together.

Tucking his hands under Jensen's ass, Jared gave himself over to the kiss. Of all the things that had happened in the past week, kissing Jensen, learning each curve of his soft, silken lips. _That_ was the best, the most perfect thing. Kissing Jensen was like coming alive; even if only their lips were touching sensation flooded through his body. " _Fuck_ ," he mumbled against Jensen's wet lips, "I could spend the rest of my life kissing you."

"I know the feeling," Jensen murmured and leaned in to deepen the kiss. Sliding back a moment later he smiled and ran his fingers along Jared's jaw. "I can't believe I found someone as amazing as you..." he nearly whispered the words, mapping Jared's features out with the tips of his fingers.

Closing his eyes Jared smiled. "You are. 'Cause, man, kissing you, spending all this time with you is _such_ a nasty job. But..." his smile grew to a grin, "I'm willing to do it... you know for the good of mankind and all that." He squeezed Jensen's ass playfully, loving the way the pads of Jensen's fingers felt on his face.

"Asshat," Jensen snorted and bent down to nip at Jared's neck, kissing up to his ear lobe and sucking it into his mouth. "So... should we go break in your bed? You know, make this place officially ours?" He rolled his hips suggestively down into Jared's and sucked along his skin.

Opening his already darkening eyes Jared's grin faded slightly, "I'm... surprisingly okay with that idea." Leaning his head to the side he focused in on the feeling of Jensen's mouth working its way along his flesh. "So... since that night in your room... you haven't..." Jared shuddered pleasantly as he thought of that night, the way Jensen moved against him. "We haven't..." his mouth moved wordlessly for a few moments as Jensen bit down hard on his collar bone. _God_ he could feel it everywhere in his body, the sharp bite the smooth tongue.

"We haven't..." Jensen agreed and slid his hands down under Jared's shirt, working along his skin. "Too busy... but now..." he grinned into Jared's flesh before sliding back enough to tug his shirt off.”I suppose we should move from the hallway... though I do imagine we'll have to christen the entire house," sliding his fingers down Jared's now bare chest he traced the skin above his waist line and tucked just the tips beneath denim.

Sucking in a sharp breath as his stomach muscles tightened, Jared shuddered under Jensen's touch. "Entire house," he murmured. The possibilities of all those rooms, all that furniture making him rock hard. "B..Bed first... okay?" It was stupid, but he _wanted_ Jensen in the bed, their smell on the sheets, the outline of two bodies in the sheets when they got up.

Jensen moaned softly and nodded; sliding back he pushed up to his feet and tugged Jared up with him. They whispered quiet words of affection in between kisses as hands slid under clothing and they stumbled back to the bedroom. Jensen could never fully grasp just how Jared could affect him so much. Every time their skin brushed, lips collided, flesh burned, Jensen was sent spiraling into some crazy sort of world where everything pulsed _Jared_. And this particular time Jensen learned that the curve of Jared's body rocking down into his from where he sat straddled over his hips was one of the fucking _hottest_ things imaginable.

If anything this time was impossibly better, neither feel the confines of required silence around them. Jared's neck arched back with each delicious moan that spiraled down Jensen's spine and pushed him into his own personal oblivion. Telling Jared he loved him as he came was nearly as amazing as hearing Jared say it in return as he fell apart above him. After, as they lay together panting, heart rates slowly returning to normal, Jensen spoke quietly to Jared. He told him about the wreck of a man he'd once been and how, before, he had never understood why people were made to suffer such horrendous circumstances. The smile on Jared's face when he went on to explain that he understood why now, that sometimes you needed to feel the bad to appreciate the good to come, swelled Jensen's heart to bursting.

Jared was the absolute perfect _something_.


	7. Chapter 7

The problem with picking out jewelry, Jensen has discovered, was that he tried to picture Jared wearing each and every piece and he kind of liked them all the same. Or well, he really liked the idea of jewelry on Jared. Especially _this_ jewelry. Because buying _this_ for Jared was a really big fucking deal and that was not lost on Jensen. So picking the very first one to catch his eye wasn't a good idea. Which was probably why he was in the fourth jewelry store the mall had to offer and shooting paranoid looks over his shoulder in case Jared showed up a half hour early. Jensen wouldn't put it past him. His boyfriend had this tendency to be ultra sneaky, especially when it came to him surprising Jensen.

"Excuse me," Jensen turned to the long, dark haired man to the side of him, holding out two silver rings. One had an unusual Celtic swirling pattern that interloped and twined around the band, the other was a serious of spontaneous slashes and lines. Both were equally pleasing to the eye and Jensen was fairly sure Jared would like either, so he was stuck. "Which one of these do you prefer?"

The man smiled and dragged a hand through his curly hair before sliding forward; reaching out to take both rings and hold them up. "Depends on the person I suppose. I guess this one, I see more as like, a symbol of a long term thing? Since they're all connected?" He held up the Celtic patterned ring and shrugged. "But then I can't really say I'm the best person to ask about these things."

Jensen nodded and took the rings back smile at him in appreciation. "You know I think I agree. The random marks on this seem too disjointed and considering this is supposed to be an engagement ring I don't think disjointed really sends the right message," Jensen laughed and slipped the two rings back in their boxers. A half glance to the side told him the man's expression was momentarily shocked before fading away and Jensen internally cringed. There he was, sprouting his mouth again. Coming out to a complete stranger - whose arms were fucking bigger than Jensen's neck - in the middle of Texas wasn't the smartest idea he'd ever had. "Uh well... thanks for your help."

"How long have you two been together?" The brunette asked and smiled, no hint of hostility in his words.

A wave of relief coursed through Jensen and he spun the ring box in his hand, grinning as he answered the man. "Almost eight months. But it might as well have been forever. He's just amazing, fantastic, best person in the entire fucking world," Jensen realized he'd drifted off a little in thought and he blinked a few times, laughing at himself. "Sorry. I have this tendency to gush. But you know, some people are gush worthy."

"I know the feeling," he nodded and laughed as well, glancing out of the store before pushing back. "Well I wish you the best of luck. I don't see my boy over there so I better hunt him down. Hope he says yes." The stranger clasped him firmly on the shoulder before turning and heading out of the store. Jensen smiled for a moment, _my boy_. He wouldn't have guessed that guy to be gay but nowadays it was almost impossible to tell. Turning back to the rings, Jensen's smile fell.

 _God_ he hoped Jared said yes too. It seemed pretty impossible that he wouldn't but that nagging little doubt still pressed at the corners of his mind. "Can I take this one please?" He asked the worker as she returned and pushed the ring of choice to her. She smiled, nodded, and headed off and Jensen rolled to lean his back against the warm glass counter and stare out into the mall.

In the eight months since Jensen met Jared, life had pretty damn near perfect. Jensen had found a job at a small firm taking mostly civil cases, work that could be done _at_ work and hardly ever had to be brought home. His weekends were spent with Jared, hitting up whatever club or bar the band of the week were playing at. Jensen enjoyed those moments with Jared, swaying together in the crowd, sharing the long slide of lips as their hips rolled together, or sucking on Jared's neck as he tried to jot down notes for his review of the band.

It wasn't long after Jensen moved in that he met Jared's family and they now included him as part of the group, even to the point where Jared's brother Jeff took him golfing on more than one occasion when Jared was at a deadline and needed to focus on getting done. Jensen was very good at being a distraction.

Fifteen minutes later Jensen was leaving the shop, tucking the box into the large pocket on his backpack and slinging it back over his shoulders. Even if he didn't _need_ his backpack, Jensen was fond of carrying it around. This way he could carry around his items and still feel the comfort of familiarity. The plan now was to meet up with Jared at the food court, apparently his boyfriend had an intense craving for soft pretzels and that worked for Jensen since he had arranged the day off for his giant ring quest anyway. Now he headed that way, humming softly as he scanned the stores along the walk.

Jensen was beyond ridiculously happy. And sometimes, though he wouldn't admit it out loud, he was really downright terrified. The way he felt for Jared was five million times more intense than how he ever felt for Tom and handing his whole heart to someone was bound to be a little scary. It wasn't like he didn't trust Jared, because he did with his entire heart, but there was still the little fear that would likely never go away.

Which was why Jensen stopped mid-step as he entered the food court. It wasn't hard to spot Jared in the crowd; men his height hardly went unnoticed. Especially in this case when he was laughing, speaking to a man that Jensen could only see the back of. Jared was friendly and his status as a reporter for the underground music scene often had people approaching him, and Jared wasn't really the type of person to simply turn them away. So it wasn't that _rare_ a sight.

It was rare, however, to see that person stepping forward, laying a hand on his collarbone and pressing a kiss right along the edge of his lips. And also rare to see _that_ smile, the cute little embarrassed yet pleased one Jared got whenever Jensen went out of his way to make it obvious they were a couple in public. _Maybe_ if Jensen's history was different, if he hadn't been betrayed in quite the way he had, he may have a little more open to an explanation. But that wasn't him. Jensen had been horribly and brutally betrayed and his mind instantly supplied Tom, nearly same height, darker hair, blue eyes, kissing his wife, turning shocked eyes on Jensen.

Everything in Jensen stiffened, froze, sank, and spiraled out of control faster than he could have anticipated. Those familiar hazel eyes lifted, picked him out of the crowed, and Jensen turned and fled. It was the only thing that seemed safe. He darted through the crowd of people as quick as he could, staring at the floor through burning tears along the rims of his eyes. _Jared_. Even as his heart told him it was a mistake, he didn't know what he was seeing; his mind insisted that people didn't randomly kiss blond strangers in the mall. Not Jared at least. He'd known that man and Jensen felt like he was breaking.

-=-=-=-

"Jared?"

Looking up in the direction of the voice Jared spotted someone he certainly hadn't expected to see. "Chad? Oh my God. Chad!" Unfolding himself from the food court furniture - that absolutely wasn't designed for someone his height he smiled and stood there for a moment. "What... what are you doing in town?"

Titling his head up slightly Chad smiled brightly and shrugged, "my brother is getting married. So it seemed like a good time to bring Chris home, let him me the family. And then he insisted on buying a wedding gift. So here we are. Or I am. I have currently lost him." Chad looked around curiously for a moment before patting Jared's shoulder. "How's it going man? God it's been almost a year huh?"

"Great... " Jared nodded, thinking of how perfect things really were. Jensen had brought so much joy to his life; every little thing they did was different. Waking up he saw those beautiful eyes in the morning, holding hands walking through a mall and the small road trips they'd been making around Texas whenever they had time. It was a bigger world now and Jared couldn't have been more in love with Jensen if he'd tried. "Life seems to be just working out right, ya know? Jensen - you remember the uh phone call?" He couldn't help laughing softly. "We've been together since then, he's ... well, he's great." Smiling softly as he thought of his lover he looked down at Chad. "You? How are things with ... uh... Chris is it?"

Chad's smile was soft, fond, and he dragged a hand through his hair with a slow exhale. "Good. Things are... good. Better than." Looking into Jared's eyes Chad's smile faded slightly before returning, as genuine as ever. "I'm really glad you found someone Jared. I'm sure he's... well... you look really great. Obviously he makes you really happy and that makes me glad. I... I've always regretted the way things ended between us you know? I hope you can forgive me for all that, I was a total douche and I know it," Chad shrugged, giving Jared a sheepish look.

"Yeah, you were." Jared waited until Chad met his gaze then smirked. "S'all good Chad. If I hadn't been on the way to ...well, I never would have met Jensen." Smiling again, eyes a little glassy Jared blinked. "He's ... he's my whole life Chad." He was sure the look on his face gave away his feelings; the all-consuming love he had for Jensen. It was easy to love him.

For a moment Chad looked shocked by the emotion on Jared's face before his smile grew impossibly wide. "Here," reaching out he grabbed Jared's phone and keyed in his number. "I know you're probably not interested but we're gonna be in town for a few days if you two want to do dinner. I'd love to meet him and I'd love for you to meet Chris." He pressed Jared's phone back into hand and leaned forward to kiss the corner of his lip. "I'm so happy for you Jared; I hope he knows how lucky he is."

"You too, Chad. I'll talk to Jensen and maybe we can get together." He glanced up over Chad's shoulder and saw Jensen. In just a few seconds he watched emotions flash over Jensen's face and he could swear that Jensen was upset. Then Jared watched, shocked, as Jensen turned on his heel and started heading toward the exit. "I uh... I gotta go Chad," he headed off through the crowd, "I'll call you," he tossed back at the blond over his shoulder.

It wasn't easy to catch up to Jensen, there were people milling about everywhere but Jared had the advantage of being tall enough to keep an eye on where Jensen was. "Jensen!" He'd called out a couple of times and was pretty sure that Jensen should have heard him but it didn't do anything to slow the speed of his exit. By the time Jared caught Jensen's arm with his fingers, pulling him to a stop they were already in the underground parking lot. "Jensen, _Jesus_." Jared was panting slightly, "didn't you hear me calling you?"

"Let me go," Jensen insisted, jerking back from the touch and laying his fingers over the place on his arm Jared's fingers had been. His mind was reeling with the impossible sight and thick tears streamed down his cheeks so he kept his head down and turned, starting off once more. "I don't... want to talk to you right now." He gasped, pushing forward with determination.

"Jensen..." Shock immobilized Jared for a few moments then he launched forward again catching Jensen once more and spinning him round to push him back against the wall. " _What_ the _hell_ is going on?" His expression softened as his eyes moved over his lover's face, "did someone hurt you? Are you okay?"

"No I'm not _okay_ ," Jensen snapped and pulled back once more, arms wind milling to get Jared's body away from his. "I _saw_ you with that... that guy. And he _kissed_ you." Jensen gasped the word as if he were shocked just to say it. "And you smiled! You smiled like you do when I tell you I lov-" Jensen choked on the word and turned away once more, vaguely aware that they were just outside the mall and likely causing a scene. But his heart felt too shattered at the moment to care.

" _God_ Jensen ... Listen to me." Jared didn't do it very often but he used his height to his advantage and pressed in close to his lover, keeping him there, grabbing his hands and holding them against the wall at his shoulders. "That was Chad." He grunted when Jensen started to fight him and spoke over him. "He's in town with his boyfriend for a few days and wanted to know if we would meet them...or he could meet you I guess..." He shook his head, feeling Jensen relax _very_ slightly. At least he was listening. "Jensen, I was telling him about _you_. About how _you're_ my whole life and how happy I am. I was talking about _you._ "

Learning that the mysterious man was Chad wasn't exactly soothing but it at least made a little more sense. And Jensen's mind struggling with the information. It occurred to him after a moment that Jared's mind hadn't instantly gone to that dark place Jensen's had and he inhaled deeply, trying to calm his nerves. "I... okay I just... I saw that and... all I could think about..." Jensen pursed his lips and reached up quickly to swipe at his cheeks. "Was Tom and... and I just... I'm sorry I'm being stupid." His heart was still racing slightly, pulse burning thick through his veins.

"You're not being stupid at all. I ... he just kissed me and, to tell you the truth, I never would have done that. It was like a peace offering I think...but..." He shook away the less important stuff. "Jensen, I am _so_ sorry I hurt you. You've gotta believe I ... I didn't mean for you to feel this way... _fuck_. " Letting Jensen's hands go - Jared's hands fell to his lover's cheeks. "I was so busy bragging about you...God, Jen, I love you so much."

"I know," Jensen said softly, leaning into Jared. His mind chanted a steady _he's not Tom, he's not Tom_ though his heart already knew that. "God let's get out of here. I can feel everyone staring and I'm sure I look like a girl," he forced a chuckle, still nursing the sting in his heart. Truthfully he just wanted to be somewhere private with Jared so the man could soothe the temporary shock and pain.

"They're looking at us 'cause we're gorgeous," Jared grinned shakily and tucked Jensen in close to his side. "Want me to drive you home? I can leave my truck at the magazine tonight." Sighing, he pressed his lips to Jensen's temple and let himself be lead towards Jensen's car. "I took the rest of the day off, wanted to surprise you." He could still feel Jensen trembling slightly under his arm and his brow furrowed. If he _ever_ met Tom he was going to kick his ass.

"I'm glad you did," Jensen said softly and leaned into Jared, shrugging his backpack off his shoulders and bringing it around. A moment later he pulled out his keys and offered them to Jared, pulling away to head around to the passenger side and tugging the door open. Jensen exhaled slowly and looked over at Jared as he slid the seat back. "So... Chad huh? What's he doing in town?" It was always easiest for Jensen to simply move on to the next topic, especially if he was just trying to get over things like this shock.

Blinking as he slid behind the wheel Jared's mouth opened then closed, and then he shrugged. "I ... something family..I can't even remember. It'll come back to me when I'm not quite so shocked I'm sure." Crooked grin on his face he glanced at Jensen out of the corner of his eye. "We don't have to meet them - him and Chris I mean. I don't care." His hand slipped naturally over Jensen's thigh as he drove down the exit ramp.

Jensen thought about it for most of the drive, laying his hand on Jared's and letting his fingers fall between Jared's spread fingers. Seeing Jared's ex and his new boyfriend wasn't exactly an appealing event but after the events of the day, Jensen felt almost like he _had_ too. Like he needed to put some claim on Jared. The thought alone made him snort and he shook his head, finally turning to look at Jared once more. "Don't want to show me off?" He smiled softly and squeezed Jared's hand, trying not to think of that blond mass of hair leaning in to Jared like he'd seen less than a half hour before.

"Honestly? I would _love_ to show you off -but more importantly I just want you to be okay. I know what you went through with Tom ... was well, it was horrible and I know that kind of thing leaves scars." Jared signaled and turned onto their street, "you forgive me? For making you feel this way?" He pulled into their driveway and turned the ignition off, sitting silently in the car.

Reaching out Jensen curled his fingers around Jared's jaw and turned him to face him, "I know you're not... I know that's not what you were doing okay? And I know that he kissed you and it wasn't even a real kiss. So I'll forgive you because I also know you won't let it drop until I say I do but... it's... you know it's my fault." Jensen sighed and shook his head, pushing out of the car and hooking his backpack over his shoulder. As he rounded the car and stood beside Jared he shrugged, "I _trust_ you and I shouldn't have been so quick to jump to conclusions. I shouldn't even think you're capable of something like that." He stopped outside the front door, leaning against the frame to stare at Jared.

"Okay." Jared smiled at Jensen shyly, still a little nervous. "What you starin' at?" Scratching at his forehead he stepped closer, fingers reaching out to tug on Jensen's belt loop.

Smiling Jensen shrugged casually and reached out to take his keys from Jared, half turning to slip the house key into the lock. "You. You know I like staring at you." Pushing the door open Jensen turned the rest of the way to head inside, tossing his keys onto the hall table and hanging his backpack on the hook. As the front door closed with a click Jensen slid his shoes off and pulled his coat off. "You know, I wouldn't mind going to dinner with them. Maybe you and Chad can even be friends kind of you know? I know you miss having a bunch of friends," Jensen smiled over his shoulder at Jared as he dug through the backpack on the wall.

"I don't _miss_ having lots of friends. I've got you." Grinning Jared pulled his boots off and yanked his sweater up over his head. His hair was standing up at all kinds of weird angles when he looked over at Jensen, "you want coffee or something? I'll make you whatever you want..." On the way back to the house he'd decided he was going to do everything he could to make Jensen's afternoon perfect.

Nodding Jensen stepped closer to his bag, curling his fingers around the ring box and debating silently for a moment before slipping it open and bringing the ring out. He twisted the silver band up into his palm and withdrew from the bag holding his cell phone as a logical explanation for his digging. "Coffee would be good," he agreed and headed for the kitchen, slipping the ring into his pocket as he walked around the counter to pull out a fresh filter. "So what do you think? Should we go to dinner with them? I mean, you definitely don't _owe_ him anything but I suppose it's the polite thing to do," Jensen shrugged and pulled out the coffee.

"Whatever you feel like, maybe dessert somewhere - what if Chris is an asshole?" He laughed and pulled the coffee maker out, grabbing the pot to fill the machine with water. "Besides, they're only here a few days and it's our weekend. I want to spend as much of it with you as I can." The weekends were the best time for them, sleeping in, cuddling on the couch watching movies. The longer they were together the more Jared found he looked forward to those times. Coffee pot bubbling away Jared tugged on Jensen's arm until his lover relented and stepped forward into his arms. Lifting him up Jared slid his lover up onto the counter and stepped forward to lean in between Jensen's legs. Humming quietly he buried his face in Jensen's neck.

Jensen wrapped his legs around Jared's waist, pulling their bodies together and wrapping his arms around his shoulders before gently sliding down. "Mm good point... maybe we can have them over for coffee," Jensen mused, stroking his hands through Jared's hair, eyes fluttering as Jared's lips brushed his skin. "Or maybe go for coffee... having them here would probably be awkward. Let's see how we feel tomorrow okay? You might change your mind and _really_ want to do dinner," Jensen grinned, hands dropping down to slide along Jared's arms.

"Why? You gonna starve me all day or something," Jared mumbled against Jensen's neck. His long fingers slipped under the collar of Jensen's t-shirt, pulling it down so he could latch on to the flesh there, sucking and licking gently. "Mmmm," he murmured.

Chuckling softly Jensen's neck stretched further to the side to give Jared's more room, his heart racing once more for an all new reason. Hands lifting to Jared's shoulders, Jensen pushed him back slightly until he straightened, smiling softly as their eyes met and his hand dropped to his pocket. "So... I'm about to have one of those moments were I just _do_ something because it feels right and I pray afterward that you don't completely freak out on me."

Laughing Jared let his head fall down on Jensen's shoulder. "I just _love_ it when conversations start like that. Makes me nervous," he muttered. Straightening up again he grinned and ran his hands through Jensen's curls. Freezing, a look of fear on his face he spoke softly, "you're not cutting your hair are you?" Life without that beautiful hair...well. There were some things Jared wouldn't compromise on.

"What?" Jensen laughed and shook his head. "No way man. I love my hair too much to cut it," he was still chuckling softly as he slipped the ring into his palm and curled his fingers over it, free hand reaching out to snag Jared's left hand in his. Jensen wet his lips slowly and ran his thumb slowly along Jared's knuckles, watching the movement for a long moment before lifting his eyes up to Jared's. "I love you. So very much. You complete me, fill in all the little cracks, and make every moment as close to perfect as this world can be. And I can't imagine a life without you anymore. And so, I know it's not technically legal everywhere and that it may be incredibly cheesy and cliché but... Jared Tristan Padalecki, will you marry me?" He smiled softly at Jared, surprisingly more nervous than he anticipated. His fingers uncurled and he held the ring up for Jared to see.

Jared's eyes widened as Jensen spoke and then his brows drew together as a warm smile grew on his face. Teeth clamping down on his bottom lip for a few moments he could feel the grin spreading across his cheeks. If Jared had learned anything it was that had no particular talent for making decisions, but this one was easy. "Yes. Absolutely. No question. Yes, Jensen." Leaning forward his brushed his lips across his lover's, nose rubbing gently across Jensen's cheek.

Jensen's grin matched Jared's and he pulled his _fiancé’s_ hand up to slide the ring on his finger. "Oh thank god because I seriously couldn't have handled you saying no," he laughed softly and stared at Jared's hand for a minute before pulling Jared in and crashing their lips together. His hands slid automatically up into Jared's hair, holding him as close as possible as his legs wrapped tighter around him, chests flush together as Jensen's ass slid dangerously close to the edge.

Jared let out a small growling sound and tucked his hands under Jensen's ass to keep him from falling off the counter. The coffee pot started to his and spit behind them as it finished brewing and Jared pulled back slightly to mutter, "your coffee," against Jensen's lips. In an instant his hands were sliding up under Jensen's shirt making him moan softly as he felt the heat of his lover's smooth flesh.

"Fuck it," Jensen muttered, arching into Jared's touch. At this point the last thing he really cared about was coffee. "Need to celebrate," he mused quietly, fingers dipping under Jared's shirt collar and running along the flesh. His body rolled forward into Jared's, already mostly hard. "Want you..." he murmured into another kiss, tongue snaking forward to sweep wide circles around Jared's mouth.

Feeling Jensen's legs tighten around him made Jared's hips jolt forward. " _God_ ," he mumbled into the kiss grabbing Jensen's hair and pulling hard to shift his lover's mouth right where he wanted it. Kissing Jensen was like getting too close to a fire; Jared could feel heat flare through his body, sending a blush up to his cheeks and down his neck. Pulling Jensen off the counter he moaned loudly as the man slid straight down the front of his body. The pressure of his lover's body grinding down the front of Jared's jeans kicked everything up a notch. Shoving Jensen roughly toward the hallway Jared's hands moved over his lover's shirt, he swore softly when he couldn't get it up then finding the hem yanked it up over Jensen's head.

Fingers curling into Jared's shirt the moment his hands were free Jensen tugged up as well, needing to feel the hot burn of his lover's skin against his. Their hips ground together and Jensen moaned, slamming his lips hard into Jared's and shoving roughly forward with his tongue. Jensen's hands mapped a trail down Jared's chest, flaring along the overheated flesh, circling along the already hard nipples. He could feel Jared's hands on him and smiled into the kiss as silver glided over his skin. "Jared..." he murmured, fingers flipping the button of his jeans open and dragging the zipper down. He twisted his wrist until his hand could slide inside Jared's pants, stroking along the hard line of flesh in a tantalizingly slow maneuver, gentle squeeze and slight twist.

The touch made Jared stumble forward; he wasn't even sure where he was trying to get them to anymore. The breath shot out of his lungs and his hips rolled forward into Jensen's as his wide hands slid down over Jensen's denim clad ass. A low rumble started in his chest, _God_ he wanted this man. Cock aching under Jensen's teasing Jared fought his way through a full-body _fucking_ shudder of lust, _now_ and _more_. Limping forward as he fumbled with Jensen's button and pulled his zipper down, "bed... room," he spat out quickly in between wet kisses.

Sliding swiftly away from the counter Jensen pulled his fingers free and tugged Jared out of the kitchen with three fingers on the waistband of his jeans. He practically pulled Jared down the hall to their bedroom, walking slightly awkwardly because of the heat pulsing against the half open front of his jeans. The moment they were in the room he spun and slammed Jared hard enough against the wall to make the air escape in a whoosh out his lips. Jensen crowded instantly into his space, lips descending along his collar bone, biting roughly at the skin before sucking the abused flesh into his mouth. Denim curled under his fingers as he shoved the material roughly down Jared's hips and down until it pooled at his feet. " _Fuck_ I want you," he hissed the words into Jared's flesh, sliding his mouth along Jared's skin as he moved.

Back aching from the way Jensen had manhandled him back into the wall Jared could feel his cock leaking, relief washing over him as Jensen managed to get the jeans down. Kicking the discarded pants out of the way Jared's head thudded heavily back against the wall, hands sliding down to grab painfully hard on Jensen's hips. "Hard," he moaned out, "want you to fuck me hard..." He couldn't help the groan that slipped past his lips. There were times for tender and sweet and this wasn't one of them. Jared loved that Jensen was strong, strong enough to move him around, control things...control him. Slipping slightly down the wall his hands slipped forward off Jensen's hips to curl around the man's cock. It was hot, throbbing, the skin silky smooth as Jared stroked up.

The words burned through Jensen, shaking his shoulders as heat curled low in the pit of his stomach. Curling his fingers around Jared’s sides Jensen spun them, backing his lover swiftly to the bed and shoving him hard onto the mattress. It took only moments for him to grab the lube from the nightstand, shredding the rest of his clothing along the way. Jared moved to crawl up the bed but Jensen caught his ankle and tugged him back. “Get on your knees,” he demanded, voice rough, popping the cap on the lube with his free hand. Jared’s body was already flushed with arousal and heat and Jensen knew he had to look similar. “Gonna fuck you like this,” he informed in a low growl, slicking his fingers with lube and lazily stroking himself as he waited for Jared to flip around and shift back to him. “God you fuckin’ want it don’t you? So eager for my cock in you,” Jensen’s hips slid forward slightly at the touch, anticipation flaring through him.

Panting, sweat beading on his forehead - Jared's hands fisted the sheets under his palms and he shifted back slightly, hips swinging back to brush back and forth across Jensen's cock. Straining to look back over his shoulder Jared moaned and pressed back harder. Jensen's face was flushed, his hair plastered to his forehead in small wisps - _God_ \- the man's lips were swollen and glistening with spit and Jared leaned forward to rub his own weeping shaft against the bed. "Want you," he moaned and reached down to slide long cool fingers over his cock, "in me..." The muscles in Jared's arm shuddered as he held himself up.

Reaching out with his already lube slicked fingers Jensen rubbed along Jared's entrance, free hand curling around Jared's ass and squeezing roughly. "Always so needy..." he murmured and shoved two fingers forward, roughly spreading the muscles. He knew Jared didn't need much prep, they had a _very_ healthy sex life, but Jensen enjoyed the foreplay of it. Plus he knew it teased Jared, drove him more insane, and there was nothing Jensen liked more than a slightly insane with need Jared. In this situation however, Jensen was already too far gone and he barely shoved a third finger in before pulling back all together, reaching down to wipe his hand along the bed sheets. "Love you," he moaned softly and dipped down to press a kiss low on Jared's spine, sucking softly before straightening. His fingers curled around his cock, dragging along the crack in a slow glide before pulling back and shoving roughly all the way inside his lover.

Jared's back was just arching into the sensual kiss on his back when Jensen was suddenly thrusting hard into him and it felt a lot like someone had turned his entire world sideways. Crying out Jensen's name his fingers slipped off his own arousal as his arm gave out and he fell forward onto the bed for a few moments. Struggling to push himself back up he arched his back, tilting his hips in _just_ the right way to pull Jensen's cock deeper inside him. _So_ full, the slight burn turned quickly into the kind of crazy-making sensation that made Jared's hips rock back against his lover. " _Fuck_..." he gasped in a few breaths as Jensen's cock throbbed inside his tight ass, "please... m..move," he moaned. Body writhing, Jared shifted back then slid forward pulling slightly off Jensen's shaft.

Sliding his hips back Jensen sucked in a quick lungful of air before slamming roughly forward. Hearing Jared _beg_ never failed to make his shoulders shake, body jerking forward in deep, hard thrusts. Splaying his fingers wide along Jared's back, Jensen pushed forward as his hips slammed hard into Jared's ass. A heavy moan fell from his lips, eyes fluttering as his head dipped forward and a fine sheen of sweat pearled along his skin. Jared's muscles were clenching around him and Jensen bent slightly to wrap his arm around his lover's body, curling his fingers around his cock to stroke quickly. Already he could feel his release rising and his pace quickened as hard and fast as possible. Jensen's free hand curled to dig nails into Jared's ass, massage along the skin before once more gripping hard.

The way Jensen drove into his ass had Jared fighting to stay on his knees. It was _hot_ and Jared could barely hold back his orgasm; as Jensen's fingers slipped over Jared's cock they both moaned, soft sounds mingling in the room as their bodies slammed together in a mutually pleasing rhythm. Jared could barely breathe, heart jack-rabbiting in his chest. His mind was following the pleasure around his body; Jensen's fingers digging hard into the muscles of his ass, hand stroking his cock the perfect way, the heat building and bubbling over deep within him. "Gonna come..." he murmured as he threw his head back and slammed his weight back against Jensen's hips.

Jensen's thrust took on a frantic pace as he pushed them both closer to the edge, hand around Jared's cock twisting as his body began to shake slightly. Shock waves of pleasure swirled up his spine, clouding his vision, and Jensen panted heavily for short gasps of air. The hand on Jared's ass slid up his back, nails scraping along the skin, body bending slightly to dig his fingers into Jared's shoulders. "Fuck Jared," he moaned loudly, head tipping back as his release built low in the bit of his stomach, muscles tightening, body tipping over the edge of his release as Jared's muscles clenched tightly around him, sending them both into their orgasms.

Jared's breath hitched in his chest, heat racing through his veins - the muscles in his back and hips almost seized for a few moments then he came with such force that his vision actually faded out. All he could feel were the stinging scratches of Jensen's nails on his back, the come pulsing hot and thick from his cock and Jensen... _fuck_ Jensen coming inside him. Moaning his lover's name he collapsed forward under Jensen's weight moaning loader when his lover's body landed on top of him. Hand scrabbling on the quilt he finally found Jensen's and gripped it tight as he felt both their bodies twitched through the last of their releases.

"Fuck... that never gets old..." Jensen panted heavily into the back of Jared's neck, body shaking slightly as his lips ghosted along the skin. Jensen was fairly certain he could feel Jared's heart racing against his body, matching his own. Blood rushed in his ears and Jensen released small puffs of air into Jared's damp hair curling along the base of his neck. "You're so fuckin'... _god_ Jared..." he moaned the words softly, emotions fraying haywire in the wake of his release. Jared always affected him on a level almost incomprehensible.

The world started to right itself and Jared mumbled something incoherent then turned his face so he could breathe. "I love when you're like that..." he murmured. Hand shaking he tried to push the damp strands of hair off his face, failed and let his arm drop back to the mattress. "Like you can't..." he sucked in a breath and sighed, "get enough." He shifted slightly, struggling, "wanna kiss you..."

Jensen groaned softly as he pulled back and fell to Jared's side, head turning to him, soft smile on his lips. "I can't get enough," he said quietly and forced his body to shift forward, fingers fluttering along Jared's brow and down the side of face before he rolled forward to brush their lips together.

"Mmmhmm," Jared panted softly through his nose, sucking and licking at Jensen's mouth then nipping at his bottom lip. "Our first engaged sex.." he mumbled, finally dropping back to the bed.

Chuckling softly Jensen nodded and curled into Jared's side. "Uhhuh... now just think how our first _married_ sex is gonna be like..." he grinned at the thought and pressed a kiss to Jared's shoulder.

"Think it might kill me." There was a smile on Jared face when he turned to face Jensen. "Can we have a ceremony? Do that whole thing?" Flashing his best smile at Jensen, dimples and all, he was pretty sure he'd get whatever he wanted.

"Tuxes and all," Jensen nodded in agreement and stroked his hand through Jared's hair. "Get a nice big cake and shove it into each other’s faces." Jensen chuckled and snuggled further into him.

"And then married sex..." Jared's lips moved slowly across Jensen's forehead then he reached over to push damp curls off his face. "And - it's gonna be in our vows that you can _never_ have short hair." Laughing softly he groaned as he flopped his arm over his lover's body. There were aches all over his body and not a single one of them bothered him.

"Sounds like a fair deal, long as you can't either," Jensen murmured, feeling sleep tugging at him. He inhaled deeply, swirling the familiar scent of Jared around his senses and he smiled sleepily. This was his perfection, his _something_ , and he couldn't imagine being happier. As his hand stroked through Jared's hair his lover hummed and Jensen finally let himself slip into sleep knowing they still had the whole world laid out before them and there couldn't be anything better than that.


End file.
